Maintenance, how much is enough?

[Longlongsummer]

I was wondering about maintenance payments. My ex has paid £180 a month for years. I get that it’s based on income, however he’s self employed so doesn’t declare half of it!

I used to have a good job however I decided to take a part time one to be around more for our son. I’m the main carer. So I don’t earn very much at all.

I think that this is very low. As effectively I am still covering over half of my child’s costs, in mortgage, clothes, food etc. My son in total does not cost only £360 a month I can tell you! I’ve added it up to budget better.

I’m sure that there are parents out there coping with less, less money and less maintenance. Why are we? Why aren’t we shouting that it’s not right?

I also pay for all the extra activities that my son does, music lessons, child care when younger, extra tuition. He has some mild learning difficulties and I’ve paid for extra help. I’ve paid for every single penny of everything without receiving any extra and I’m feeling a little sick of being both the main breadwinner and main carer.

I’ve talked with other lone parents, and this seems to be the norm. Mothers paid an amount based on CSA which is based not on what the child needs, but what the Dad earns and is the absolute minimum. And yet every father seems to take that as being ‘doing their fair share’.

And I’ve never complained to Ex. And yet I think, what are we doing as women, by just letting this happen? Why aren’t men paying half of the costs for their kids? Is this really common?

Ok got it.

Why not? And again - please as succinctly as possible!

Because what one parent considers an essential cost the other doesnt. Then there's the argument over half the cost of an extra bedroom.

It would be v difficult to calculate half of what a child actually costs in gas / electric/water

Youd have to prove all the costs then thered have to be some kind of system to check it was reasonable

The nrp might not actually be able to afford half as well as supporting themselves

There'd have to be some kind of reduction for time spent with nrp.

Maybe the NRP should pay more than half the costs. After all, the RP also does all the donkey work and gives emotional support as well as at present paying more than half
the costs of raising the child. The RP has to take the hit career wise, changing hours or dashing home from work and being around for their if they are sick. The NRP is free to sit in the pub. Many of them are not providing a second home for their child (as the courts assume) and are not taking them for treats and buying them gifts. They even resent giving a birthday or Christmas present.

😂😂😂😂😂 awful lot of generalising there.

They will never take the RP's income into account as that would open the floodgates of NRPs going self employed or otherwise to show the RP is better off than them. If you don't believe me then just spend an hour or two on one of the sites like separateddads and you will see the advice being given to go self employed, pay yourself less than £44k and stick the rest into your pension.

Oh yeah i know some nrps are twats. I also kmow some rps are.

The bottom line is its most likely nothing will change.