Genuine questions for single parents-Don't want to cause offence!

[Hughesy123]

First off I just want to say that I hope I don't offend anyone, I just need to put my mind at rest as I'm currently in a situation with my younger sister were I think she has staged a break up with her partner in order to claim single parent benefits. I'll just state from the off, that I myself am married, so no, I have no idea what it must be like to have to raise children alone, I can only imagine that for some it must be incredibly difficult. I've suspected for a while now that my sister is on fiddle but i'd just like to get other people's perspectives as I'm not sure what is usual and typical behaviour when you're separated from your partner yet still trying to be amicable for the children.

From the start lol. They have three children together and they have been on/off breaking up for years. They own a house together but he has moved out and now lives at his grandads which is round the corner from where my sister now lives in her new rented council house! She claim they are not together but he is never away from her house. When he sees the kids it is always at my sisters house as he claims the kids can't go to his grandads house as he's too old.

So he hangs around the house like nothing has changed and then walks the 5 minute walk back to his grandads house. He still does diy jobs around the house for my sister, and has recently helped her decorate and fit carpets. They went on holiday together at Xmas claiming it was for the kids benefit, and if my sister goes out for a night out he will sleep over "on the couch"

Now like I said I've never been in the situation were I've been separated from my children's father and having work hard to keep it together for. Kids sake BUT surely this isn't normal?

My sister works 20 hours a week and claims tax credits, housing benefit, council tax the lot, and she quite openly said the other day that it's like her and her "ex" are a couple but there not! And that she makes sure he is not seen to be contributing to her house otherwise she may get into trouble. Now I know you'd probably think if there was something dodgy going on then she wouldn't dare come out with a comment like but that's what my sister is like, she plays mind tricks and somehow in her head bekwives she is doing nothing wrong.

Now I'm not sure no for sure if he does or doesn't contribute to bills/food etc but they are still carrying on like they are in a couple so surely that is wrong and could be deemed as still being a couple in the eyes of benefits system?

So I suppose what I'm asking is this typical behaviour for a single parent and a couple who chosen to separate? My sister lives the life of Riley, or out every weekend, always buying new clothes, splurging loads of money on my niece and nephews yet to me, If she genuinely is single and not earning too good money (which she doesn't ) then surely she wouldn't be able to afford to piss her money up the wall and live the way she does?

I know i probably reek of resentment and to be honest sometimes I am a bit, but it's mainly because I bekwives she is lying to me, and that he has staged this break up just to claim money she's not entitled to. I have genuine single friends, some who earn decent money and they can't afford to go out every Saturday night, they can't afford to have expensive hair cuts/manicure/lunches out with friends like my sister does, they are barely surviving, so what am I missing?

Would you say you're typical of clueless goady fuckers OP?

Omg! Yes she is working but she earns under the £16k threshold so that is how she got the place for my nephew! She actually earned just under 17k but she managed to get tax credits to accept she uses fuel for work, fuel allowance or something, so they knocked it off hence she was under the £16k cut off.

Oh Em Gee! What a complete load of made up nonsense lol!

If you are in any sense real, you're sister is playing you for the credulous DM-swallowing, slathering bogot that you are, hun

Ha. Not sure exactly what a bogot is. But it suits you

OP

In January I split from my husband. We had been together 14 years, married for 10 and have 4 DC ( 12,11,8 & 8).
We are friends. We spend some time together. When he works I go to his house and spend the day there to look after the DC. We have family days out. We get on very well. Infact we get on so well that our 4 children have adjusted amazingly to the split. They see we are happy and they still get time as a family. I respect my ex greatly and in return he respects me. The children see that. We are under no illusions of how breakups affect children and we have from the start done all we can to make it as easy for them as possible.

It does happen and it does work. It has nothing to do with benefit fraud and all to do with supporting our children to cope with the break up of mum and dad.

It does not confuse them as we have been honest and clear from the start. They are well adjusted and happy which is all my ex and I are concerned with.

My ex is not a wanker so I do not treat him like one.

You need to broaden your thinking OP as you are coming across as very ignorant.

As a working single mother, I only wish I could get some of these amazing incredibly generous single mother benefits your sister has found, OP!

