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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Genuine questions for single parents-Don't want to cause offence!

131 replies

Hughesy123 · 17/04/2015 14:50

First off I just want to say that I hope I don't offend anyone, I just need to put my mind at rest as I'm currently in a situation with my younger sister were I think she has staged a break up with her partner in order to claim single parent benefits. I'll just state from the off, that I myself am married, so no, I have no idea what it must be like to have to raise children alone, I can only imagine that for some it must be incredibly difficult. I've suspected for a while now that my sister is on fiddle but i'd just like to get other people's perspectives as I'm not sure what is usual and typical behaviour when you're separated from your partner yet still trying to be amicable for the children.

From the start lol. They have three children together and they have been on/off breaking up for years. They own a house together but he has moved out and now lives at his grandads which is round the corner from where my sister now lives in her new rented council house! She claim they are not together but he is never away from her house. When he sees the kids it is always at my sisters house as he claims the kids can't go to his grandads house as he's too old.

So he hangs around the house like nothing has changed and then walks the 5 minute walk back to his grandads house. He still does diy jobs around the house for my sister, and has recently helped her decorate and fit carpets. They went on holiday together at Xmas claiming it was for the kids benefit, and if my sister goes out for a night out he will sleep over "on the couch"

Now like I said I've never been in the situation were I've been separated from my children's father and having work hard to keep it together for. Kids sake BUT surely this isn't normal?

My sister works 20 hours a week and claims tax credits, housing benefit, council tax the lot, and she quite openly said the other day that it's like her and her "ex" are a couple but there not! And that she makes sure he is not seen to be contributing to her house otherwise she may get into trouble. Now I know you'd probably think if there was something dodgy going on then she wouldn't dare come out with a comment like but that's what my sister is like, she plays mind tricks and somehow in her head bekwives she is doing nothing wrong.

Now I'm not sure no for sure if he does or doesn't contribute to bills/food etc but they are still carrying on like they are in a couple so surely that is wrong and could be deemed as still being a couple in the eyes of benefits system?

So I suppose what I'm asking is this typical behaviour for a single parent and a couple who chosen to separate? My sister lives the life of Riley, or out every weekend, always buying new clothes, splurging loads of money on my niece and nephews yet to me, If she genuinely is single and not earning too good money (which she doesn't ) then surely she wouldn't be able to afford to piss her money up the wall and live the way she does?

I know i probably reek of resentment and to be honest sometimes I am a bit, but it's mainly because I bekwives she is lying to me, and that he has staged this break up just to claim money she's not entitled to. I have genuine single friends, some who earn decent money and they can't afford to go out every Saturday night, they can't afford to have expensive hair cuts/manicure/lunches out with friends like my sister does, they are barely surviving, so what am I missing?

OP posts:

MyOtherNameIsFunnier · 17/04/2015 14:52

They own a house but she has a new rented council house?

Um. Bollocks.

Original poster

Hughesy123 · 17/04/2015 14:54

I assure you it's true.

OP posts:

Original poster

Hughesy123 · 17/04/2015 14:56

When my sister announced they'd split up (again) she told me that she told the council that their house is in negative equity which to be honest it is, and that she couldn't sell it. But my friend told me that this alone would not get her a council house and that she would have to prove that there was an urgent reason why she needed out of the house and away from her "ex"

OP posts:

totallyjaded · 17/04/2015 15:19

No way has she just been given a council house. Something not right there at all. It doesn't work like that at all.

SoonToBeSix · 17/04/2015 15:21

Legally you can be a couple and still be a single parent if you don't live together anyway.
Maybe just concentrate on your own life, jealously is never attractive.

DownWithThisTypeOfThing · 17/04/2015 15:28

So I suppose what I'm asking is this typical behaviour for a single parent and a couple who chosen to separate?

What if it is or isn't typical behaviour? What will you do with this information?

Original poster

Hughesy123 · 17/04/2015 15:29

Right ok, what reason would I have to lie, and more importantly why would I want to....? And you say co concentrate on my own life, well that is what I'm trying to do but when I have my sister constantly moaning on at me about how hard it is being a single parent, when I don't believe she is, then it is my business.

OP posts:

Original poster

Hughesy123 · 17/04/2015 15:31

Oh my god, I won't do anything, I genuinely just wanted some perspective that's all as to me this seems an unusual set up.

OP posts:

cestlavielife · 17/04/2015 15:52

even if the house is inn negative equity the mortgage still has to be paid. unless they letting it be respossesed?

i dont know why you asking if its typical of a single parent. you just come across as jealous - however if you think she is claiming fraudulently report her anonymously they will check it out.

Original poster

Hughesy123 · 17/04/2015 16:01

Oh of course, I mean in only asking a genuine question but this means I'm jealous, ok you can ofcourse think what you like. And the mortgage is being paid, they got a tenant in to rent the house they own.

