Number 2 Thread When You Are Fed Up With The Solitary Burden Of Single Parentdom

[Solo]

Happy New Year and Happy New Thread to all the single parents looking for a place to rant, rave, moan, share the highs and the lows and chat with people that know! It is the second thread and probably a slow one if the first is anything to go by, but it's here when we need it.

LINK TO THE FIRST THREAD

sorry that your meet up didn't go so well. Have you met this mum before? She does sound a little odd! or maybe just self centred?

For me, it is one of the worst things about being on my own. When XH was here we used to go out somewhere most weekends, softplay, sunday lunch, or to see his mum who lives at a seaside village. I just find it so daunting going off on my own, plus lonely as nobody else to talk to. Soft play is ok, I take my ipad and treat myself to a fry up lunch, but I don't want to go out to touristy type places on my own.

I don't like to bother friends, because you perceive that weekends are "family" time and that they are doing their own thing with their partner/DC.

I really need some single mum friends, who know what it is like. Friends can sympathise, but nobody really understands unless they have been there.

I don't know exactly skye I just don't get people sometimes. Her other half was off somewhere so it was just the 2 of us. It was just a play area and a coffee. I guess next time I'll just make my excuses and be on my own but then DD doesn't get to play with others - I went for her sake, at least she got to run around a bit.

Gosh Eternal that sounds like it was really unpleasant for you. As the other mum was on her own (albeit just for the morning or afternoon), her behaviour sounds very strange indeed. Why ask people if they want to meet up then treat them like that?

I think that finding other single mum friends would be a good idea. Are there any lone parent groups near to you? I used google to find one where I live and they are quite active - organising events every weekend just about.

I would also encourage you to go to more touristy places on your own (if you feel that is something you would like to do). I think the more outings you try as a lone parent, and the more diverse they are, the greater your confidence becomes. I find that the longer I am on my own, the more adventurous I get.

Going back to wills, I am in the process of writing mine. I have appointed my DSIL (STBXH's sister) to be joint guardian of my DCs in the event of me dying before him and sole guardian if I die after him. I have very good reasons for not wanting my STBXH to be responsible for the DCs if I die before him and I am going to write a letter to accompany the will laying out these reasons in black and white so that, if he contests it (as he has every right to) the court will know exactly why I want it this way and hopefully my wishes will then get granted.

Thanks Anjelika I do need some new friends, I moved here when DD was a month old so don't have any pre-baby friends, just married mums, and have not met any other LPs at any of the play groups or anywhere, but there must be some. How did you find the groups?

RE: wills I'm going to have to have a think about this.. her father would probably refuse custody if it was offered (I've openly invited him to see her and he never has).. definitely not my parents or sister, that doesn't really leave many options.. the only people I can think of so far are a rich aunt who managed to raise 2 emotionally functioning children, and a family friend who might not want the responsibility..

Gosh it's hard isn't it? Well, let's hope and pray that nothing ever causes us to die before our children are adults. Blimey! This is cheerful isn't it?

I know it's not particularly cheerful but it is really important to sort out your will.

Lots of people don't sort anything out because they don't want to think about it... and then there is nothing in place...

I have done what a pp has done. Accepted that the law allows DDS dad to have her, but made sure he has no access to my money (which will definitely put him off!).

I had to do a will when I had a hysterectomy 7yrs ago. While the law means that the dc's would go to XP I was able to state that my mum and sister should be legal guardians. Again, like skye, we are now in the situation where XP hasn't seen them for 7yrs and my family do so they would be in a stronger position to look after the dc's and it could be dragged through the court.

It's why I keep myself so healthy. I've got to keep healthy and earning until dc2 is well past university age. It wakes me up in near terror sometimes.

Yes, I know it's an important issue for everyone but I do keep putting it off.

Dd's father has way, way more money than I will ever have, so I doubt that he'd be after my little bit. Ds will be an 'adult' in August so won't need a legal guardian. Dd...hmmmm :(

I could do with a week off.

Ugh, I haven't done it either. I do have life insurance, to pay off the mortgage and give a little bit to the kids. I hate the fact that they would go to XH as he is aggressive with them. But not sure I can do anything about it from beyond the grave. Previously I would have wanted my sister to have them but she's disabled now due to an auto-immune condition so not sure she could cope. Best to focus on staying healthy and living a long time. Haven't had a cigarette since 15/9/15 so that's a start!