Fwiw, I holiday with my ex, because, as pp have stated, it is nice for DC to see that we are friends, because it makes sense financially, because we both get more of a break, because why should I go on holiday with his wider family without him, and so on. Having children together is a commitment til Death. It will make all of our lives easier if we get on well. We both have our own lives as well.

To be honest, I think your tone is deeply offensive to single parents, most of whom are not feckless scroungers on the make, but victims of circumstance. I hope you are more accepting of your single parent friends than you sound!

Because then he lives rent free at his grandad's, she gets practically full housing benefit and other things ie council tax, lone parent tax credits, free nursery place for my 2 year old nephew etc etc

No such thing as 'lone parent tax credits', nor do 2 year olds get free nursery places. 2 year olds of some lone parents (depends very much on the area and availability) may get 15 hours of week free nursery education, but that is not a free nursery place. Council Tax is payable at some level by far the majority of areas at the moment - even for those on full 'single parent benefits'.

Your posts are absolutely vile. You absolutely meant to cause offence to the hundreds of single parents who will have read your post.

Just seen your post after my post.

Are you calling me a liar?

My ExH and I have enough respect for each other and for our children to make nice. They live in my home so he helps make it a nice home. He sees his kids daily - you've managed to make this into a bad thing?!?

We have rented a 3 bed place to holiday so we can all have holiday time with the kids but so I can have holiday time myself.

Explain to me how neither of us know we are a couple? We have filed for divorce and separated and do not live or sleep together.
Yet because we try to make family life for our children we MUST be a couple??

Your a fucking circus show OP.

Fuck off to the far side of fuck and when you get there... Fuck off some more.
Parading around the lone parent forum flaunting your pathetically fake perfect life and made up bullshit sister story.

I realise I'm being taken in by you OP. But I've woken up this morning still angry at your twattyness.

Who does shit like this?? You have NO clue how hard it is being a single parent. NO idea how difficult it is to get along with some when you have separated and are at odds. Yet you think you have a right to judge people who do know how hard it is.

My ExH doesn't let himself in and make food or watch TV. He knocks at the door and I let him in. Why wouldn't I?
Because we've separated means we have to hate each other?? I could see why your dh would hate you if he was lucky enough to leave you and your vile disgusting views and self important way of presenting them.

You come to a forum that is designed to support women and men in a fucking tough, difficult and non stop situation where the choice between food and heating is far more often then it ever should be and you gloat about your situation but worse you inform us all that your fictional sister is fiddling the system and that your fucking proud of her?!? What the actual fuck is wrong with you??

Perhaps you are the 'sister' and your trying to see if you will get caught out. I hope you do.

Between myself and my children's father we have formed a circumstance where we are happy and our children are happy and life ticks by without too much upset and heartbreak and YOU have the audacity to JUDGE ME and accuse me of lying?????

Someone up thread told you to tread carefully for fear of being a cuntweasel.... You didn't tread carefully.

Well said Littlemiss

LittleMiss

Someone up thread told you to tread carefully for fear of being a cuntweasel.... You didn't tread carefully.

Possibly my favourite post ever.

You can dress it up all you like but if your "ex" is seeing your kids daily (which the majority of dads don't), he is doing jobs around your home (why don't you hire someone?) AND you're holidaying together (completely ridiculous IMO and probably confusing for the children) then YOU ARE A COUPLE!!!!

Oh, I see. Because they're separated, they have to be at each other's throats, and the children should only see their other parent EOW and the ex shouldn't be allowed to help out in any way? Otherwise they are still a couple? The mind boggles at how ridiculously stupid this kind of thinking is. Clueless, utterly clueless. And appallingly closed minded as well. Apparently every couple that has separated must follow the exact same rules or they're still a couple.

Someone up thread told you to tread carefully for fear of being a cuntweasel.... You didn't tread carefully.

Sooooooooooooo true.

I'm surprised this thread is still here.

"Don't want to cause offence" deserves some kind of special thread title troll prize.

