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Is it normal to feel really horrible when you find out your ex is with someone else?

165 replies

Pinkchampagne · 24/06/2007 00:22

I know it shouldn't be a big deal, but it feels awful.

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mummylin2495 · 24/06/2007 23:20

i think you are having a normal reaction.when my ex dh got remarried i think i cried all day.Im not sure why because we had been split for quite a while and i was in a new relationship.I think it was then it hit me ,it was really final.Luckily through all the years we have remained friends and he and his wife have been to my home.he is the father of our two children and we will always have that bond.

Pinkchampagne · 24/06/2007 23:25

I think it will be easier to get into a better routine when he gets his house, which should be very soon now.

I think he knows I have obviously seen all his smutty little texts, seen as I had his phone overnight, as I have just received a text from him asking if I'm ok. Arsehole!

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Pinkchampagne · 24/06/2007 23:38

Sorry, I am feeling really wound up. I am not normally a sweary type!

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Blu · 24/06/2007 23:40

But it suits you

And, as it happens, it suits him too!!


Pinkchampagne · 24/06/2007 23:44

Right now it is the only word that springs to mind, Blu!!

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Blu · 24/06/2007 23:48

Hopefully he will have caught something nasty.

Pinkchampagne · 24/06/2007 23:51

Yes, there is a good chance he has! Hope his willy falls off!!

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Pinkchampagne · 24/06/2007 23:53

Now I'm just getting childish! Time for bed!!

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SittingBull · 25/06/2007 03:49

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

mrsmcv · 25/06/2007 05:24

I left my husband when our daughter was 4 months old because although he was lovely 97% of the time, he has a real violent, nasty streak. I was homeless and skint when I left, but totally relieved and elated.
When the decree nisi came through I cried and cried and cried, I could hardly move for grief, it totally took me over for a couple of days and I could not understand it, still can't really. That was about three months ago and since then I have cried quite alot on and off despite barely shedding a tear before. I have never doubted I did the right thing but am still sad, it's healthy I think.

Don't talk yourself out of being upset PC, it's natural and normal and will pass. x

glitterfairy · 25/06/2007 07:30

PC hope you are ok today. Even after everything my X has done to me I still manage to get upset. I think the song you oughta know has it about right as it was a slap in the face how quickly I was replaced.

GGG is right though none of us would have then back and actually I pity the new women. There are still good men out there I know and we should forget the t*ers who have made us sad.

glitterfairy · 25/06/2007 08:28

I have just been thinking about men moving on quickly and had to add this. I think they move on because they simply look to replace a relationship whilst many women are looking to improve or change it which is much much harder to do.

As DH Lawrence said there are plenty of fish in the sea but if they are all mackerel and you are cod it makes things harder (that was not a direct quote to be honest! LOL)It is from Lady Chatterleys lover if anyone wants to find the real thing.

Pinkchampagne · 25/06/2007 08:33

I was always replaced with easy trollops though, GF!!

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Anna8888 · 25/06/2007 08:51

Men are less picky IME than women when it comes to moving on to a new relationship.

A couple we know very well split a year ago because the wife had fallen in love with someone else. The husband was very sad for a couple of months, and we all felt very sorry for him - and then, quite quickly, he got into internet dating and seems to have a new date every week. He has even brought a couple of girls round to us for dinner - and they were pretty, charming etc. His ex-wife, on the other hand, plunged into depression after the separation, despite it having been instigated solely by her.

This is quite a hard lesson to learn I think. Men are looking for different things in relationships to women, and I fear women have to do on average a lot more relationship-building work than men.

skyatnight · 25/06/2007 12:05

Hi PC. Hope you're feeling a bit better. The emotional-bonding-empathy part of a man's brain is much smaller so they move on much more easily. When a woman is upset, she talks to her friends, has some chocolate/ice-cream/vodka and ruminates on what has happened (for a long time). We invest so much meaning in our relationships. Men just go and find an easy lay. It restores their ego and allows them to think they are moving on. It's a generalisation but often true. It makes you feel crap because why did you go through all that heartache and hassle for a man who doesn't seem to be able to remember the difference between you and that woman who was in the pub at last orders (or a thousand other women) but it's not really like that, it's just his way of comforting himself - just sex. Which for some men has as much meaning as sneezing or eating or watching football - anything they like and feel they need to do - scratching an itch. Better shut up now before I get banned for being the female equivalent of a chauvinist pig!

Anna8888 · 25/06/2007 12:20

skyatnight - LOL but a lot of truth.

If you want to keep your man - keep having sex

dinosaur · 25/06/2007 12:33

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ at the poster's request.

LadyTophamHatt · 25/06/2007 12:48

Hi PC, I've not reda the whol ethread but IMO it really soindslike he's left it there on purpose for you to read.

phones don't display the whole message on the front screen, he's left it there with the text messgae section open so you could read it.

Stupid arsewipe....

I hope the she gives him some kind of itchy scratchy bollock diesease.

LadyTophamHatt · 25/06/2007 12:49

(BTW Ds4 is presently being squeeeeeezed into they t-shirt you sent, the little heffalump. He looks so cute in red so seeing as its been sent by a MNer he wears it alot, even if it is getting a wee big small)

Pinkchampagne · 25/06/2007 16:57

Oh bless him, LTH, how old is he now?

I assume that ex H had recently received the message before he left my house, and I think him leaving his phone like this was due to him being a bit drunk, but I could be totally wrong here & maybe he did really leave it with the intention of me finding the message, who knows with him!

I have been feeling slightly stronger today, although there have been times when a thought suddenly goes through my head & I feel upset again.

My sister said yesterday "I am not at all suprised he has gone for this kind of girl again because he always will - they are easy for him & he seems to be going through a stage of self-destruct."
She then tried to reassure me by telling me that I was the kind he chose to marry due to me not being like this.
Lucky old me!!!

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Pinkchampagne · 25/06/2007 16:58

And very foolish old me!!!

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Blu · 25/06/2007 17:05

I think your sister is right.
Serious double standards - run around with anyone he can pick up, but then marry one who he can make his own, control etc. he was in that horrible male culture wan't he...i remember the incident with the bet.

But it wasn't your fault. Look at the number of difficult marriages that women on MN endure - no-one has a crystal ball.

Glad you got through today - well done.

Pinkchampagne · 25/06/2007 17:31

As you know, I don't think too greatly of myself, but today I thought of the kind of girl he seems to seek out, and I actually found myself thinking "I am too good for him!"

I am not the greatest, but I know I have morals & standards!

OP posts:
Pinkchampagne · 25/06/2007 17:32

I will try not to be controlled again, Blu!

OP posts:
lilykins · 25/06/2007 17:42

hi all
just thought i would say hello as im new to all of this

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