Number 2 Thread When You Are Fed Up With The Solitary Burden Of Single Parentdom

[Solo]

Happy New Year and Happy New Thread to all the single parents looking for a place to rant, rave, moan, share the highs and the lows and chat with people that know! It is the second thread and probably a slow one if the first is anything to go by, but it's here when we need it.

LINK TO THE FIRST THREAD

Oh Ida... how annoying! And you can't ask them to have DD for a sleepover again too soon either 😕

When i say i can't afford the cost of a babysitter (rate is £10 an hour around here!) People do ask why I don't just get a local teenager... where do I start with my reply to that?!

Hello everyone, joining this thread =)

30 weeks pregnant and about 10 weeks on from splitting with ExP, with whom we had a 2 yr old already. He is in new relationship.

Still early days on the emotional side of it so I know it won't go away overnight but wow, the shock to your system is a bit of a surprise!

ExP did not do much for DD when living at home anyway, other than bath her and entertain her occasionally. All cooking, cleaning, running the family etc was done by me, so I don't know why suddenly lately, I have struggled the most!

He has also cancelled contact 3 times this month, at the drop of a hat - so I'm a bit stressed atm.

Not sure whether it's just because I'm pregnant but I feel very guilty that I actually look forward to DD going to see ExP, as it means time for me when I don't have to think? That makes me feel selfish and like a bad Mother! I should be grateful he has her at all as even though he's not consitant, at least he does see her still, I know some parents dont even have that.

I have been very angry this last couple of weeks to the point I am shouting at DD =( I feel terrible afterwards and I know what I am doing is wrong and tell myself I won't do it again - only to find myself shouting half an hour later (if that!)

I feel stressed that my house seems to constantly be a mess but I have no motivation to want to clean because it's always down to me now - which is ridiculous, as it was before when ExP was here but I suppose he kept her busy and now I guess that was my "alone time" in a way.

Would be nice for family just to take DD whilst I gave house a good do over but I don't want to admit I'm not handling the regular day-to-day tasks well. Plus they easily have the "your ex left you pregnant, why are you still wallowing?!" mindset - can't blame them.

Just hoping I find the strength to pull myself out of this lazy rutt I have gotten in to and stop shouting a DD before my newborn arrives otherwise things will get worse!

Suppose I wasn't expecting being on your own to be quite so hard!

Hi Clash welcome :)

Try not to put so much pressure on yourself; you have so much going on right now! And I can't see why asking family to have your 2yo for a morning/afternoon or day is admitting you aren't coping ~ please do it...you could say you have an appointment and while they have Dd, could they keep her while you have a bit of a tidy up/rest/relaxing bath...If you have people to ask then do; they can say yes or no, but you won't know if you don't ask :)
I hope I've not scared you off as we have a lovely thread, supportive and a listening ear.

It was my birthday yesterday. My Dc's did actually buy me cards and gifts :) My Mum didn't text or phone me until 11:05... PM and even then, she talked about herself, her hospital appointments etc and then 3 minutes in, she wished me happy birthday. Dd forgot too until I reminded her at 5:30pm...

ittoo yep, we've been through enough, I don't want to start using random teens to babysit either! Of course it no had a social life I might get to know adults with great teens who could help, but there's the problem of not having a social life......

Happy Birthday for yesterday solo. Your mum though .

Bloomin' phone 'if I had a social life...'.

Just watching the news about Brussels. I've not been great since the Paris attacks tbh. I had to get counselling so I could cope with the dc's going on a school trip to London without me. I know the odds are tiny but I dwell on the risks too much.

Meglet thank you :) Yes, I know! Mum is odd at times...

I know what you mean about letting the kids go on trips...I worry a lot. We live on the borders of se London...school trips are often in central London. Very scary.

Thanks Solo and Happy Birthday for the other day! =)

Feeling much better today, think it was just a bad un when I posted! x

Can I join?

I just posted my own thread asking for stories of light at the end of the tunnel.

H killed himself in Jan and I am lone parenting three under 7s (I still cannot believe I am writing this stuff!). He was EA and unfaithful and mean and so there is no grief but I am finding it very hard.

20 month old doesn't sleep well atm and the two older boys fight a bit and argh, sometimes I find the drudge unbearable.

Money is less of an issue as I have a highly paid job but when I return from my extended CL next month things will get hard as I am MD of a company of 400 people, but don't feel like I can take a demotion as want as much cash as poss. Also have some life insurance and other bennies coming but lots of hoop jumping. The thought of doing a big meeting after a night of no sleep fills me with dread (H also worked there and had had an affair there last year which I is why I kicked him out and was a driver of the suicide, but my return to work emotionally is another thread!).

YYY to what you are all saying about feeling like you need to enter into another relationship just to get a bit of help! Preposterous but I've thought it too. I too am driven mad by 'mummmeeeee!' And the fighting and whining. Luckily I know a fair few single mums so weekends are ok but the future is long and I know I will have those tough times.

Oh dilys, so sorry to hear of all you have been through. I think I have seen you post in threads before.

I wish I could offer you some sound advice. If you have some pennies coming from benefits/insurances, maybe then you could take a demotion? You'll know your circumstances better than us and sometimes you just have to do what's best, even though it's not always the easiest decision

Not applying this to your situation but I do find it interesting personally that, as much as I hate my ex for what he has put us through, I am almost feeling like I took HIM for granted now - which is ridiculous and I hope it passes soon! Haha

Welcome dilys I'm sorry for all you have gone through and are still going through. My exh1 committed suicide in 2009; we'd been long divorced and he was massively abusive all round, but it still affected me badly, so if you do have a wobble, we are here

Thanks both. I could take a demotion I guess and I suppose if that's right for me it will become clear upon my return.

