Number 2 Thread When You Are Fed Up With The Solitary Burden Of Single Parentdom

[Solo]

Happy New Year and Happy New Thread to all the single parents looking for a place to rant, rave, moan, share the highs and the lows and chat with people that know! It is the second thread and probably a slow one if the first is anything to go by, but it's here when we need it.

LINK TO THE FIRST THREAD

Happy new year everyone - and I hope to God for all of us that it's a better one for us all xx

Amen to that.

My resolutions are to learnt to use a drill and do more yoga again.

Mine are to get my house sorted and all the improvements done. Also to put a Christmas tree up next Christmas . Be a better Mum.

Happy New Year everybody. Let us hope that 2017 brings us plenty of inner peace, strong financial security and a large circle of nurturing and empowering friendships (I am thinking BIG!)....

:)

Hi every i'm new. I'm a single parent living in cumbria. I'm looking for new single parents groups to make new friends. Also for my daughter to make new friends. Living on my own. Been separated for 1 year now. Still going through divorce. It is lonely and would love to make some new friends. Christmas was hard just me and my dd. but we got through it. Now back to school back into a routine. Xx

Hello Dayes :) welcome to our thread . I'm afraid I'm nowhere near Cumbria, but we can be friends on here. I have 2 Dc's; a 10 year old girl and a boy of 18 who has seemingly flown the nest. Been on my own for over 8 years and may as well have been on my own for the 4 years I was Dd's girlfriend. It is hard but we get through it somehow :)

Got car hiccups at the minute I have gone to the more expensive garage which is down the road so it means I can walk back and get on with my work. Next Monday is the MOT at the 'God fearing garage' as I call it!

Nice crap start to the new year heh ho. I can't wait to see the homoeopath in a couple of weeks about my winter tune up remedies. I am sleeping badly as it is my cyclical flare up phase Sept to Jan same crap every year and I need assistance. This will pass although I do get sick of it. Other than that ds behaved miraculously well last evening and even gave me a super hug as he knew I felt snowed under and up to my eyes in it! A small silver lining in the heavy cloud of January. I am pretty sure I am in the menopause too as the monthlies have been erratic for a year. No wonder sometimes I am feeling so strung out I could just cry for a week......!

Oddly enough I don't get any of the physical symptoms that others get e.g. night sweats but I do get terrible insomnia, early waking and horrid emotional havoc. The joys of being a woman! It should soon be over though I think 2017 will bring an end to the saga of the monthly curse.

Dayes123 welcome to our little gang - have you looked on meetup dot com and netmums/mumsnet for groups for you? You may find something on there.

Flowers! ((hugs)) Good luck with the MOT. Nice that Ds was so lovely :)

I ran out of diesel tonight on my way home! Never done that before in 36 years!

Solo I ran out of petrol twice in my late twenties when I used to run a TR7 (living way beyond my means in those years!).

Aw thank you ladies for making me welcome. Pollypelargonium52 will try that thank you. And solo thank you look forward to chatting on line here with u. I remember once traveling down the motor way going to a wedding in my bf at the times car we were late! All of sudden we could smell this burning smell from the car. We pulled over called the RAC we had no oil in the car! Xx

Hi all,

Happy New Year to you. Not sure if I ever posted on the old thread but I'm sure I meant to. I am a single parent with a crap memory. Just starting dry January to see if I can salvage any brain cells

Hi Toast :) No idea if you've posted before as my memory is also crap and I don't even drink! Do join in

I was talking on the phone to a friend yesterday. She has been married to the same man for coming up 34 years and is well off, doesn't work and can do just as she likes really. She doesn't know loneliness. She came up with a lightbulb moment around 2 years ago that she has a male friend that she knows through a mutual hobby who is both single and really nice. Well she was going to sort something out so that we could perhaps meet. I'm still waiting...I said to her that I'll look like the back end of a bus by the time we do meet

How are you all doing? :)

Personally I don't get the expectation that to be single you must be lonely. You can be lonely in a relationship. The only time I am floundering is when I have car issues/financial hiatus/ds misbehaving too much at either school or home or when my nerves/sleep disorder has run me ragged.

