Fed up with not having anyone to share the burdens with.

[Solo]

Bit of a self pitying thread really, but it's taken me a very long time and I can now say with conviction that after being on my own for so long...

I am fed up with the burden of being alone.
I am fed up with struggling on my own.
I am sometimes lonely.
I have no single parent friends or single friends at all and my 'social life' ha! what a joke is visiting my widowed Mum or visiting my Brother.
I miss my Dad terribly.
I can't get a job.
Not one 'friend' has spoken to me so far this summer holiday (except one that lives on cloud fluffyland in her mansion and that really cheers me up because shopping is her passtime!).

I could write a very long list of problems and yes, I know we all have problems, but I just don't want to do it on my own any longer, I don't want to face the problems on my own :( I could cry right now and need a real 'man hug' and I don't care who knows it!

[Solo]

He want s (ed) to be a teacher.

[antimatter]

that is very high requirement for FE - 2 B's including maths and english!!!

that is more like for 6th form requirement!

I think it's worth going ant talking with each college individually
if your ds has mostly C's he didn't do that bad at all!

[Solo]

More D's than C's unfortunately.
I think it was 1xB, 3xC, 4xD and an F (which he expected to be fair).

[Solo]

Oh and he has a B in ICT from year 9.

[antimatter]

to be a teacher nowadays he needs a degree
there are many ways to get degree - he may take different route from others
he may get there via less traditional route
most important is that he carries on with education or even Apprenticeship

I even found Teaching Assistant Apprentice vacancy locally
croydon.ac.uk/en/apprenticeships/current-vacancies.cfm

[Solo]

Wow! a TA Apprenticeship! who would have thought it!!

[antimatter]

those are all passes
boys are later developers - I would just tell him that he just can't give up
he has to stay positive and study
if he can get into reading and maybe even some volunteering that would expand his horizons
he may want to work with young people in other capacity than a teacher (maybe that's why he wanted to study sociology and psychology?)

Have look at other threads in www.mumsnet.com/Talk/secondary

such this:

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/secondary/2164258-Unexpectedly-low-grades-lost-for-options

it may give you some more ideas and people are discussing other options there as well

[antimatter]

Have look here:
apprenticeshipvacancymatchingservice.lsc.gov.uk/Navms/Forms/Candidate/Apprenticeships.aspx

show hi moptions

I think he feels down because he doesn't realise there's life outside of 6th form

there were more vacancies couple of months ago there

[Solo]

Thank you :) I will look there too.

Yes, Ds also only turned 16 this month, so he is in some respects late in age anyway I suppose compared with some. He wants to teach Economics and was hoping to also have Psychology and Chemistry in his cache too. I truly hope he can still do it.

[antimatter]

He will get there if he wants to!

Hard to see it happening now but he just has to hang on there!
(and you with him)

[Solo]

:) we will I'm sure. Thanks for your help here.

[antimatter]

you welcome!
off to bed now

[AcrossthePond55]

I just want to say that being a single parent is damned hard! The only positive thing about it is that you are the final authority, no arguing with a partner about parenting decisions.

I was only a single parent for a few years but I remember the sadness of seeing the happy families and wondering if I'd ever find my happily ever after. I did but kissed a lot of frogs along the way.

As far as meeting someone, I met my DH through friends. He was someone whom I would have considered 'not my type' but my BFF made me reconsider and she was right. There's nothing wrong with a good old fashioned 'fix up'. Also consider taking a class or volunteer work (if childcare can be arranged). It's so easy to get stuck inside in a rut because life is so hectic. Try and get out, even if only to a local play or concert. Try to think of it as meeting people, some of whom will happen to be men.

[Solo]

Likewise! thank you for your time; I hope I haven't kept you up when you'd normally be asleep!

[Solo]

Across yes! you have it right there! I watch all those couples and families with their smiles and hand holding and I feel sad that I don't have that.

[Solo]

I would be happier meeting someone through friends, but they have never volunteered anyone...makes me wonder if it's me, but I suspect that they just don't think beyond their own family unit...or maybe they'd feel responsible if the outcome was not good ~ or worse still bad

[MexicanSpringtime]

It breaks one's heart when these things happen to our children.

