Number 2 Thread When You Are Fed Up With The Solitary Burden Of Single Parentdom

[Solo]

Happy New Year and Happy New Thread to all the single parents looking for a place to rant, rave, moan, share the highs and the lows and chat with people that know! It is the second thread and probably a slow one if the first is anything to go by, but it's here when we need it.

LINK TO THE FIRST THREAD

Solo sorry to hear but I am quite sure this is a phase in his life and it will pass so just try and be a good solid parent when he does wish to engage and try to get on with your life somehow, knowing meanwhile it will improve in time.

Some of this may be his bipolar too but I am not an expert. He is just trying to find his independence and equilbrium.

So hard Solo, but it is progress, and by asking for a weekly text you've found a way of keeping the door open for him. Ok, it might not happen at first, and they might be sporadic but it's a way of keeping the connection. And also if a couple of weeks go by with no contact, you can always send a cheery one liner to him, even just to say 'thinking if you'.

At least you have talked, that's a big first step for him, so try and hold on to the positive, hard as it is to do.

How has your week been solo?

I've been budgeting again. Sort of feel like I'm getting somewhere.

Thank you :). I was invited to dinner today and at first Ds was a bit (seemed a bit?) unsure, but we had a good long chat about a rave he went to last night and about cars and all sorts of things not about 'us' and it was all fine. I love him so much. Seems okay atm.
Thank you for holding my hand everyone.

How was everyone's weekend? :)

Only just seen this - that's a real positive Solo, giving him the space he needs is hard but it's kept your communication open.
Well friend who thought it was going to be more has finally come out and said he wanted a relationship with me and so I replied to his message saying that he's a good mate I'm not in the right place for more........so he's said he won't contact me again and how that proves he gets shit on every time.........right........

How ridiculous Fos that he says that is shit whereas it is just you expressing your opinion and needs.

With your son Solo he has only just left home hasn't he so you need to let him have the space he needs to enjoy his independence and settle etc. Teenagers are changeable those years anyway aren't they lol. Not sure what my boy is going to be like when he is that age eek!

I hope you have all had a good Mothering Sunday .

In the past week it has been my birthday and of course Mother's Day. I got a 'happy birthday x' from Ds at about 7:30pm and absolutely nothing today.

Ds lived with my mum when he was 16 as his 6th form was literally 5 minutes from her; he dropped out and came back home soon after. He then moved out to live with his mate and his junkie mother, but came back after a few months and moved to my mums again after 3 months here at home. It's the rudeness I can't bear. His inability to treat me with any respect. I give him weeks worth of space at a time, but I don't think checking in once a week is a hardship really.

Dd bought me both a birthday gift and mothers day gift and gave me cards for both.

A belated Happy Birthday solo.

I've had a funny week. The dc's had an inset day and both me and ds have had a cold and been awake coughing at night. I'd rather like to sleep through again!

Starting to panic about money. Got school residentials in the next year and the general expense of having teenagers in the not too distant future is looming.

:)

Meglet does your ex pay maintenance? If not can you not take him to Child Maintenance Options? A friend had to do this and she now gets money at last. I understand there is a fee these days though which is outrageous.

'Solo I am sure your ds is just having a phase he must be left to get on with his life if you see what I mean. He is bound to grow out of it. I am sure it is nothing you have done and that he is just adjusting to having left home. Give it a year or two he is going to be a different person I imagine. It must be hurtful but if you let him know you are hurt and expecting to hear all the time he may just ignore you more (think he is just feeling self-indulgent). I hope you had a nice birthday.

polly yes, he pays the full amount (I'm in the tiny minority that has never had a problem and we've now switched over to the new system). It's the general price rises and teen expenses that need some major budgeting for. And I've been looking at my pension and fretting about that.

Does anyone want a 10yr old who's just been on his first sleepover for the day? It's like having a jet-lagged grizzly bear grumping around the house . Roll on bedtime.

Meglet that's a great description! I hope things improve
Money is a worry. My Dd's father gives £200pm, but I live in fear that he'll stop it; he's done it before. Ds's father never supported us financially or in any way.

Mean't to say that I got an out of the blue text from Ds last night. He hoped I was okay and told me he was all good and told me of his official promotion to supervisor. I told him how proud I am of him :)

Aaaw, that's lovely news. Really glad he shared it with you solo .

Just seen the news Solo - that's brilliant, for both of you!
I've just reread my Job Description and discovered I am down to do the same job as the guy that worked part time and left. So not only and I working my 5 days, I'm covering his three and being paid 50% less than he was with no union to go to. He left when I was on probation so couldn't raise it then, and don't know how the hell to raise it now.

And they don't do role reviews either..... think I'm going to have to cut my losses again.......

Thanks Fos . That sounds like a crappy situation you are in. Can you not join a union of your own volition and get some advice from them?

Gosh! A week with no activity.

I'm in conversation with a man...

Oh........good luck.....tell us more!!!!!!!

Not much to tell yet! I'm meeting him for a coffee sometime this week but somehow I have to find someone to have Dd for a couple of hours!
Phone conversations have been easy and comfortable. He was married for 30 years, 4 kids. He and exW grew apart. He does sound great! But I'm not getting my hopes up!

Fingers crossed - you deserve someone nice x

Aw thanks Fos :) We all do though don't we! I'm meeting him on Friday. I'm quite scared! I've had 2 dates in 8.6 years since I split with Dd's father. I have no idea what to wear so it'll end up being jeans...it's just coffee though :)

If you need a 'date mate' I'll pm you my phone number so you can stay safe (not that I have any worries but me and a friend so this for each other just to be on the safe side!!!)

Thanks Fos :) That's lovely of you! I will be leaving his number with my brother who is looking after Dd for me so I should be okay; I'll keep you and your offer in mind though for the future.

I'm a bit miffed to be honest. I met with my 'best friend' today to get our hair done; me just a wash, cut and dry; her a colour. She doesn't work, no worries, has her hair done often (monthly); my last visit was November and I have to get to work. Also she's married and I have a first date on Friday. Anyway, it's a no appointment system and the hair dresser we both want has started another clients colour. Friend then gets called to start her colour...now call me selfish, but I would have thought that due to my circustances, it would have been the right thing to do to let me go first! But no. So I'm waiting and waiting and then it gets to 11:45 and still no sign that I'm going to get called, so I go to friend and say that I'll have to leave it. The 'surprised look' annoyed me. But more so that she didn't think about putting me first. She can be lovely, but often doesn't think of anyone but herself. So now I'm left with hair that looks a mess and a date on Friday! Oh and she got annoyed, offended and took it personally when I refused to tell her my username on the OLD site! I mean, really?! 'But it's me she said! Yes I thought, the same 'me' that went through a list of things with my son that I told her in confidence! .

Ooooh - think I'd be fizzing mad at that too, some people just don't get it, do they?!
I'm sure no matter what he'll be dazzled by you smile and won't notice if your hair is long, short, black, brown, blonde or blue! And no, you don't go telling people your OLD identity!!!!

Really hoping all goes well for you x

Glad it's not just me then! And thank you :)