Professional Single Parents

[TeachesOfPeaches]

I'm a single full time working mother of one 3 year old in London. As my career is progressing I realise I don't know any parents like myself and I would really like to discuss how others manage childcare, travelling for work, getting a mortgage on your own, tax free childcare etc and I have nobody to discuss this with.

Anyone out there in a similar situation?

@trinibrit Welcome and @SimonJT Welcome

It's great hearing from others in similar situations. Thanks so much all of you for sharing. Silly as it sounds it's really helpful (and motivating) to hear that others are facing the same challenges. Have a good weekend all - whatever you're doing. Just time for a few house jobs before swimming lessons

Hi @TeachesOfPeaches . haha, yes I’m the same when people complain about their ‘early morning on Sunday’ which is 8am or something I can only dream of a lie-in like that!!

Hi @trinibrit it’s always great to hear from other mums who are smashing it at work. I’ve never felt more driven and strangely I think the last few years (which have been really tough) have made me so much better at work. Things that would have stressed me out before (big negotiations, very senior meeting etc) don’t even touch the sides now.

It's empowering and also absolutely terrifying being the sole provider!

@SusieSusieSoo welcome to the thread!

@ChloeR81 When you see the threads on MN of couples fighting over who gets a lie in at the weekend and then you read the very long replies of what other couples do and you just think

It is nice to hear other people in similar situations. I think we are all so busy juggling that we don’t have time to meet others. One thing I find interesting on MN is seeing LTB for some things that seem quite small fry. Over the years, mums at school who barely speak to me otherwise have asked to go for coffee (or similar) and confide that they are frustrated and considering leaving their husbands, and then explain things that while challenging are not that bad. They say things like “you manage so well, could I do it?” I find it upsetting that they only reach out in these circumstances and not otherwise when they are happy and just want to make friends. I always say to them that I didn’t choose to become a single parent (but full power to those who do) and if they really wanted to leave they would have done so already. They don’t need my blessing to leave and should not look at me and think it is easy because it is actually bloody hard. I don’t think the husbands in my area realise how many of their marriages I have saved! Lol

I think my coupled friends say things sometimes without realising. One was sounding off yesterday that she never gets an evening out because her husband is useless. I actually did sympathise because that is rubbish but when she said "why do we women always have to make the sacrifices" I was a bit because my son's father literally does absolutely nothing, so yes I do feel it when women make sacrifices!it isn't something I resent because my son is so little at the moment but I sometimes don't think people think before they speak.

Meant to go to conference tomorrow for 5 days (abroad). DS2 not well.

And there we have it - the life of a professional single mum. Boss is understanding, and I'm not presenting so it'll be ok, but bugger.

@ZillaPilla what a nightmare - at least you weren't booked to speak, that would have been a total disaster

Oh, that kind of thing is so stressful. I think when either you or the kids are ill it is the worst, plus work stress.

A lovely evening in A&E for me tonight. My DD decided to climb on the sofa and hit her face on a wooden chair. She's full of beans again but her nose is very swollen and she has a cut between her nose and mouth.
Not the kind of Saturday night I had planned!

@Pez82 Saturday night surely has to be the worst night to be in A&E, hope you're not there too long.

My son would have to have his head falling off before I even considered taking him tinA&E so you're a better parent than me!

Just back home and will need to see an ENT as they couldn't tell whether her nose was broken or not.
My first thought was let's avoid A&E but then her nose started swelling so I called 111 and there was no way 111 wouldn't send us to the hospital.

I will also have the pleasure of a HV visit/call as per standard procedure with head injuries at home. The joy.

She's in bed now. One G&T and I'll follow

place marking for tmrw...

I enjoy being a single parent. My XH did less than nothing anyway, but I am not longer shouldering the resentment at him and me and DS have a great bond and a good, calm relationship.

I have become more motivated and ambitious at work to ensure that we have a roof over our heads and now I can actually see the fruits of my labour, just for us. XH was terrible with money and ran up enormous secret debts, but now we are in a very strong financial position.

I've been promoted at work and now have more flexibility as I've become more senior. DS is a happy, well-balanced child with a good social life and just got a straight As report.

Yes, there have been tough moments but so much better than being in a terrible relationship.

Pez82 how is your DD this morning? My son climbed onto the sofa last week, fell on a table and bit his tongue. They are such little monkeys. I didn't know that about HV and head injuries!

@DropOfffArtiste I agree with you there, my son and I are so close, we're like two peas in a pod and make a great team. I can't imagine ever choosing to introduce a man to him as it just wouldn't fit with our dynamic!

I do date, but I genuinely have no desire for another live-in relationship or to try to blend families or anything like that.

Maybe when DS leaves home, or maybe I will enjoy the peace and quiet for a few years!

I haven't felt the touch of a man for a number of years now not sure I would remember what to do...!

@PIPERHELLO Welcome !

Just reading on another thread in AIBU about child maintenance that all Resident Parents get child benefit, tax credits or universal credit - it is 'absurd to think that RP are raising children just in maintenance and that the government help'.

Hah! Can't wait for my government help! Oh right £82 a month... plus the £27 a month that I'm entitled to from NRP, but which I haven't had in months... better not spend it all at once eh!

I have been a single mum working for a large international firm for 10 years. I promise it gets Easier.

Once they are in school your child care costs go down and slowly slowly they become more independent.

The tiredness improves and life just becomes so much easier. Hang on in there and it will get easier.

One thing I will say with hindsight is that yes I had no time for me and weekends were spent solely with the children and I had no social life BUT I don’t regret it for a moment. We built so many good memories during that time and I can look myself in the mirror and know that (unlike their absent dad) I was there for them.

In answer to op I ended up meeting current dp so ended up only being a single parent for a few years.

Sometimes me and dc still miss those days. A dynamic of just the 2 of us had its advantages.

Re: comments above back in those days I did get a lot of tax credits £190 pwk which got swallowed up in childcare.

We had a better lifestyle then when costs were lower than now.