Number 2 Thread When You Are Fed Up With The Solitary Burden Of Single Parentdom

[Solo]

Happy New Year and Happy New Thread to all the single parents looking for a place to rant, rave, moan, share the highs and the lows and chat with people that know! It is the second thread and probably a slow one if the first is anything to go by, but it's here when we need it.

LINK TO THE FIRST THREAD

yy eternal, I have so much on my plate a relationship would just eat into my small amount of free time.

Just found this thread and is therapeutic to read others' lives and struggles. I left my abusive arse of a h nearly a year ago, I live overseas, have a 2 and 4 year old and work full time. I came back from the UK on Jan 1st and they went straight to their dad's and came back the day before I went back to work and dd went back to school. This week has been awful, dd missed half the week, she was so tired and out of sorts. I've felt like I've totally let them down with all my choices. This afternoon, however, they were very happy and we have the weekend together so it seems a bit better but god they are different after spending over a week with their father and his parents.

Hello getting and welcome :)
You haven't let your Dc's down with your choices; please don't say that. We sometimes have to make choices that are difficult to make whether we have kids or not. You just have to know that you do your very best for them.

This year my Dd's father comes back from working abroad; he hasn't seen her for 18 months now; he sent her birthday and Christmas gifts and cards, but I have not been able to persuade her to write a thank you email. I know he'll be blaming me for that. I also know that when he's back, he's going to want to have her during school holidays and at Christmas etc; I know she won't want to go...he lives miles away ~ 130 ish when he's in the UK with the woman I caught him with...I don't want her to have anything to do with Dd. I hate the thought of watching her being driven away; he wasn't here through all the sleepless nights or the problems, so why should he have her now that I've taught her to be a good 9yo? Grrrr!!

Oh solo. That's rotten for you both. It's not fair for him to swan back and expect her to travel to see him.

The dc's excelled themselves today, it peaked in a spitting at each other contest that I had to break up.

I wish I'd found this thread before! So refreshing to hear from other people who get it.

I work full time and seem to spend my time running to work or running home again. The week is full of work, homework and clubs and the weekends are full of housework. My 6 yr old DD is pretty well behaved generally, but the battle of getting up and going to bed rages on every day.

DD is a complete night owl and this weekend has been up later than me each night. I just cannot stay awake as I have a dreadful head cold I can't shift... surprise surprise I have no energy left to fight it off. Being ill is the pits as a single mum.

And now I'm awake at the crack of dawn and she is sound asleep! We managed to get out of the house at 2pm yesterday!! I feel totally useless at any kind of routine.

Her dad has her at the weekend once in a blue moon... I'd kill for an EOW arrangement.

This is turning into a rambly rant... so I'm just going to add in the bit that I'm still smarting from my sisters 'let's just buy for the kids this year' statement. So I got nothing for Christmas while her DP made sure she was spoilt and took their son out to get her gifts 😈

Feel better for getting that off my chest. Sounded like sour grapes when I said it to anyone in RL, but I found it SO hurtful. And felt like a drama queen for saying 'nothing' when anyone asked what I got for Christmas... I ended up saying 'oh, you know... The usual...'

Birthdays, Christmas... Easter.. bank holidays... These are my least favourite times of the year. It's the time I feel the most lonely. Everyone is with their family or with friends who have kids and a husband! I don't get invited to any grown up events. Only play dates. Which are fine... but it would be so nice to be included in the dinner parties and drinks evenings I know that go on.

I actually can't remember the last time I had a male 1 to 1 conversation that wasn't with my brother, lol... I feel invisible. A non person.

Anyway... like i said, i'm glad I've found this thread so I can rant... without being judged (especially about the amount of screen time my DD has!!)

haven't raised a child with a man, and I can't help wondering whether this, in fact, would be the attitude of a man if I did. Whether a man might go to work, come home, see the house that you have been cleaning and tidying repeatedly all day and make those sorts of comments as if to suggest you are a lazy bum who sits on her arse watching TV or something. In which case, I'm kind of glad that I've just gone ahead and done it on my own anyway, saves the hassle. And I'll be much better off just popping down to the sperm bank for the next one.

eternal - my XH did make those exact kinds of comments, while I was dealing with a toddler and a newborn as he swanned off to work (and OW). He kept telling me to 'get a job' as though I was some kind of lazy sponger. Meanwhile I was trapped in the same never-ending picking up cycle that you mention. I too have not had what anyone else would recognise as a life for a very long time. This is my life now. Kids, picking up mess, working at a flexible, local job that I am hugely overqualified for.

ittooshallpass - welcome to your rambly rants about single parenthood. This is the place for them. That's dreadful about your sister's "let's buy just for the kids" approach. People with partners don't realise how grim Christmas can be when you do all the work and buy presents for everyone else and then there is nothing under the tree for you.^^ I sent my children into Tiger with five pounds each to choose me something for me. I also bought myself a lovely vintage radio "from the children" and put that under the tree all wrapped up.

