Fed up with not having anyone to share the burdens with.

[Solo]

Bit of a self pitying thread really, but it's taken me a very long time and I can now say with conviction that after being on my own for so long...

I am fed up with the burden of being alone.
I am fed up with struggling on my own.
I am sometimes lonely.
I have no single parent friends or single friends at all and my 'social life' ha! what a joke is visiting my widowed Mum or visiting my Brother.
I miss my Dad terribly.
I can't get a job.
Not one 'friend' has spoken to me so far this summer holiday (except one that lives on cloud fluffyland in her mansion and that really cheers me up because shopping is her passtime!).

I could write a very long list of problems and yes, I know we all have problems, but I just don't want to do it on my own any longer, I don't want to face the problems on my own :( I could cry right now and need a real 'man hug' and I don't care who knows it!

Can I join you all?

This looks like my kind of place!

The more the merrier afresh .

All grumbles, problems and successes are listened to, potentially solved and congratulated.

My dc's are currently watching Strictly and playing a hitting game while I eat choc pud.

Meglet I think the NSPCC can only be a guideline. I know when I used to live in London people often leave their children from the age of 8 if they act responsible whilst they e.g. go to Tescos or something sensible i.e. NOT down the pub!

I have been leaving my boy since he was 8 about once a month only in the daytime for an hour or tops 90 mins. I live in the centre of the UK now.

Maybe they are thinking in terms of an evening out?

As for an evening out I would consider a small evening out by the time ds is 13, so as he is 11 in March two more years ..... Back home by 930/10 pm latest.

I am going out Monday week in the evening for 4 hours which is unusual to listen to a spiritual talk on world peace and have booked sitters.co.uk. It is costing me £6.90 an hour. I haven't booked them before as it is hard to rustle up the readies.

A bit of a prison sentence isn't it!

flower one of ds's friends stays at home for 15 mins or so when his mum drops his sibling off to activities.

It's silly that from 9/10 kids can go to the park and walk to school alone (traffic permitting) but home alone is much trickier.

Surely the NSPCC is referring to families who go off to work and hardly ever drop off their children to school nor have any arrangements in place if they are off sick etc. i.e. families keep going in to their jobs including evenings if a rota job etc. Or if the family/main carer has e.g. a night shift job and the family are left alone repeatedly - then I think they may refer to those as the police may find those in times of trouble with a long history of the parent/s being elsewhere and children having been neglected.

Going by what you hear about through the medium of films etc.

Saying hello and hi to December already! :)

I've decided I don't feel Christmassy if it doesn't snow . I'm getting organised but haven't got that vibe yet.

Hi ladies. For Xmas ds is just getting £60 and a chocolate stocking. This is because I bought him his ps3 last month plus Fifa16 for an early Xmas so he can't expect much else ....! So don't have to fork out much more :)

For me I am going to buy myself a nice £20 perfume from Asda.

Has anybody tried their amazing range for a fiver? It is called NSPA and they have four different perfumes. I bought the Orient one it is lovely and incredible value!

I don't like Christmas or New Year! And I've disliked it (Christmas) even more since Dad passed away 6+ years ago...haven't put a card or tree up since which kind of makes me feel bad for my Dc's, especially Dd who will be 9 on Boxing Day. I think I will have to do better for Christmas 2016, but I definitely can't do it this year.

I don't wear perfume often and I do have quite a few if or when I do, so I doubt I'd buy any more Flower. They do sound good value though :)

I don't bother with the decorations or tree since ds is over 8 and now knows Santa is pure fiction! But I do bother with the rest i.e. presents cards and grub. And booze (for me and any adults lol).

I just hate all that decorating mess laying around the house bah humbug ....!

Apart from that the Xmas festive week is a nice break from school run and the ratrace of work work work. :)

Hi, can I jump in and join you? I haven't read the whole thread but will have a slim through. I posted on this board a few weeks back, kept meaning to come back to it but life got in the way!!

I am 3 years separated now. Have 2 children aged 8 & 5. Exh sees them eow for 1 day/night. So I get one night off out of 14. I'm exhausted. Work full time in a school so feel as if I never get any time to myself. I have dabbled in online dating but it's a minefield. Feel like I don't have the emotional energy to do it, but worried the alternative is a lifetime being single.... Am I the only one with no life? I have friends but they are all in couples and I seem to have become a social pariah since my h left 3years ago. How does everyone cope with it all?!!

Joining in too.. as no RL folks as such to share this stuff with, without boring/alienating them.

change I don't think you're alone.

