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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Original poster

Fed up with not having anyone to share the burdens with.

960 replies

Solo · 20/08/2014 16:46

Bit of a self pitying thread really, but it's taken me a very long time and I can now say with conviction that after being on my own for so long...

I am fed up with the burden of being alone.
I am fed up with struggling on my own.
I am sometimes lonely.
I have no single parent friends or single friends at all and my 'social life' ha! what a joke is visiting my widowed Mum or visiting my Brother.
I miss my Dad terribly.
I can't get a job.
Not one 'friend' has spoken to me so far this summer holiday (except one that lives on cloud fluffyland in her mansion and that really cheers me up because shopping is her passtime!).

I could write a very long list of problems and yes, I know we all have problems, but I just don't want to do it on my own any longer, I don't want to face the problems on my own :( I could cry right now and need a real 'man hug' and I don't care who knows it!

OP posts:
Original poster
Solo · 15/12/2015 00:53

Everything OK ES? I'm a bit confused as to why you'd have that innocuous post deleted...

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Elfieselfie · 17/12/2015 17:30

Hello!!! Im a single mum of two and i just wanted to join in and say it gives me the rage when friends say their (high earning) husbands have been away so they know how I feel. Same friends moan they are too tired to make the journey to visit me even though they work only 2 or 3 days per week (and one has a cleaner) yet im busting my gut working full time. Pisses me off that they just don't get it!!!!

Original poster
Solo · 17/12/2015 23:01

Welcome aboard Elfie :) Just dive in; rant, chant, moan, share good things and not so good things...the thread can be quiet at times, but we usually keep it in our TIO. Thanks

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Original poster
Solo · 17/12/2015 23:02

Chant?! I did not type chant Hmm

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Elfieselfie · 17/12/2015 23:41

Thanks Solo- i like a good rant. Maybe a chant too!

Flowerpower41 · 18/12/2015 06:17

I don't call those with partners real friends as to my mind although it isn't their fault they don't understand as they aren't in the same position. So I only ever regard them as acquiantances. Consequently I only have a few real friends but that is the way I prefer it.

Elfieselfie · 18/12/2015 09:28

I certainly see my single mum friends much more and go on holiday with them, which is better for us and better for the kids. But I have friends ive had for 30 years, from high school, friends from uni, plus friends from work etc and I have started to let those friendships slide as they just don't get it.

I am also sick and tired of the same few friends always wanting to come to my house to catch up 'as its easier' rather than inviting me to theirs. Their husband gets a bit of peace etc. It's not easier for me, as im sick of being in my house and im sick of the relentless cooking and clearing up after kids!! Plus im paying for the food.

I find it with the school mums too, it's always me who has the kids around or takes them out. I even take school friends on holiday with us. No one makes an effort to invite mine. They don't even reciprocate as 'Elfie loves kids, she's happy to have them'. Couple of them royally taking the piss now too as on play dates at my house they are even asking me to pick up their kids and take them home. As if I haven't got enough to do!!

Sorry for the moan- I am re-evaluating friendships over the next few weeks.

Original poster
Solo · 19/12/2015 17:46

Strangely enough, I don't have any single mum friends...

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EternalSunshine820 · 19/12/2015 22:57

Hi Solo thanks for asking and sorry it took me a while to reply. Honestly, I'm probably not completely ok, I have really high anxiety levels, feel crazy half the time and often can't tell whether what I've written sounds dumb or not.

Flowerpower maybe that is the best way to approach it from the start. I'm spending a whole day tomorrow with married mums and their DC.. yay.. Elfie where did you meet your single mum friends?

Original poster
Solo · 20/12/2015 03:14

Sending ((hugs)) to you ES Thanks

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Elfieselfie · 20/12/2015 11:44

Hello, another one here who has anxiety and feels crazy half the time. You are not alone Eternal.

I met them at work a few years apart. Gradually they've become good friends too hence we've started holidaying together. It really does help as they just get it. Helps the kids too as the other kids talk about sleeping or spending time with their dads so it's more 'normal' to them.

Sorry if that's made anyone feel worse.

EternalSunshine820 · 20/12/2015 12:29

No that helps Elfie, I'm out of work and didn't meet any LPs when in work, but it gives hope to know there are some out there and they might want to make friends.

I'm just back from spending the morning with some married mums and in tears tbh because I feel like I was treated really rudely but again due to struggling with perspective, I doubt myself and am apt to blame myself, thinking maybe my own behaviour seems 'wrong' to the rest of the world. I'm supposed to be sharing a celebration with them for our DC but it's not an enjoyable experience, in fact it's quite humiliating and I wish I had never gone down this road. Whatever happens this afternoon I feel I just want to detach and spend way less time with them as I can't come away feeling like sh*t this often. I try not to let DD see me cry but today she's coming up to give me toys and console me, that's not what I want.

