Number 2 Thread When You Are Fed Up With The Solitary Burden Of Single Parentdom

[Solo]

Happy New Year and Happy New Thread to all the single parents looking for a place to rant, rave, moan, share the highs and the lows and chat with people that know! It is the second thread and probably a slow one if the first is anything to go by, but it's here when we need it.

LINK TO THE FIRST THREAD

Hello can I join ? Single mum of two dd's (3 and 8) been reading thread and finally plucked UK courage to join . Day off work today but feeling pants with flu like symptoms no doubt feel fine on Monday when I go back to work!

Warm I hate meal planning too and detest even more supermarket shopping might look into those recipe boxes - do they do a range for fussy children ?

warm well done!

Cooking with dc's is a bugger isn't it. I've got a sort of rota going where one week 9yo ds helps me make a main meal and the other week 7yo dd makes cakes or biscuits. They're getting better each time, basically I want them to be competent cooks by the time they're at senior school.

warm I'm loving the idea of that recipe box! Planning meals then cooking them and your efforts not being appreciated 7 days a week is a bit of a pain. meg I think that involving the DCs is a great idea and in my house it does usually mean they are less likely to moan about what they're given. I guess (like a lot of people on here) I have a number of staples which all 3 of mine will actually eat so it all gets a bit repetitive.

Well another weekend looms. Let's hope mine is better than the last one where I ended up shouting in frustration at the sheer mess my DCs can create in just a short period of time in the house!

Can I ask some of you more seasoned LP if the anxiety ever gets easier. I keep being gripped by an awful panic - 'what if I lose my job, how will I pay the bills?', there is just me.

Its so scary and really, really stressful.

Welcome Skat :)

IS it hasn't for me I'm afraid. I was prone to anxiety pre-dc's and it turns out being a total lp doesn't exactly help . I had a minor crisis a few weeks ago and have blown something out of proportion so I'm going to dent my (small) savings and get a few weeks of counselling to clear my head a bit. Had one session this week and it did help.

anj mine have started the weekend spectacularly and had a scrap in sainsburys. If I was in charge there'd be Saturday schools and shorter school holidays.

That is what I am worried about Meglet, that I am never, ever going to feel secure or relaxed, that I constanly have to be looking over my shoulder.

Glad the counselling helped. Its something I think about, but the cost is a little scary.

I had/have ocd and emetiphobia because of being a sp.

Having the responsibility of not burning down the house did get me down. I couldn't leave the house or go to bed without major checks ect. The slight fear of sick grew to a full blown phobia because of the time off work I'd have to take if they got ill and then pass it on to me made me pretty shot away if I'm honest. I once took dc to my nans everyday for the last 2 weeks of term because there was a stomach bug going round.

I had counselling and it slightly worked. I think changing me job where I'm secure even if I have to take a few days off, not relying on childcare anymore because of my hours plus a term time contract made me less stressed and worked more then chatting about it.

Because I'm less stressed the ocd isn't really there anymore but I still hate sick.

Just popping back into this thread after a few days.. warmleatherette that is my perception of a lot of men in relationships, they just don't get it, when the kids are born they suddenly start treating their wife like their maid. Because they are the sole breadwinner they think they have the right, then get all angry when the woman plucks up the courage to leave. I haven't experienced any of that, never been married or anywhere near it and a LP since I found out I was pregnant.. but it would be nice to hold out hope for a decent guy, as I'm still in my 30s.

I've a few achievements to share from this week.. I've lost half a stone since 1st January (hurrah!) through the standard calorie control + exercise. And have begun to have a massive long-awaited clear out because it's a cheap pasttime for January though eBay is tedious and I'm tempted to throw it all out of the window if it doesn't get sold quickly

Am interested in the holidays, have never been on a holiday with DD and it would be great to know there's someone to meet up with at the destination. Any recommendations for a lone mum and 2 year old DD?

When I type 'single parent holidays' into FB it brings up what looks like an American page, and a business.. what do you type in to find the right group?

Hi Eternal.. Try searching for Single Parent Travel Club. They will have got a few new members this week I think.

Congratulations on a very productive January. I have got a huge collection of stuff I need to sell on eBay but keep putting it off!

Twirly put the link up thread for the group.

Hi all :) just dropping by to welcome our newest members and at everyone. I'm up early and have a long day ahead...I also have a really sore throat :( so not feeling great.

I don't really have anxiety about not being able to pay the mortgage/bills etc, though I do occasionally have a wobble about it when I stop to think about it. The biggest thing for me is what if I die :( I cannot die because my Dc's would be split up and he'd take Dd away and and and.... I am not afraid of dying, I'm afraid of leaving my children. I had a breast lump last year which was all fine and now I've grown a mole. It's small (but growing) and looking at it under magnification, it does not look right, but it doesn't itch. I'm seeing the doctor next week.

I really want a holiday, but the cost!!!!!!!!! It's cheaper to go abroad, but we don't have current passports, Dd's never had one and Mum can't fly due to health issues...so annoying. I've joined that fb group; thanks Twirly

I (finally) made a will last year. I was worrying myself stupid about what would happen to DD if I died.

