Fed up with not having anyone to share the burdens with.

[Solo]

Bit of a self pitying thread really, but it's taken me a very long time and I can now say with conviction that after being on my own for so long...

I am fed up with the burden of being alone.
I am fed up with struggling on my own.
I am sometimes lonely.
I have no single parent friends or single friends at all and my 'social life' ha! what a joke is visiting my widowed Mum or visiting my Brother.
I miss my Dad terribly.
I can't get a job.
Not one 'friend' has spoken to me so far this summer holiday (except one that lives on cloud fluffyland in her mansion and that really cheers me up because shopping is her passtime!).

I could write a very long list of problems and yes, I know we all have problems, but I just don't want to do it on my own any longer, I don't want to face the problems on my own :( I could cry right now and need a real 'man hug' and I don't care who knows it!

Pleased you enjoy the allotment meglet - perhaps it feels therapeutic for you. :)

How is it my weeds still grow in winter?!

Oh my God. I have just said something awful to Dd...

I have got 17yo Ds and 8yo Dd and 2 bedrooms...I have had Dd in with me for a long time now (years) as I didn't feel it was right to have them share any longer. But now I need and want my own space and am getting more and more irritated with my entire situation. I want to split my bedroom into two small ones for the Dc's, but feel I don't actually have the get up and go, energy, long enough arms or exact know how to do it by myself. I said to Ds that he will have to help me get sorted as I need my own room again. Dd said "well technically it's your fault as you took down our beds" whilst this is in fact true, I didn't see the point in having a toddler bed up and in the way and not being used, so I sold it. Anyway, in answer to Dd's cutting remark I said "perhaps you should ask your father whose fault it technically is..." I feel a bit guilty.

Just to plead my case for insanity her father owns 3 houses and a total of 9 bedrooms. I am bloody mad with my lot!

I know it wouldn't be ideal Solo but would it be simpler for you and dd to just have bunk beds between you?

That way you don't have to stress about dividing the room and all those horrible complications ....

Perhaps one fine day ds will move out thereby freeing up a room for dd - in theory!

If you look on freecycle and places like that you may even find a freebie ....

Your ex sounds horrid and should be hung drawn and quartered .....

Good luck with it Solo do let us know how it goes.

solo I'd have said the same thing to one of my dc's. There's only so much grumping a parent can taken without snapping back.

take

The beds aren't the problem tbh. I can afford to buy the kids new beds, I just don't have the ability to split the room right now or sort out the pit that my house has become!

Meglet I know. None of us are perfect, but I don't usually bring either of the Dc's fathers into the equation.

And I found another flaming head louse in my hair tonight! Dd seems clear now so I don't know where this one has come from. I thought I had been clear for a while :( my friend is still battling too. It's been about 6 weeks!!!!!!!!!!

You know you're a lp when a day off sick is a luxury. Dc's are at school and I'm at home poorly in pj's. I can't hear a single scream, holler or bash . And I've already sorted thought the pile of old weekend papers that were taking over my bedroom floor.

Bloody nits solo . Somehow we've missed them so far, I dread to think how I'd do my own wavy hair.

Same issue here with 2 bedrooms, older ds, dd is 6 and in with me. I can't do it anymore .

I am thinking of dividing my room like you are Solo, but this involves kerfuffle with light fittings, radiators, stud walls, just a list of overwhelming things that involve getting a man in.

Ikea do a room divider! A sort of vertical blind that attaches to the ceiling and can be as long as need, even curved I think. Not a bad idea?

Sounds ideal lordStrange - Ikea are dead cool like that always innovative.

I once remember many moons ago 'popping in' to Ikea for one lamp and ended up buying 5 lol.

Meglet I hope you are ok

I have curly but fine hair and much less of it since the blasted combing!! and Dd has very curly and slightly courser hair and it's not easy to comb through. Oil makes it easier or conditioner. Absolute nightmare! I need to colour my hair and the combing has somehow brought me out in a spotty scalp, so I can't use a dye right now. Also need a cut as I'm way over due as I didn't want to go with any possibility of lice or before I have coloured it! grrrrrrr!!!

Lordstrange I have looked at various ways of splitting the room too and yes I looked at those screens, but I need a solid wall as my two will just wind one another up too much and someone will get hurt! A stud wall is quite a cheap thing to do and we don't use upstairs radiators, so won't need to add one really although I might ...will need more sockets and lighting, but I still need to do the whole house electrical rewiring, so will have that done anyway.

How's Flower today? :) and everyone else.

I need to get ready for work...could do with a day or two off with no kids around!!

Hi Solo I am doing ok am seeing a homoeopath at the moment there are so many things wrong with me lol some days am drained of all vitality and other days I feel I am turning the corner - he told me it would take me 3 months to treat!

I used to visit homoeopaths all the time thenI got sceptical, but now I rather wish I had kept going as health is so paramount isn't it. Besides I have been endlessly self-treating in Holland & Barrett and it nearly costs the same amount by the time I add it all up ....