Other than that I relish the simplicity of living as a single person. I just hate the fact that there are very few of us in the provinces at least certainly where I live. Everybody is wived up and makes no time for you. It used to be way better when I was living in London and also Suffolk (where I grew up) as in both those locations there are way more single parents and they are more sociable locations. So I invariably end up hating where I live by January when I am in my burn out phase. At least I can afford to live up here - just - except for car hiccups i.e. when parts are needed or mot is due right after Xmas!

We have to work at our inner peace and cultivate a supportive friendship circle and to that end I am going to work on that rather than seek a man to fill any voids. Just my view.

Oh I know Flowers but it's the fact that she brings him into the conversation almost everytime we talk ~ which can be often! I am not lonely in the main; 8+ years single you get used to it, but it would be nice to be thought of by my friend of 40 years more than just in passing iyswim? I mean why suggest it if you have no intention of at least passing a phone number over or bringing me up in conversation with him?

Solo I don't call that type of person a friend if they can be so complacent that they don't contact this friend of theirs it wouldn't take a nanosecond of their time after all. I call those fair weather friends and get out of those situations pretty fast. That is just my way there are many more out there that can nurture us as friends and I am sorry to say that most women who are in longterm dependent situations in relationships cannot. That has been my experience. Apologies if that offends any wife or woman in a relationship. I do have the occasional married or partnered up friend but those friends are rare. It is single parent women I enjoy the company of and those I need to find in the neighbourhood. I have had enough of no social life with likeminded single parents where I live and this has got to change.

I don't have single friends...one is about to become one, perhaps even two, but other than that all my friends are married. Never really thought about that before!

I think some women act very independent in their spirit for example the post lady acts like that and is very unhappy with her partner. She enjoys talking to me as I think she envies my ability to be and remain single! Yes life is far more expensive and yes it is a headache to see to diy/car stress etc and it gets me down at times but I have been so long on my own I have come to prefer it. Solo being as you live nearer to London there will be way more single parents and single women around who would be only too happy to hook up? It is this location where they are shockingly scared to be single and over half aren't happy. I am not suggesting everybody should throw their partner out but why settle and why pretend you are happy when you are not. I just call that needy and in denial. Perhaps I am being harsh I don't know. Are there any single parents at the primary school you can meet up with from time to time even for a 1 hour coffee and cake chat? Before the children are back from school etc.

At least those single friends (who are about to be I mean) will now realise they need to socialise with fellow singles. It may take them a while to get used to their new single status though perhaps you could hook up with them slowly? Another problem is you can't go out in the evenings until your daughter is 12 really so it is an issue and one that I had too so I do understand. For anybody reading this wait until they are 12. That said I can't be bothered to go out until March when I am feeling more energetic again as winter is for hibernating and taking stock .....! I doubt I will even start zumba yet as I have to see the homoeopath at least twice about my menopause problems (burnout etc).

I didn't realise how lazy I was socially until I did the Buddhism but i am not preaching. It just seems to help clear the head slowly...... It just takes forever with being so busy all the time. :)

So sorry ladies another really long diatribe must learn to be succinct. :(

I think I flick between being a bit lonesome (not lonely exactly as it's how it is and I don't think on it too much) and wondering how I'd find the time to 'date' anyway to being quite happy to be on my own...the two friends, well one has an almost 2 year old and two older but 10 and under, the other has a 10yo. I'm no longer a social butterfly and feel awkward when 'out' of a rare evening. The school mums that are single are very much younger than me and aren't my 'type' of friend anyway and mostly work so it's doubtful that we would meet up for one reason of the other...

Yes it's important to click with people isn't it. I also feel awkward if I am out in the evening (one evening every two years perhaps!).