WillIEverBeASizeTen · 21/12/2015 06:05

Hi everyone... Can I join in please?

In a way I feel a fraud on the LP thread, purely because my youngest will be 18 next month! However, I am and have been a LP for 10 years, so I have experienced (and still am) all the things you talk about.

I have always worked (as exh was useless and a drug using spendthrift) and have always had the burden of everything even when we were together. I was very very close to my DM who was probably my 'partner' IYSWIM because I was always alone. Sadly I lost her 3 years ago, so severely grieving on top of the menopause and parenting a teen! It has probably been the hardest time for me.

My eldest (DD) was a breeze, my DS is a typical teen, and I have to say the most difficult time as a LP. His Dad has been no support at all. My DM being around would have made all the difference. I too, have few single Mum friends. I have had 2 'relationships' (still in the second one) but have always lived separately and had no help or support financially/morally, they just don't/didn't get it either. My current relationship I'm not happy in either so need to sort that in the new year..that's a different thread.

But I DO get all the stuff you talk about. When my kids were young, my PC became my best friend, the link to the outside world when the kids were in bed. In those days there were chat rooms, where I could escape from my dull existence. Nowadays it's MN, kindred spirits who DO get it ( well on the LP thread anyway). A lady I used to work with, whose husband was away with work once said to me "Willi..how DO you manage on your own? 'Mike' is only away temporarily and I struggle" she was very sincere and did get it, albeit briefly.

Yes I do have 'time' to myself now but I still have all the other burdens solely, and I despise my ex now for not giving me support when I was so desperately in need of it. And by the way, I've never had a penny from him either..I've done that alone too..OMG I sound really self pitying now, I'm just stating fact though.

I'm not looking forward to Christmas in the least. Seeing all the 2.4 family adverts and hearing all the 2.4 families around me just compounds the loneliness of my situation. So I'm trying hard with my mantra of 'comparison is the thief of joy' sometimes it works but it struggles at this time of year...

Sorry for any or all of the above..just feeling very very sorry for myself right now:(

megletthesecond · 21/12/2015 11:21

I think I've permanently damaged my voice by all the shouting over the years Hmm. I often have a sore throat after a bad weekend and Google tells me you can scar your throat nodule thingies. Mind you, the dc's often don't even look in my direction if I have to shout so I'm really wasting my time.

Flowerpower41 · 21/12/2015 14:50

I wouldn't be seen dead out in a whole group of married women no disrespect to them but I wouldn't enjoy it in the least as their life is different - and I wouldn't argue necessarily any better - as I don't have a man to put up with.

Quite happy on my own in fact. I really enjoy my own company and making my own decisions.

Flowerpower41 · 21/12/2015 15:25

I doubt I could put up with a bloke again they have such loud voices lol.

megletthesecond · 21/12/2015 20:08

williever yes, the times another person realises how gruelling it can be is almost a relief. It makes me feel like I'm not imagining how hard it is.

I've not wrapped a single present yet

Original poster
Solo · 22/12/2015 00:34

Hi all :) and welcome WillI

I will post again over the next day or two, but I'm very tired and up early, so will have to sleep now.

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WillIEverBeASizeTen · 22/12/2015 06:26

Hi Solo
Apologies for all the above whinging. This time of year compounds the downside of single parenting, for me anyway.

I haven't wrapped any presents either meglet, everything is an effort, and I don't even have little ones!

And I have very few Christmas cards, I must be so insignificant :(

EternalSunshine820 · 22/12/2015 20:15

Haven't wrapped any presents either.. sitting down to do it now feeling knackered, treating myself to a very large glass of Baileys cup of tea and chocolate cakey thing, re-watching The Good Wife on netflix in the background.. here goes..

Original poster
Solo · 23/12/2015 00:17

Don't apologise! It's allowed on here! Hell, it's compulsory! Grin

I haven't wrapped anything either! I keep saying 'tomorrow' but it's getting to the part where there's no tomorrow to do it!

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megletthesecond · 24/12/2015 21:08

Checking in quickly. It's just me and the dc's over Xmas do I I'll be on mn a fair bit once they start to drive me mad.

Original poster
Solo · 25/12/2015 03:50

Merry Christmas everyone!

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EternalSunshine820 · 25/12/2015 07:31

Merry Christmas everyone :)

megletthesecond · 25/12/2015 07:45

Morning all Star. I am relieved to report that the dc's paid attention to the note on my door asking them to not wake me before 7 am (both can tell the time and read now). They did come charging in at one second past 7 to show me their stocking presents but still a civilised start to xmas day.