I feel you on the non-person thing, though I try not to base my personhood on conversations with men - I don't ever want another relationship with one so it's not such an issue. But I do feel as though I only exist to facilitate the lives of others. Like I spent my youth (and middle youth) being fully human - working, playing, creating and absorbing culture - and now, as if by magic, I care for children and the elderly and in my spare time I tidy the children's house and that is it, forever and ever.

But as your username suggests - this too shall pass. I just wonder what is left on the other side, when the children have left home and I have no career, no relationship, no money and no prospects.

Seems bleak.

Urgh, another one here worn down by the drudgery of it all. Mid-forties and bringing up 2 under 10's on my own. Feeling as if life is passing me by and I'll wake up, in my 50's with a crap paying job, children left home, with nothing of mine to speak of. My ex has the children for one day eow and that is it. Even when he has them, I am plagued with phone calls "what shall I feed them?", "are they allowed xxx", "how late can they stay up". I never get a break really.

Weekends are hard because I have no single friends to share anything with so end up feeling low. Two arguing children isn't much fun!!

Please may I have a little hand hold?

I am sat on my bed panicking, which is bloody ridiculous.

I'm due to go away with work in a few hours (I have a new job starting tomorrow!) and have been SO excited about fact my mum was having Ds for 2 nights..... But now the time has come I am now terrified. I keep worrying about being other end of the country from him (8 hours) and as part of that I have to go through london and I'm scared im going to get bombed or something stupid and leave Ds with no one. He is being clingy to the pojnt of sitting on my knee while i use the loo, and im just having a major wobble that I have bitten off too much.

This job is the key to our future, the salary is amazing and will take so much pressure off me, and they have agreed I can work 9-3pm instead of full time. It's an absolute gift of a job.

I need to pull my big girl pants up, but I am just feeling so much responsibility and im overwhelmed. I want to cry! (And I haven't packed yet!)

I know this thread is a ranting thread but can we make it slightly more positive.

Even dealing with all the shit you get as a sp and a lp I do like my life with the dc. I really look forward to putting the dc to bed (sorry sleep promblemers) and watching what I want to watch on the TV without anyone annoying me. There's no one wanting to watch stupid storage wars, ice truckers, csi or ncis. I can watch films like Jupiter's ascending without being moaned qt for wanting to watch films that aren't just fighting and the shitty Tom Cruise type.

I've just started the dcs martial art hobby in the same school so we have something to do as a 3 and I always try to do something with them every weekend.

I also have no interest in sex anymore, I think it's been so long now the urge has gone. I don't want a boyfriend I'm genuinely happy with my little set up. I do get pangs when I see happy couples sharing jokes and the typical dad that plays football with his dc and dives in the ballpit but then exdp would do things like that and it didn't equal out the cunt side of him and there's no reason why I can't do the ballpit . - I don't mine are luckily almost to old for softplay yippie--

I really like my life even if there are struggles.

Oh god, that was a rubbish cross posts. I'm sorry brand I just didn't want to start a thread as it's such a silly thing to be stressing / upset over.

For what it's worth, I love my life a lot of the time too. Ds and I are a team, and it's fucking hard, but i wouldn't change it for all the money in the world.

Gaaaaahhh, and now I don't want to leave him, when usually I would kill for a break

I'm not sure whether I want another relationship either warmleatherette but I sometimes feel like I'm living in a parallel universe where only women exist, lol

Everything I do socially is with women and kids. Or just women. NCT group. School mums (very few) nights out. Play dates. That's it. The grand sum if my social life 😕

So I certainly don't value myself by the amount of men I speak to, but it would be good to have a male perspective on things. I also enjoy male company (or I used to anyway, lol)

I too wonder what life will be like when DD is gone... but I just keep believing that it'll all sort itself out. My life changed in the minute it took to wee on a stick. It changed in the minute it took me to tell the cocklodger to get out of my house. I'm ever hopeful of the next life changing moment.

I am scared that it won't come... but I'll keep looking, lol...

Twirly poo... we're living the same life! I've just started a fab new job too and am having my first overnight overseas trip this week too...

Oop. Posted too soon.. I'm worried about DD staying with friends overnight... which might stretch to 2 nights if flight is delayed...

But I am looking forward to a night in hotel! Nice meal... that I didn't cook. And no washing up!

I'm looking at is a mini city break (don't tell my boss that!). And am trying really hard not to think about DD...

Here to hold your hand Twirly poo!