A friend in Brighton knows lots of single parents through both primary and secondary school as she has a boy in each one I don't know how she does it and the cost of mortgages/rents is crippling down there so how on earth they get time and money to go out and socialise is beyond me. Her social skills are very honed up I wish I could be that outgoing but I am not and especially since working from home I have gone quite introverted n ow.

Hi all,

Long timer here, have name changed out of shame and paranoia.

I feel at my wits end, just lost. I have a demanding, anxious 12 yo DC and one younger.

I just feel I can't cope. I can't be the mother and father to them both. I can't work, run a home, steer the DCs through life successfully, deal with day to day hassles alone, cope with the logistics of all. I have no family to help and all friends are married and say the right thing occasionally to offer support but when the chips are down (and I generally hate to ask for help anyway) they are often 'not available'.

I just want to know how to do it? How to cope alone? How to make the millions of decisions alone, how to keep the ship afloat financially alone. How do people do it?

My DC is being very difficult at the moment, telling me I'm a shit mum, being very rude and defiant which results in bans on various electrical gadgets which doesn't actually seem to get us anywhere, it's just a cycle. And I feel I am losing. If I don't have respect from a 12 year old surely this is only going to get harder as they get older and physically bigger?

We had contact with SS - I reached out for help, none really available as issues not serious and DC appears fine at school. I see a counsellor but that's once a week and I live in a state of confusion and stress inbetween. Will this phase end? How can I get stronger and get some respect from my DC? It all feels too much.

Thank you for reading.

Hi Changey and welcome.

Please don't feel shame! Parenting is difficult for a couple in a great relationship so being on your own is ultra difficult. Can you explain your paranoia? What has brought that on? Are you afraid of being seen as less than perfect by people that know you or by posters that 'know' you on mn?
How long have you been a lp? It sounds a short time so maybe you are placing too much upon yourself. It must take time to get into a routine and for your Dc's too. I have always been a lp so know no different I suppose. My Ds who is 18 also called me some nasty things and it hurts. At 12yo, I imagine there are all kinds of growing up stuff going on and I think you have to be patient with them. My Ds took to stealing from me. I save £2 coins and he helped himself from the age of 12 I'm now told. At the time it was all I had as back up and it makes me incredibly sad to think that he would have considered doing that to me, but he felt he had 'nothing' and wanted to have money. I think it's a difficult time when kids are hormonal Changey and you are going through tough times coming to terms with the changes and learning how to deal with it all, but it will come :) I'm sure of it. Make sure the basics are done and the rest will fall into place in time. Food, bills, clean clothes and then everything else. The love is there anyway and just tell them often ~ they may throw it back in your face, but it sounds like it's early days and it will be hard for them. Sit down with your finances and work out what you need and what you have to pay for those needs; pull your belt tight and bargain hunt. I took a number of years out after Dd was born and survived on £35 to £40 a week for food and car fuel. It can be hard, but it can be done too.

Thank you solo. I'm not paranoid in rl (I don't think) but I am on some threds on here and do worry about 'outing' myself.

I have been a single parent for a couple of years. With a very challenging XH. Who doesn't want custody of DCs but wants to blame and criticise me for everything. At the moment they don't want to see him because of arguments and challenges they have had there. He has messed me, and more importantly, them about so much with access and wouldn't even tell me where he was living for months at one point. His focus is to upset/destabilise me, the end result is my children suffer. We ended up with a Court order that is a complete mess of access arrangements and again totally disruptive to DCs (if they would go).

I am (just) in control of finances with 3 jobs and lots of juggling, but when an unexpected bill arrives it is just hell as I have no savings.

I guess it is a tough time, January can be miserable for everyone. Most of my friends are wrapped up in their families and I wouldn't have time to see them anyway! My career is non existent (after being very successful years ago) I am tied down with childcare issues and no free time or energy to focus on my career.

It's just the lack of support I find hard I guess. Small decisions over kids misdemeanours, energy for consistency and ideas. It seems things change everyday and I am forever playing catch up.