Ok ladies , sounds like some facts are needed. I am a DWP fraud officer of 25 yrs standing and have seen and heard every possible permutation of ' living together' or not, known to man. There is a LOT of nonsense and myth surrounding this so it's probably time to tell everyone who cares to know what is and isn't acceptable..

1. There are NO number of days a week that your Dh/dp/oh is 'allowed' to stay and still be considered single
2. Whether or not you share a bed/sofa/floor space is of absolutely no interest to the dwp. When we do house raids, we do not sniff the sheets (I promise)
3. He 'doesn't' live here he lives at his mans/mums/uncle teds is of absolutely no interest.

What makes it ' living together is very very simple. You are a lone parent if you pay for you and your children's lives entirely out of your own pocket, with the only extra income allowing you to do so is maintenance paid to you for your mutual dcs. This can be done through a private arrangement or through the CSM, but if you don't have it paid through the bank and labelled as such you will have a hard job proving this. The reason for this is simple. If you are a genuine lone parent, then the govt will assist you in various ways to top up your income to help you raise your family. If you have a significant other contributing to any bills, you have an unfair advantage. Be that paying the to licence or buying the family food, or taking the children out for anything over and above normal contact (if it includes the other half paying for you in anyway)

That's it . Nothing more complicated just about fairness.from what the OP said, I would definitely investigate this set up if she reported it and think her concerns are entirely valid. Though is obviously more difficult when it's a member of the family.

That's very interesting kitten

You don't use The DWP Decision Maker's Guide, Volume 3 Chapter 11 then?

Renegade unit, are you?

Amongst other things, Vol 3, Chap 11 says;

The DM must consider all the circumstances of a case in deciding whether two people are members of the same household. In addition to DMG 11053, there are other factors commonly associated with a household which should be explored. These factors have been identified in cases dealing with whether married couples, who claim to be estranged, are still living in the same household, but they may also indicate the existence of a shared household occupied by an unmarried couple. The DM should consider evidence relating to the following when making a finding as to whether a household exists
1.
the circumstances in which the claimant and their partner came to be living in the same house;

the arrangements for payment for the accommodation;
3.
the arrangements for the storage and cooking of food;
4.
the eating arrangements (whether separate or not);
5.
the domestic arrangements such as cooking, cleaning, gardening and minor household maintenance;
6.
the financial arrangements (who pays which bills? Is there a joint account? whose name is shown on utility bills?);
7.
evidence of family life.
Other considerations
11056 The fact that two people, who are not married to each other, are members of the same household does not necessarily mean that they are LTAMC and so a couple. A relationship may resemble LTAMC but consideration of its origins may show it to be something quite different. Additionally, DMs should consider
1.
the facts and circumstances that exist while the couple are living together1 and
2.
what their future plans are.

But you prefer your 'very simple' way do you?

Arf.

@ "renegade"

I'm not sure I have ever come across a poster so very pleased with themselves as you kittens.

The idea that the DWP raid houses is sweet though

Like the Famous Five?

In all seriousness, kittens that kind of misleading post scares people who are doing nothing wrong.

If you don't have malign intent, please think about the effect of that type of puffed-up posting.

Agree. I also have grave concerns that someone who holds a job with that kind of power has the attitude and arrogance that comes across in your post kittens. I'm not at all surprised though.

This happens a lot. Single mum works 16 hours, claims the benefits she is entitled to and as long as her partner has another address he is registered to they cannot prove they are a couple. Maintenance is now thankfully disregarded from the benefits assessment so some contribution is acceptable.

I recall some of my friends who were single mums saying that DSS officials were watching their house to see if they had a man staying more the 3 nights a week, not sure if this still happens.

OP mentions her sister is out around Barrow. I know Barrow and it explains how OP might have paid her mortgage off at a young age. It's a low value area for house prices yet it has very well paid jobs in and around the town.

I went on holiday with an ex, we certainly were not a couple and I was living on my own, him nearly 200 miles away, but we hadn't quite ended the relationship. Didn't mean he was paying my bills though.

"What makes it ' living together is very very simple"

So very simple you decided not to bother explaining? Cos you didn't. At all.
Read it again, maybe?

(Renegade unit, are you?... )

Whenever I see the wanky phrase 'genuine question' I smell a disease carrying rodent.