He told me I had a calcium deficiency which explains my sore feet it was such a breakthrough to learn so I bought supplements and slowly they are improving .....

flower I also throw silly money at keeping myself healthy . Had some physio and sports massage earlier this year (lower back and hips tighten up something rotten). Gym membership is frozen for life and cheap but I'm always topping up with vits, naice ready meals and salads and gym kit. I've got to keep myself well so I can keep working. What I really want is therapy but the lady I really like is £45 a session, way too much for me.

We've been busy all weekend and I'm about to mention the word "homework".I'm not going to be popular!

I may be wrong meglet but I don't see the point in getting counselling/therapy as a single parent as the issues are generally lifestyle related and not anything that is going to change in a hurry. At the end of the day nothing will change we just have to get on with it and every successive year things get a little easier subject to money and health of course which can totally overshadow any context.

The crux of single parenting is finding fellow single parents we get on with, getting some hard earned me time and allowing a little bit of money for treats for ourselves e.g. something new to wear or a cd etc. fairly regularly, but then it does depend on the evil four letter word cash!

Right, straw poll (a gentle lp aibu) because I don't know what to do. Even if you don't reply for a week or so it's ok, just another opinion would be good.

This was yesterday. 9yo DS has had a big lego set (recent birthday) confiscated for a) pulling it all out late after school and making a mess when I said he could have all weekend to build it, b) not packing it away when I asked (it was getting late) and then tearing open another bag to build, and c) for then screaming, tantrumming, hitting and kicking me when I removed the lego because he refused to tidy and go to bed.

I said he couldn't have it back tonight because he was so badly behaved yesterday and he kicked off again. And called grandma who bought it for him and thinks I should back down. I want him to realise that hitting and kicking me is really bad behaviour and he has to wait until next week for the lego. He did already get 2 other lego sets by the way which he's already built. The boy isn't deprived .

I think you are right meglet if he doesn't have a consequence for his actions, it'll just continue to do these things and you'll be an easy touch - surely? I have often backed down, not followed through with my threats etc and it is just asking for the trouble to carry on.
A couple of months ago, I banned Dd from her Kindle Fire. I told her she could have it back when I said she could, but after at least 2 weeks. I can't even recall what she did now, but I do think her behaviour is worse when she's screen bound. She's now reading and playing with Barbie dolls and it's lovely to see. She also does her homework without so many sulky arguments.

You have to stand by the punishments you dole out otherwise he won't learn.

Disclaimer: I am not an expert in child psychology and I am certainly not the best Mother in the world.

Thanks solo . My family have form for criticising (sp?!) my parenting so I never know what to do.

I've banned hudls and forgotten why too .

Did you make any decision on your bedroom / splitting it?

Poor DS was just about to go outside with his new Nerf gun to start a battle with his mates but I stepped in and said that this weekend isn't the time for guns and had to gently explain why . He was ok about it thankfully and he's still allowed to play targets indoors, just no guns on the green outside. I'll be be in trouble with grandma for that one too I expect!

Still in my onesie here. I should tidy up while the dc's are glued to minecraft.

Meglet I would hate all the comments if I had a critical family like that. Perhaps I am lucky to not have any family members after all! At least I don't get commented on.

Leaving me free to do what the heck I please, yeh!

Hope everybody has had a good week. I had a rather long time of the month but it has finally gone phew. Which is cheery as it is my birthday today but I celebrated it already by buying a Nutri Ninja last week long awaited as hadn't been able to afford a new juicer for 3 years...! Hope everyone is well. :)

Happy Birthday flower .

What have you been blending up? Do you do kale / Chia seeds etc ?

I was just snuggled up for bed and remembered I'd left virtually dry washing on then line so had to go out and get it. It's freezing out there!

Hope you had a lovely birthday Flower :)
Very very cold tonight meglet brrrrrrrr!!

Thank you ladies yes lovely birthday really I did not go out as such but I had already bought myself the Nutri Ninja a dress from Dorothy P and had a massage so can't complain! I rarely splash out that much on myself all at once like that! Not used seeds in it meglet that sounds interesting - chia ones no not tried those - yes have used kale but not in this one so far the green has been broccoli stem. I had some old sprouts but reasoned those would taste utterly foul if blended up! Will try to do the Nutri daily as working from home I do get a little time and it keeps the bugs at bay and gives more energy and keeps my brain more ALERT which isn't easy at times!

Hope everyone has a nice weekend.

Chia seeds don't taste of anything. They're just tiddly bits of protein. I've been known to add them to the dc's mashed potato.

I've just depressed myself by idly googling what age is generally considered ok to leave a child home alone. Nspcc and all the official websites pretty much say anything under 12 is on dodgy ground . I've got another 5yrs of this unless I get sectioned which is a distinct possibility. On the plus side I'm just over halfway through it (dd is 7) .