All the plans are now in place, but worryingly I am not allowed to legally state who I would want DD to live with! Even though her dad has no home (in army) and not in any position whatsoever to take care of DD I wasn't able to name my DS as the person for DD to go and live with.

Hey Ho. Just need to concentrate on not dying now 😀

Solo... hope your Dr apt goes ok. What a worry. Even getting to the Dr in the first place is a military operation, eh?!

Thought I'd share a single mum win...

My daughter loves her scooter. It's one of those fabulous stunt scooters... rubber wheels... she flies along!

I got really fed up of having to semi-run (not a good look) to keep up with her when we're in the park. So.. I got one too! It's fabulous!! We whiz around the park now.

I do get some funny looks sometimes, but I prefer to think that those sidelong glances are pure jealousy 😀

Love that getting a scooter too, I might get one too I am always doing the semi-run and yes it's not a good look

I sometimes think about dying but then push it out of my mind because it's just too horrid to think about don't necessarily think the ostrich approach is the correct one though.

I'm still feeling poorly and have my first and rare night out tonight as girls are at their dads . Just going to have to dose myself up and drink lots of I don't get out enough to miss out!!!

ittoo that's awesome . I love seeing adults on scooters.

Hope I can join this thread!
I have a 1 year old DD and I'm a student!

Solo, my mum thought we all needed a break so has booked us all up on a family "relaxation retreat" I cannot see how a family of 9 can have a relaxing holiday lol!

Ittoo I still haven't made a will . I really must do it. I'm also shocked about not being able to state who you'd/I'd want to have guardianship over my Dd. How old is your Ds? Mine will be 18 this summer, but I know he couldn't possibly step up to the plate if I wanted him to...

Loving the scooter idea :) but won't be making a scooter purchase myself.

Skat yes please! Do join in and welcome! 9 family members trying to relax?! Hehe!! Nice though to get away :)

XH and I had mirror wills, obviously had to make a new one after the divorce. I appointed my mum and cousin executors and also my cousin as guardian of DD. That doesn't mean anything though as if XH wants her he will get her as the other parent. But I did ask that he appoint my cousin as her guardian in his will, so if anything happens to me, then him, that my DD comes back to my family to be brought up and he agreed with that. It also means that he has somebody from my family to watch out for DD and to discuss issues with. Although he probably wouldn't, as he is an arse.

Mum and cousin are also financial trustees of the will, so that they control the money, so that if DD goes to live with him, he cannot access it and blow it (he has form for debt). (there will only be money if I die, due to life insurance to pay off mortgage etc, there's no money now).

It is not a nice thing to think about, however, it needs to be done if you want to secure your DC's future. Mine only cost about £80, so it doesn't have to be expensive.

A solicitor did tell me that if he didn't see DD for several years, then I died, that it would be up to my family to fight him for custody, she might not automatically go there if he hasn't seen her for years.

He has picked her up today for the day, the second visit this year, and agreed to see her again in 3 weeks. Little steps.....

I hadn't even thought to make a will. So you can't say who you would want to take care of your DC in teh event of your death? What if there is someone you would definitely not want to have custody? (her father wouldn't want it anyway, I'm thinking other family members here, who I wouldn't even want to have unsupervisied contact e.g. GP) - can you write that in?

Who would custody automatically go to, if you die as a LP? Her father has never even met her and it's unlikely he would accept it. After that - who would it be?

If you have money to leave, do the trustees get access to spend it? This is a minefield, I can't actually think of many people at all that I would entrust DD or money to! Maybe one group of family friends.

I'm no expert, but understand that you need to appoint a guardian for DD, that is happy to look after her should anything happen to you. If you don't then SS can step in and appoint a guardian/put into care. You would need to ask a solicitor if you can specify people that she cannot go to/have unsupervised contact with.

As far as I know, the other living parent automatically gets the child as they are the other parent with Parental Rights, but obviously you would need legal advice on that in your situation.

As I understood it, I can appoint a guardian, but the child still goes to the father if he wants her.

My solicitor told me that the executors of the will become the financial trustees of the will and they control the money whilst DD under 18.

Maybe post on Legal on here and see if you can get an answer?

I came on here to have a rant about other mums again.

Someone messaged a group of mums (all married except me) to ask if we wanted to meet. Noone else could meet. i could and thought we'd discuss where, however I just got a blunt message saying 'I'm going to be at x place at x time'. I decided to go because at least DD got to play with another child not just with me. Then I spent the whole conversation feeling like the other mum didn't really want to have a conversation with me. I asked loads about her, she asked nothing about me. When I talked about myself a little she didn't even comment and just - well almost stared at me, which made me feel like a fool (I tend to over-talk in situations like that, when I'm nervous). Almost everything I said was met with what felt like some kind of silly power play and I HATE conversations like that. the other mum left early and I just came home and felt so rejected.

Thanks skye