Ahh congratulations ittooshallpass I feel better knowing you feel similar. Up untik now I have been so excited, i was going to take my kindle and have wine down on the train and read magazines and just relax.... I think the reality of packing has clearly tipped me over the edge!

Are you going anywhere nice on your city break?! Thank you for understanding, I hate these mini wobbles!

I've got 3 to do in the next 3 weeks....! Dublin, Inverness and London 😮

If this will make your wobble feel slightly less wobbly, I haven't got the overnight stay for DD sorted for the London trip yet. I feel quite sick.

No family local. Will be asking friends...
I hate it!
But if it was a bloke away on an overnight trip with work no one would bat an eyelid would they?

So hurrah for our new opportunities and let's enjoy our kindles and wine 😀

twirly you'll be fine, easy to say here but I don't think I've ever had that gene that makes me feel guilty for leaving my dc

That made me laugh out loud BrandNew! I don't feel guilty... I just worry that my DD is ok. I just keep the mantra of 'she's safe and being looked after by people I trust'... and have another glass of wine 😆

Just read all your posts, I've been working hard, January is my busiest month as I do accounts and tax returns. I work from home but work out of home most days doing bookkeeping for clients. I love my work, and it works well around school and clubs etc, but it is hard when DD is sick or I am sick as I then have to work twice as hard to catch up.

DD has been on Brownie camp since Friday and I have spent the weekend working, apart from a coffee with my neighbour this morning. I have missed DD dreadfully having had full time care of her since June. Her dad used to have her EOW then when he moved 3 hours away he dropped it to every 3 weeks. He has never had her in any of the school holidays as he is self employed too and won't take the time off work. He just seems to see DD as my problem, not his, regarding work and childcare etc. Regarding everything actually!

I am happy in my life most of the time, but sometimes I just long for somebody to share the day with, to discuss DD with, somebody to just have a laugh with. Me and XH laughed and talked a lot and I miss that.

When he left, it was so out of the blue and such a shock that it took me a very long time to get over it. I became a mum at 36 and as much as I love DD I wouldn't have chosen to have a child if I had known that XH would walk out in the month that she turned 4 and I turned 40.

She is such hard work, her attitude towards me is terrible, yet she adores me and is very clingy and hates being away from me. But when she is with me, she shouts at me all the time. I try so hard to be patient with her but it is very hard sometimes. :(

itto yeah I didn't have that either but when I go out they're only ever left with my mum or my nan so I know they're completely safe.

I used to always want to go out and have a break from them, most weekends I left them when they were younger (I was younger too, 17 when I had dd 19 when I had ds) to go clubbing/raves but now I'm so old (27) I actually prefer to stay in and have a film night with them and be able to get up early and do something.

Ds df got deported when he was a baby and dd didn't even meet her dad until she was almost 6, he takes dc fairly frequently but they hardly ever stay and when they do his mum is there so again I feel they're completely safe. I've never had what must be a horrible feeling of not knowing if my dc were safe or not and I've always been in charge of them and the way they have been brought up.

change weekends and fighting siblings are grim aren't they. Mine are getting to big for me to easily separate now and I have to watch out that I don't get hurt while I'm breaking it up. I should really book them in for some weekend clubs to take the pressure off.

Hi, all :) you are all so busy! I've done nothing except the washing, dinner, Dd's homework with her and loaded and put on the dishwasher. I'm so tired! And I have a sore throat too.

Can't remember who said it, but this is by no means just a ranty thread! We can express anything on here and the positives are wonderful to read too, so don't stop posting the good bits when you have any!

I've been looking at holiday cottages in Cornwall. Was going to be just me, the kids and my Mum, but then I thought for an extra couple of hundred quid, we could ask my brother and sil along too. They are in the wars, being evicted etc and sil has bad health, brother depressed. Now I'm not earning much really and just about get by right now, but I thought it would be nice for them, so asked mum first what she thought, then put it to sil. She said she never takes 2 weeks off at a time and that they might have a place to move into that would need any saved money to decorate etc, so she didn't know if they'd be able to go...I said that I wasn't asking them to pay etc, that it would just be fuel and food. I also said that I'd need to book soon or there wouldn't be anything left. She said, "well book it anyway" .

Now is it me? I can go ahead and book a holiday cottage for 6 instead of 4 people, and pay for it, but they don't know if they can go and they would only go for 1 week if they went at all. I mean ~ really?! I'd really have to pull my belt in to pay for this anyway, but to pay for an extra 2 people who might not go? Takes the biscuit I think. Or is it me?

No it's not you Solo. Sometimes people can't see when they're well off!

Don't stop making lovely gestures. Xx

Thank you ittoo I'm so glad it isn't me. I do try to help them out. Buy them bits and pieces if I find offers or bargains. They are good too btw and we do eat at theirs sometimes. I just think that "book it anyway" is a bit off really.