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Is it normal to feel really horrible when you find out your ex is with someone else?

165 replies

Pinkchampagne · 24/06/2007 00:22

I know it shouldn't be a big deal, but it feels awful.

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Tinkerbel5 · 27/06/2007 11:08

he will eventually make himself a laughing stock amongst all the mums, maybe he goes for barmaids cause they are making themselves available after the pub

sugar34plum · 27/06/2007 14:33

maybe we should become barmaids and get our own back!!!

lilykins · 27/06/2007 15:45

hi all you lovely mums hope you are all well toady

Pinkchampagne · 27/06/2007 17:00

This one certainly makes herself pretty available after work, judging by the messages I saw!

I have had both of her younger children in classes that I have worked in.
I remember seeing him standing at the bar talking to her months ago, when we both happened to be out on the same night, so there is a good possibility somethings been going on for quite some time.

I have had him in my house with the boys every evening since finding out, and I have had to try hard not to show that I am anyway effected.
It's hard. My stomach has felt like a washing machine constantly since Saturday night.
It will be easier when he has his house I guess.

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Pinkchampagne · 27/06/2007 17:20

Hi lilykins, did you manage to start that thread?

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lilykins · 27/06/2007 17:33

hi pc

havent managed it yet. havind bad day got a letter from the csa to say that me and wee one have to go for dna tests as her dad now saying she is not his. im soooo angry at him and feel really humiliated about it. and he got a nerve to walk about town with his new gf kids

Pinkchampagne · 27/06/2007 17:37

Oh how awful for you, Lilykins, really sorry you are going through all this.

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lilykins · 27/06/2007 17:50

well i will go for the tests i have nothing to hide he knows that too. he is just trying to be smart i can read him like a book.

Pinkchampagne · 27/06/2007 17:55

Poor you - it sounds awful for you.

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lilykins · 27/06/2007 18:02

yeah it is a bit but gotta get on with it. sometimes when i see the lovely happy couple i want to make a mad run at the pair of them they get on my nerves. getting as due period to and that just leaves everything a 100x worse
god im really moaning today lol

Pinkchampagne · 27/06/2007 18:05

Well it sounds like you have an awful lot on your plate & are more than entitled to a moan!

Do start that thread. MN is a great place for support.

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Blu · 27/06/2007 18:18

PC - I missed this yesterday...how truly truly awful! The fact that she is a parent at the school. That's all you need!

His behaviour really is outrageous. He has no business swanning around being treated like royalty by your Mum.

How did you find out who the mystery tart is?

But...as you say, you are way way too good for him, she has got a man who is not even learning from his mistakes. He's hardly heading for the kind of relationship that would make you think 'why couldn't he have that kind of relationship with me?' - which would have been very poignant, after all the hard work you put intring everything possible to make your marriage work. But no, he has proved that he was not worth sticking around for, so hold your head high, and feel sorry for the poor woman who has to pick up your cast-off. The woman can't be stupid enough to see that you are totally gorgeous, well-thought of, good at your job...so she will know that it's your exH's loss and that he would have kept you had he had the choice.

Your life, PC - you couldn't make it up!

And as for your parents - no don't tell them, they will probably invite barwoman tart to the golf club. (oops, was that way too sick??? ) But as you say, however they react won't be of any help or support for you.

Play it cool..you're doing very well!

Blu · 27/06/2007 18:19

stupid enough NOT to see...

Pinkchampagne · 27/06/2007 18:26

I will e mail you when I get a chance, Blu, and explain it properly.

I'm not doing too great on the coping front today for some reason. My stomach has not stopped churning & I've felt on edge all day. Hope it passes & I don't end up having to resort to ADs to get me through.

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Tinkerbel5 · 27/06/2007 19:13

lilykins I dont know if your ex knows this or not but if he denies paternity and its proved by testing that he is the father he will have to pay for the DNA, iots to stop a nrp from denying parentage

Blu · 27/06/2007 20:55

You are under tremendous pressure, here, PC - none of this could have been anticpated.

I really, relly feel for you.

Dinosaur · 27/06/2007 21:33

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

Pinkchampagne · 27/06/2007 23:29

I am back online now, and I will mail you both tomorrow at some point after work.

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Pinkchampagne · 28/06/2007 16:42

I have dropped you both an e mail.

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glitterfairy · 28/06/2007 16:48

PC how awful for you. It is terrible when you knwo the woman in question and somehow on home turf so to speak makes it all so much worse whatever the circumstances. I really feel for you.

My only advice FWIW is not to listen to any gossip. I have had all sorts poured into my ears about X and our previous dentist and frankly needed none of it. Dont listen, put your fingers in your ears and sing loudly.

miniandme · 28/06/2007 17:53

PC never realised this thread was yours xxx dont worry about the grief thing its totally natural,its like when i was told the kids had SN its like a grieving for what you expected to have, you got married expecting you both to be together forever so to find its not the case now its natural to miss it in a kinda sick way.
Look at mine,hes left his own 3 kids to go with some slapper with 8 kids and now they are married and have another one so he has a 32 yr old slapper with 9 kids to 8 different fathers,wonder what hes picked up on the way eh !!
Me i took 5 years out on my own settled myself and the kids till i was ready to venture out,am now engaged to a wonderful man and had my booking in today with the midwife,with my dp at my side,something ex never ever done!!
Take time out hun,grieve,cry and resettle till you feel yourself again,i promise it will come and he will get further and further into the gutter while you rise higher and higher with your boys.
Take care PC xxx

Pinkchampagne · 28/06/2007 20:41

I haven't heard any extra gossip yet, GF, but I am sure that will happen next time I have a night out in my home town!

He has been round again to see boys this evening, and I noticed he was still wearing his wedding ring!!

Hi mini. I am really pleased to hear things are looking so good for you now. Big congratulations on both your engagement & your pregnancy!

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glitterfairy · 28/06/2007 20:48

LOL PC my X still wears his after all that he has done its incredible.

Hopefully it will be ages before they go out in public and everyone knows. Only dont listen really dont it is really hurtful.

Pinkchampagne · 28/06/2007 20:58

Can't believe your ex is still wearing his, GF!!!

I can imagine how awful it must be to see them out & about.

I get the feeling ex H & strumpet are just meeting up at the end of the night atm, but I could be wrong. It all makes me feel so sick when I think about it.

Was thinking today that maybe it feels so bad because I saw nasty sexual talk, and would it have been easier if he was seen out dating a girl in a civilised way...but I guess it is all hard.

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Pinkchampagne · 29/06/2007 17:27

I am feeling lots stronger about everything today. Saw my HV after school, and she asked how I was.
I explained a little of the latest to her & she asked if I was ok & if I needed a visit, but I told her I would be fine, and I feel that I will be. The barmaid is welcome to ex H...they are welcome to each other!

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