In terms of single parent meet-ups, I keep wishing there was an app for that. Like Tinder but for single mums to make friends. It'd be brilliant!

Good for you re smoking warm :)

Why don't you 'invent' one warm and make some money at the same time!!

Eternal I just googled Single parents + Name of city I live in and found this group who operate on Meetup rather than Facebook. I couldn't find a local group on FB. Hope that helps.

I too am focusing on trying to stay healthy so I hopefully don't die whilst my DCs are young. I'm an older mum too so worry about it even more!

warm invent the app! Wouldn't up be neat if you could find someone who also wants to go to the park and be able to buddy up.

meglet I am contemplating doing a masters in web design and content planning so maybe that could be my project! It would be grand. Drives me up the wall that here we are all suffering on weekends, not daring to intrude on the precious "family time" of those we know, when we could all be right-swiping our way to single parent happiness!

I have joined several meet-up groups, but I've not dared go to any yet because my two can be a little, ah, intense? They are very close in age and tend to get a bit crazy when together. I hate appearing like the terrible mum who can't control her kids, so often it's easier not to go places than face Bad Mother Shame. But now they are 6 and 7 they are a little bit more reasonable, so maybe it's time to attempt a meet....inbetween app coding bouts, of course.

anjelika I'm an older mum too...45 this year (how did that happen?) Can't wait to be paying university fees while I'm in my 60s!

Sorry, didn't mean to depress everyone with talk of wills and dying 😮

I'm an older mum... 49 on Saturday 😦 with a 6 yr old DD... so maybe I think about it more coz I'm old and knackered, lol... 😆

Anyway... well done on the no smoking warm

The single mum app sounds good too... do it, do it!!

I'm an older mum too... 46 with an 8year old and a 5 year old. I really must sort a will out too .

I love the idea of an app to find other single parents. I looked into setting up my own Meet-up group but you have to pay to do it and I was worried I'd get no members!!

Oldie here too; I'll be 52 () in March and my youngest is just 9.

I'm 44 in March when DD turns 8. I told XH when he left, that I would never have had a child at 36 if I'd known he would walk out when she was just 4yo..... He actually left just before my 40th birthday, wasn't that nice of him? We had a holida planned, my 40th party, DD's 4th birthday party..... He left, came back, left again a few weeks later.

They say life begins at 40 but I felt like mine was over!

XH is 52 this year and his baby with OW will be 1. OW is 35. No fool like an old fool...... He's old enough to be OW dad.

Still, at least he's her fool now, not mine!

Can't believe we are all so old

I am 52 but we must not think of ourselves as old!

In fact I am looking forward to being 59 when ds leaves home lol so I can get my freedom back isn't that awful. It will be so sweet when he comes home for a weekend here and there lol - we hope!

Wishing my life away but you know what I mean. To have an uninterrupted evening would be heaven. Perhaps I will end up getting a dog or I will have nobody to talk to by then lol.

Big ups the older single mum committee! Awful story skye, sorry to hear all that. I was left at 40 with a one-year-old and a two-year-old when I discovered XH's adultery (and lies, and drug habit, and double life) so that was fun. So many douchebag men!

I'll be 51 tomorrow and my youngest (DTs) are 5 .

Change I see what you mean about starting up a Meetup group. I now recall that pay a small amount each year to belong to mine - no more than a fiver if I remember rightly. I take it you have done a good old search to make sure there are no other groups set up either on Meetup or FB. Does the Gingerbread site have any local groups?

The single mum app idea sounds really good. I wonder whether there is a "best place to live as a single parent" in terms of meeting others in the same boat!

I'm an oldie too, 43 in March! There is a common theme developing here my ex left me 6 months after second dd was born which was also just after my 40th although we was pretty horrid up to that point. He is now with a 30 year old and has a 4 week old baby.

Meet up sounds like a great idea

I'm pretty sure that when I tried to set the meet-up group up, as the "organiser" I had to pay £10 a month membership. I didn't want to do that if no-one turned up to anything I organised as that's £10 a month I can't really afford for nothing if that makes sense.

I also downloaded all the Gingerbread information to start a group which again is something I could do. My main concern though is that it might attract a lot of very young single parents. Which is absolutely fine, but selfishly for me, I want to meet some lone parents who are a similar age to me!