Professional Single Parents

[TeachesOfPeaches]

I'm a single full time working mother of one 3 year old in London. As my career is progressing I realise I don't know any parents like myself and I would really like to discuss how others manage childcare, travelling for work, getting a mortgage on your own, tax free childcare etc and I have nobody to discuss this with.

Anyone out there in a similar situation?

I am.
Single mum and only parent of a 19m girl. We live in SE London, zone 3.
I work full time, she's in a day nursery and I'm stretching myself financially until she's 3 at which point I'll get the free 30h of childcare but all worth it and it works. I receive the £2k help from the tax free childcare. Drop her off at 8am, get to work by 8:45 and leave early at 4.15am. I make up for the slightly shorter days by working from home every Friday and taking shorter (or no) breaks for lunch.
I already had a mortgage before I became a parent. I couldn't afford my mortgage now, although I am indeed paying it every month! I'll hopefully be able to remortgage when she's 3 and my monthly commitments reduce and get a good rate.

I am single parent of an 8 year old.

I have a mortgage and work full time. I have to use wrap around care to do this. Breakfast club and after school club.

Also holiday clubs or unpaid unpaid leave.

I do have a dp (not ds) dad, but we dont live together or share finances.

Thanks for your replies. Pez I rent in Blackheath, I've managed to scrape a small deposit together but it's barely enough for 1 bedroom flat though

Protein do you feel isolated at work? My team have gone for a 3 day 'team building' but I'm the only one who wouldn't go. They are all very much about inclusivity (LGBT/women in work etc) but I think I've shown them that there are other ways to be excluded from the work place.

Hi there! Am a single professional mother of one DS. Have recently returned to work 4 days a week and bought a house on my own and I use tax free childcare for DS' nursery so happy to help with anything.

Hi MissB! Do you know any other working mums in your situation? I looked for a group on MeetUp but there isn't one! Chickened out offsetting it up myself

Btw that's an interesting insight about exclusion from the workplace. My workplace are very nice (I work in public sector so inclusion is taken seriously) but realistically there are not many people in my position. I have one single mum of older kids in my team. I often feel quite distanced from my work place partly because I work from home for half of the week (not complaining about that!) but also because I just don't have the scope to stay late for people's birthday drinks etc, or even I end up missing a lot of team meetings and events because they all seem to be on my day off or days I'm not in the office. I also get frustrated because even when a training event is meant to be hosted via Skype then the technology rarely works so I can't take part, and it's as if those working outside the office just aren't important.

I actually haven't been able to find a group specifically for working mums but there is a good group on Facebook called Single Mums in SE London which has a lot of working mums on it

I started my new job 3 months ago and I think they were genuinely shocked when I said I hadn't been out for 3 years and my life is literally going to work and looking after my son and that's it!

Thanks! I'm a member of that FB group and have met people from there but I'm still the only one that I could see that works full time commuting into London!

I think people who aren't single parents don't really know what it entails! If I got a free evening I would use it to sleep...

Oh god the worst was when I was interviewing for a new job and the atmosphere would change when they drilled down into my personal life. I could see they felt sorry for me and it made me so uncomfortable!

Hi OP, I’m right near you, just at the top of Blackheath Hill 😊
I became a single mum (through my choice to leave her dad) when DD was 18 months old. At the time I had just enough to get a flat in Greenwich (this is going back 6 years, before prices went through the. roof!
I’d been freelancing before DD was born, so had to find a full time job quickly in order to get a mortgage.
I did get a job, but it was the most stressful time of my life. The owner of the company was a single gay fashion boss, who had no idea or understanding that people had lives and commitments outside work.
I remember running, running, running everywhere - run to nursery, run to the station, run to the Tube. Boss used to go mental if I was even 2 min late. Worked through lunch so I could leave an hour early to dash back to nursery.
Had dinner then worked until midnight most nights. It was a nightmare trying to juggle everything.
In the end I told my boss that I couldn’t do it anymore, and he agreed for me to work from home on a project basis. It was still tough, but cutting out the commute was great.
I now run my own business from home, and things are the best they’ve ever been, but I hear you OP, it’s tough.

I got asked 'so what does your husband do?' By a company that won awards and go on and on about championing women in the workplace

So it seems like SE London is an enclave of single working mums! Who knew...

Tigerbear oh gosh, my boss before this one was horrific. I used to run home every night (dead of winter, 8m old baby, no car, commute from London) and just CRY from exhaustion every single night.

It's other people who need to change not us... they need to get more insight into other people's lives.

I personally don't feel too isolated but I definitively miss out on all work events, no more impromptu drinks after work or away days but I don't really care, I'd rather spend the time with my daughter.
My work has been good and flexible so far so I feel like I have a decent work life balance. I am however the ONLY mum in my large team working full time!

But there's very little time for any 'me' time. I'd like to start dating and I don't even know where to start!

West London single mum here. Drop Dd at breakfast club at 8. Commute into town, pick her up at about 5 past 6 every day. I have to use a childminder as I just can't get home for after school club closures at 6. Work a longer day from home on Friday, half an hour for lunch, daily.

It's exhausting and I have no energy for my career above and beyond the job I'm doing now. I feel sad that I can't get motivated about work or career but just don't have the energy or lifestyle to put in that extra effort. I would need to be able to travel to extend my opportunities but Dd doesn't see her dad, so can't do that.

Work are pretty supportive and understanding, though, but I do uphold my part of the bargain and try not to let my circumstances affect my performance or availability eg I take annual leave for appointments etc.

Soooper My new job has offices all over the world which I would love to go to but I'm also restricted by lack of childcare (ex has court ordered contact of 4 hours every other Saturday and last Saturday brought him back early with no pants on and shoes on the wrong feet).

Pez I share a bed with my son so definitely no me time here either!

I dont feel isolated at work.

My team, on the whole are younger than me and all unmarried. They have lots of freedom that I dont. However, we try and take everyone's situations in to account. Some travel ridiculously far to work for our company.

A good few year ago I looked for a baby sitting service I could build a relationship with. That's been invaluable. I can go to alot of things but not. Just like every other person who works with me, has other commitments.

As pp says, I think that working from home can make you feel more isolated than the lone parent issue.

I only work from home 1 day per week. Its helps me but being at work makes me feel less isolated.

My company, in general, offer good flexible working. However, our satellite office seems to ignore that. I have spent a lot of time working at changing that for all colleagues. Unfortunately one of our senior manager, believes that because she is a mother with a career and never needed flexible working, no one else should. Barring in mind she lived next door to her p her parents who provided free childcare and then did all drop offs and pick ups. She also brag that her ex husband was loaded and she came out of the divorce with a good lump sum and the child maintenance was more than her, fairly hefty wage.

She doesnt seem to get that other people are not in the same position she was so may not be able to do everything she did.

Yes I agree with the working from home. I had conjunctivitis recently and had to work from home for a week and I started to lose my mind a bit, it's very isolating.

My old horrible boss was a single mum and she did it all the hard way (if having a live in nanny is hard?!) so there was zero flexibility for me - had to be in the officer 8.30 - 18:00 5 days per week. My son was a baby and in childcare pretty much 7 - 7. Very happy to have my new flexible job.

Single working mum to twin boys. No outside help but thankfully a job that is flexible. I work a 30 hour week so I do an hour from home each morning, 5 hours in the office each day so I am able to bring the boys to their school bus and rush to meet them off it each day too which has saved on childcare. I am in Ireland and no before school clubs where I am and afterschool care is almost like paying a second mortgage!

Being able to financially support yourself and your child is a great feeling