Aside from the money, I'd worked so hard to establish that career and the thought that he might bring it to a halt enrages me. He had very much tried to humiliate me with his affairs and flirtations at work (or at best had no concern whatsoever about doing so) and attack me behind my back and I would hate for him to have succeeded in lowering me in any way.

That said, he's a pile of dust and his posthumous reputation that of a cowardly cheat at worst and mentally ill at best, so what does it matter?

I'd say 'sorry to hear that' Solo, but I'm guessing like me, you're not that sorry. People's sympathies and assumptions I am grieving has been one of the things I have battled against. I don't give two shits he is dead and haven't mourned him once; he'd treated me and the kids like utter shit and showed his contempt for us in his final dramatic act of petulance (a high drama tube jump). What I do care about is the mental health and happiness of the kids and finding a way through the challenges and relentlessness of single parenting.

Did you have DCs with exh1 Solo? If so, how do you talk about him and have you experienced any delayed effects in the kids?

Me and my ex used to work together - I hate the thought of him having a good bitch and skewing what happened to his benefit (I'm thinking victim vs villian situation) but then I realised that they're opinions don't actually mean anything and there are two sides to every story.

I imagine what you went through at work was much harder though, given it occured in the workplace but in my eyes you came off better as you are the one that battled through everything and people will hopefully credit you with that (not that you need the validation) I hope things are easier upon your return dilys.

I'm sorry, I'm not very good with words - things always sound better in my head than when I try write them down!

Sorry to you too Solo for what you have had to cope with

Thanks Clash. Think I'll be up tonight for literally 14th night in a row with my youngest, who is hot again and coughing etc. She's already been in hospital once this fortnight.

I think illness more than any other challenge brings home the bleakness of single parenting. The world looks a horrid place at 1am with a crying, hot child.

My dead H (although I prefer to call him an ex despite fact he technically wasn't yet) would have been as much a source of further stress as a help (very resentful about broken sleep and always reminded me when she was ill how he hadn't wanted a third child) but being literally alone is hard as we all know. At least I could make him take turns to be up.

No dilys I was lucky that I did not have my children with him.

DD is with exP and family now until Sunday afternoon! Quite shocked and not sure what to do with myself already!

Spring cleaning and getting my house ready for the arrival of baby features heavily on the agenda but even though I still woke early, I haven't managed to get started yet and it's nearly lunchtime. Oops...obviously still hiding away on mumsnet.

What are everyone elses plans this weekend?

Oooh! Good for you clash!

I'm supposed to be sorting my house out!

Although I was used to having the children alone in the week, as H worked away, it is true that the lone parenting really hits when they are ill dilys. No relief, no one to look after me and not well myself. No one to seek support from over the phone and no encouragement.

So much illness around at the moment. I've just had bad cold myself... which has taken way longer to shift then it should. Being a single mum means you can't take the rest needed to get better!

Anyway... I have family coming to me for big easter meal today. Looking forward to it, but boy oh boy it's been hard work getting the house in order! Serious cleaning had to be done. The place was filthy. Oops.

Really want to get a cleaner but it seems craziness to spend money on something I can do myself... is it money week spent?

Only 6 hours until the family descends so I'd better get up and make a start... The wine will be open well before noon... can't wait!

Happy easter everyone. Do you think anyone will bring an egg for me?!

Dilys... what a tough situation you are in. Just do what you want to do. If it suits you to take a demotion... do it. If you want to see how you get on in the role you have worked so hard for do it!

Surround yourself with supportive people. Delegate everything you can. You're in a great position as MD... let people help. I'm sure there are plenty who will want the opportunity to take on more.

Perhaps give yourself a staged return to full capacity at work?

Be kind to yourself. Xx

Hello Heart are you a name changer or is it just my crap memory playing games and I don't recognise you? Apologies if so.

How are you all doing? I've woken up this morning with a cough and not feeling too well (again!). I have loads to sort out at home too, so not good at all...

Morning all, happy Easter...
Although I can't be bothered with this tbh
My sister normally has an Easter egg hunt for the kids but she's hardly bothered with me recently, came to my sons birthday but hardly said a word to me.
So exp is working as per I have the kids (all 4 this weekend as my odler 2 normally go to their dads and my youngest is poorly) cabin fever already as it's raining and I'm so tired - I have an under active thyroid and I just feel I'm losing control of the house, I work as a nurse 2 days and I have no energy after that takes me days to recover, sounds pathetic I feel it that's for sure.

Just having a pj day so far today, kids are irritating me & it's not their fault I'm just fed up sorry for such a grumpy post but sometimes feels good to put feelings into words x

Hi Kay Happy Easter to you too and everyone don't worry about moaning on here! We all do it...call it therapy . I'm still in my onesie too and may just stay that way . I completely understand the tired thing; I and at least one other poster on here have chronic Fatigue Syndrome and then some! Take it easy and don't beat yourself up.

Nothing wrong with a PJ day! I'm dressed but still wearing my dressing gown over the top

Laid on my bed right now wishing for a Disney moment and that my floordrobe is just going to put itself away and that my laundry is going to end up in the right place but I still cannot find my motivation!

Just take some needed rest Kaykee - there is always another day! =)

Ah, Solo ... I am a name-changer but that was my first post on this thread. I recognise you ... we chat on another thread , so, if I was familiar either to you or in my style, that is why.

Quite new to lone parenting and had no idea you were one, either, as it isn't especially relevant to the other thread.