Can ex do this?

[TemporarilyOutOfOrder]

After being split up for 2 years my ex is now paying £85 a month for our da. He comes out of work with £250 a week so it's the least he can do. He's insisting on receipts for everything I buy with it and has said its only to be used for clothing and presents for birthdays etc. he never even got ds a birthday present as he claimed that money covered it. I'm not to use it for food, gas or electricity etc. can he do this or is it just another way of him trying to have power over me? He's told me if I don't he will stop making payments.

Tia

Have you checked out the Child Maintenance Service calculator to see what his liability would be once any deductions for shared care have been taken into account?

Yes, I've put in all the details and it's coming out at £29 a week. Currently he's paying me £85 every 4 weeks so £21.25 a week. Thats on his old wages, he's just had a pay rise so it will be at least £29 a week. Ive rang child maintenance options and they have given me a lot of advice and I will be applying for maintence properly tomorrow.

Ok well the other thing is new applications for child maintenance are calculated on the basis of the paying parents gross income but any pension contributions are an allowable deduction. That means you could be little or no better off if your ex is paying into a pension.

If he isn't paying into a pension and won't pay voluntarily you need to be pragmatic and calculate the potential costs of going through the Child Maintenance Service. There are application fees and charges to collect and pay child maintenance. That means potentially your ex could pay an extra 20% and you could pay 4% of the child maintenance you receive so it is both parents' interests to agree child maintenance (if at all possible) rather than go to through the CMS.

I agree it would be better if we could agree ourselves but we are talking about a man who wants receipts for everything, told me what I can and can't buy with it and just tonight asked me to give him my online banking details so he can check what im getting for ds so it's just not going to happen. We've been split up two years and he still tries to hold control over me so therefore the best thing is to arrange it through child maintenance services. The application fee is £20.

He's after your online banking details? What planet does your ex live on?? Controlling twat .

Yes, he's made some astounding demands but even that one shocked me. Hes certainly not on the same planet as the rest of us.

Yep CMS definitely seems the way to go...The less contact the better in this case the better.

Child maintenance is a contribution towards all the costs of raising a child - providing a home, utilities, food, clothing, toiletries, medicine, entertainment, travel, school trips, bikes, computers, bedding, toys, books, childcare etc etc. For those of us who can just about remember the days before the CSA the courts would add up all the households living expenses and divide it by the number of people in the household to determine the amount of maintenance per child.

The CM Options website has some useful information and resources to help separated parents discuss child maintenance and manage conflict. Also CM Options can be contacted over the phone and you need to do this before applying to the Child Maintenance Service. If your ex insists child maintenance is to just to pay for clothing and presents not for utilities or food refer him to the pdf "The cost of raising your child How much will your child need?"

www.cmoptions.org/en/pdfs/refresh/cost-of-raising-your-child.pdf

Receipts can be useful when discussing the amount of child maintenance to be paid. Once the amount has been determined though you need to establish some autonomy and boundaries. YOu could assert child maintenance is a contribution towards the costs of raising your child that the paying parent makes to the parent with the majority of care who has day to day responsibility for the child. You can both act unilaterally without having to account for your spending when your child is with you. The point of separation is that each party is autonomous and finances are run separately.

If I were you I'd only speak via email, it's all on record then. I can't believe he's willing to walk out of a job just to spite you! Let him tell you that via email. I'd let hem do it as he'll be much worse off as won't get JSA. Stay strong op

I am only going to communicate through texts and email from now on. Yeah he's unbelievable, if I told you half the stuff he's come out with over the years you would think I was making it up.

Well done for standing up to him. That is the first step to him backing the fuck off.

Just out of curiosity I would add up how much it is to keep your dc per month. Including all bills ie rent, ct,gas, electric, food, clothes, activities, etc. If he carries on you can tell him how deluded he is in thinking 30 a week is enough to raise a child.

I'm so glad I don't talk with my ex regarding maintenance. It's not worth the hassle. I use the csa or whatever it is now called and it's £10 a fortnight as on benefits it's generous I think hehe

Wow, he really does think he's something doesn't he?!

What a wanker.

Do you ever look at him and just wonder how you ended up pregnant to him?

As for his permission for you child to stay at your mum's?? WTAF?

Go on, indulge us, tell us some of the other barking things he's said or done!

But don't fall for anymore of his crap!

Wow number1daddy you sound, er, nice..................

yes no1 Daddy you sounds fantastic Dad. I spend £5 a on a kids partyfor a child I don't really know so yes £5 a week is very generous for your won child

I am glad you posted though as there are many NRP parents who think the same but are also as deluded as you

Number1daddy......
When you say it's £10 a fortnight as on benefits, do you mean you, and this is what you pay?

Number one arsehole daddy you mean

Get a fucking job and support your child - £5 a week is obviously a tiny amount

Number1daddy are you for fucking real?

well my sons lucky to get that. Half the time he gets nothing as my ex ceases communication with the csa. I've never expected maintenance from her. I think some of you jump to conclusions far too quickly and the colourful language too.

I agree NRP like in my case don't pull their weight

I'm far from lazy. I'm going self employed soon hopefully

Oh bollocks you deliberately wrote that to make it look like you were the absent parent

What your ex doing is shit

maybe quit with the games then number1dad ... If a woman had said that I would of said the same. My Ex refused to communicate with CSA so they take it from his benefits

It's very wise only to communicate through texts and emails, and to do it in a formal but non accusary /inflammatory way bearing in mind that texts and emails can then be used as evidence that you are being reasonable if necessary. Also I wouldn't react to any messages you receive until you have taken time to formulate a careful response.