OP posts:

NataliaBaker · 17/04/2015 16:16

There's more than one type of "typical single parent". Just leave them to it and stop stressing.

Original poster

Hughesy123 · 17/04/2015 16:20

I'm not stressing. I suppose what I'm asking is if any of you have this kind of set up? And if not would you find it weird to carry on like everything is the same when it's not? Oh and then there is the matter of benefit fraud and cheating the system which as you know is illegal, but what does that matter, let's just sweep that under the carpet eh.

OP posts:

Alpinecrunch · 17/04/2015 16:26

I'm a single parent, own my own home, work full time, well educated to post graduate level, earn a higher than average salary, work from home so I'm practically always around for my child. I'm pretty typical for a single parent around my friendship group. I really resent being lumped into any 'typical' group. Sorry, couldn't be arsed even reading the OP past the typical single parent reference. I'm too tired

HoppityVoosh · 17/04/2015 16:26

Doesn't sound like they're doing anything illegal but I know I'd never want to have that much contact with an ex. So, I'd say it sounds unusual. Not illegal, just unusual.

Original poster

Hughesy123 · 17/04/2015 16:32

Sorry if I caused any offence, I didn't mean typical to mean the way you probably took it. What I mean was is this set up typical, ur still living in each other's pockets, going on holidays together etc etc.

OP posts:

Viviennemary · 17/04/2015 16:35

There is no such thing as a typical single parent any more than a typical married couple. If you suspect your sister is committing benefit fraud then that's a serious business. Otherwise let them get on with their lives.

Alpinecrunch · 17/04/2015 16:36

Take no notice of me hughsey, I need wine, I've had a long week

gallicgirl · 17/04/2015 16:37

Who lives in the house they own together if DP lives with grandfather and your sister lives in a council house?
It doesn't matter if the house is in negative equity; if there's a property she could live in, she wouldn't be entitled to a council house. Sounds like tenancy fraud to me regardless of the situation with the ex.

girliefriend · 17/04/2015 16:41

If she owns a house she wouldn't get a council house and certainly would not be entitled to housing benefit. Unless she hasn't been entirely honest....

Original poster

Hughesy123 · 17/04/2015 16:43

No it's ok, like I said my intention wasn't to upset anyone. I just genuinely do no believe my sister, which I know is a terrible thing to say but you have no idea how she is. She likes to play the victim (especially on Facebook) she over plays everything telling everyone all who will listen her private business, and goes on and on how hard her life is and how easy mine must be simply because I have a husband, this has been going on for years and it's just grinding me down a little.

OP posts:

AmIthatHot · 17/04/2015 16:44

I dont know that there is a typical single parent behaviour.

I'm like Alpine. I work F/T, own my home and car, am in a professional job, only benefits we get are child benefit and DD's DLA.

So I don't think your sister is typical, mainly because there is no typical

Original poster

Hughesy123 · 17/04/2015 16:46

Her ex found someone who wanted to rent the house and they now have them moved in on a one years lease. I always thought you couldn't get a council house or get housing benefit if you own a property but I've seen it in black and white as she shown me a few months ago, I think she gets something like £400 Hb and her rent is only £500!

OP posts:

TheWhiteRoad · 17/04/2015 16:49

Yes all single parents are feckless benefit scroungers living the good life at the expense of the state. Is that what you wanted to hear OP?

ouryve · 17/04/2015 16:49

So they own a house together, but neither of them live in it anymore because he's moved to his dad's and she's moved into a rented house? Why would anybody want to do that

TheGirlFromIpanema · 17/04/2015 16:50

I dunno. House thing sounds untrue weirdly odd. Unless she is in an area of abundant council housing it is very very difficult to get to the top of the council lists and I think you may not be in full possession of the facts.

Secondly LP's can have 'extra' money for want of a better word as maintenance payments do not count in any way towards income for the purposes of tax credit assessment. Not sure about hb etc as I have never claimed them. So I receive very generous maintenance (from two ex's) on top of my average salary and tc top up income. Tbh I could manage without the tc's but why wouldn't I claim them if they are available? Also when exp1 was on long term sick the maintenace stopped abruptly so I did then need the tc money. My maintenance from him is court ordered and deducted directly from his salary. I had not received a penny for 10 years before that happened, so now it appears generous and allows me to have a much nicer lifestyle. ExP2 doesn't pay much as he helped with dc1 for all those years so I don't ask for anything and he pays a token amount (for his salary level) He does however help me a lot with the house etc.

I am aware I have much more disposable income than a lot of my coupled up friends who may earn similiar amounts, especially if one stays at home.

meh, I don't think about it much and I don't think they do either

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