But the most important thing your son can learn, OP, is to get over failure. The most successful people I know have suffered failure time and again and picked themselves and kept on trying. My friend's daughter even failed entrance exams for primary school, then couldn't get into the high school she wanted because she didn't have the grades, did the exams for university entrance six times, but now has a Master's Degree, three children's books published and is going for her doctorate.

[Solo]

I'm sure he will do Mexican, it's just the uncertainty that today (yesterday) has brought him/us.

[Misfitless]

Hi Solo and everyone else on here.

I hope you manage to find a course for your DS. I'm sure that he can still achieve his ambition to become a teacher, he just needs to speak to someone who can give him the right advice and make him realise that it's still very much achievable.

It does seem that there's no one point of contact where DCs can go for advice, and I think it can all seem a bit overwhelming, but if he visits or phones local FE colleges, he should be able to tap into some good advice.

It is tough being a single parent, and it can be so isolating. I was on my own for 6 years up until my eldest DC was 6. In some ways I think it's easier when they're small, as they're are more opportunities to meet other people and make new friends (toddler groups, for example.)

Might it be worth posting on mn local to try and meet up with other single parents, perhaps? I wouldn't rule it out, and you won't be the only person out there feeling how you're feeling.

I suppose if you're in a city, there'll be more traffic on there. I occasionally go on my local mn site only to find that no one has posted anything for months, so it's not especially active in my area, but it might be worth a try.

[AcrossthePond55]

Solo, don't be afraid to tell your friends you're available if they know of any single, suitable men. It's true that many couples don't see outside the 'couple bubble', you may have to nudge them & tell them 'no harm, no foul' and that you're just looking for 'male company'. I was lucky in that BFF was an inveterate match-maker (with my best interests at heart).

I seriously doubt if it's you, love. It's just that you are in your 'boring routine' at home and feeling down about your life. You just have to take the bull by the balls horns and be unafraid to make a change.

I wish you all the best life has to offer. And it has a lot to offer you!

[solosolong]

Hi solo, just wanted to say I know exactly how you feel - so many times when I have thought, do I bloody have to learn to do that too?! There's just so many things you are expected to be good at as a parent, and when you have to do it all on your own it's tough. House repairs and dealing with bikes are the things I hate. It is understandable that you're feeling down if you are worried about your DS and disappointed for him. It's a big milestone. I bet your friends don't know how you are feeling though. Try contacting one of them and you could find that things start to feel more positive.

[Solo]

Thank you all for your kind words. You don't know how much I appreciate them and you.

I think Ds is sorted. Not the best school in the world, but if he works hard and puts his studies before anything else, I think he will do it!

I am Ok. I'm a bit tearful, but I'll get over it I guess as I usually do somehow, though I must admit; I have not felt like this before.

[antimatter]

Well done for getting over that hurdle!
It must be big relieve to you.
I am an owl and last night also had funny stomach and enjoyed talking to you.

[rainbowfeet]

Solo...

I really understand where you are coming from with this post..

I'm a lone parent too dc's 11 & 2.5.. Eldest does spend time with her dad, youngest different dad & he doesn't want to see ds.. So I get no break whatsoever... It's tough & it's lonely.

I have no family close by & although yes I have a few girlfriends they are all married with families so social activities are rarer than hens teeth. I'm not against dating but can't find anyone that I'd like to date or he'd like to date me.

Money is a constant worry, I'm generally miserable which makes me a crap mum & my only comfort right now seems to be food which makes me more miserable because I want to lose weight!!

Life is pretty crap.. Can only hope it gets better for both of us & anyone else who feels down right now xx

[Misfitless]

Ooh rainbowfeet, you don't fancy a mn friend to lose weight with, by any chance do you?

I have a really unhealthy relationship with food. Just come in and raided the cupboard...again!

Sorry to hijack Solo's thread .

Solo, that's good news about your DS, I hope he buckles down. My DD really needs to pull her socks up this year, and put a lot more effort into studying. Thankfully, though, her AS results spoke for themselves, and she's sort of realised it without me having to mention, I hope think.