I've been in and out of work since DD was born nearly 2 years ago. In work there was at least some adult conversation, but as with all workplaces I had to be carefully what I shared and it brought its own stresses. Out of work it's a different story - more time to potentially meet people but it still seems really hard to connect with anyone, including at mums/playgroups etc. Not sure where all the lone parents hang out tbh, but the married, middle class mums around me really don't get it at all.

I've not had a night out in 2 years now, noone has come to my place, I've had 1) a night working late 2) a night at a family birthday party with DD 3) a night at the bonfire with DD. That's the sum total of me going out of the house after tea time in 2 years. I get invited to a few things like meals, but find it hard to justify £25 on a babysitter, plus the meal plus maybe a taxi too - when that's £50 I could spend on DD. I'd feel the same way about an evening date situation but not sure how else you meet (hard to go for coffee during the day with DD in tow too).

The other mums don't understand when I try to explain that, or anything to do with the constraints of being a LP, or don't want to which makes me feel so alone.

It has taken a toll on my emotional/mental health spending so much time with my own thoughts, it's not healthy and the worse that gets, I think the harder it is to generate the positivity and strength you need for life - work, relationships, anything. But I know it's essential to do just that, for me and for DD.

I'm focusing on getting a job

And toying with the idea of Match.com but wary and sceptical.

Considering sperm donation abroad to have another LO.

Welcome both :) I need to sleep, but wanted to say hello and welcome first! We are a bit slow on here at times, but we do pop on and off and most importantly? we do understand! See you both soon.

Hi eternal, I wonder constantly where all the single parents are! If the divorce statistic is true and 1in 3 marriage end in divorce then surely I shouldn't be so lonely and yet I do not know any single mums near to me at all. I feel overwhelmed with it all sometimes and would love to share some of the ups & downs with people in a similar situation. I find it all so hard. I'm mid-40's and have no end in sight for at least another 5 years perhaps. By which time I will be 50!! Just feel as if life is merrily passing me by!!

Does your dd see her dad? I do at least get one day off every two weeks so even though I complain, it is better than nothing. The unfairness of the whole situation just gets to me at times. We decided jointly to have a family, then suddenly my exh decides family life is not for him and ups & leaves. He just goes and creates himself a new shiny life with no ties, free to come & go as he pleases. Lucky him. Although I have the children and I never in a million years would swap them, I do wish I was able to have a bit more of a life myself.

I used a donor clinic in Spain for eggs. If I can give you any information, just let me know. It was a while ago but I do still remember some of the details!!

What sort of job are you looking for? I retrained after my h left and did an OU course to get a ta qualification. I then got a job in school so I don't have any problems covering school holidays etc with the children. Money is awful though and I only survive financially because my ex pays me good maintenance!

Poorly person here, my sinuses are trying to kill me off . But the dc's are still asleep so for me it's all good.

Sitting here in bed realising I should have bought xmas cards to write this weekend and get them out the way. And I forgot and there's no way we're going to the shops today.

Hi meglet and hope you are feeling better today .I suffer with horrible sinus headaches that can debilitate me for days. Not good when you have 2 little ones to care for. You have my sympathies. I find a drug mixture of decongestants, ibuprofen and paracetamol numbs the pain enough to get through the day. I take them altogether and hope for the best

The dc & I are having a much needed pj day today. We are playing board games and watching Xmas films with no intention of getting dressed or going anywhere! It's rare we do it but some downtime is definitely needed in our house at the moment!

Downtime is essential change. I struggle without being able to go out for a run but I think pj days once a month do keep us healthier.

I'm less snotty today. Yesterday's rest definitely helped.

I agree with you meglet a pj day does everybody great wonders. Both adults and children combined.

Xmas pressure is kicking in, work has gone nuts and I've still got presents to buy. And the door has broken on my tumble dryer, FFS. Managed to get it to open / shut by tying string around the broken handle but I must get the repairman out to put a new one on this side of xmas.

Meglet I have a chair in front of my tumble drier door when in use but pleased the string works for now. Wrong time of year eh!

Do you get secretly annoyed by married mums suggesting they have it the same or similar to you because their OH works away or is out all the time?

If the mum's OH earns a huge salary (because they have a high flying job where they travel), and they still have them around half the time, and there is a second person just as emotionally invested in and happy about the DC as them, and they get to have an adult conversation that is not about poo say, once a month, if they can consider going part-time for a while because they just can't bear to be away from DC and have the choice, if they have had a non-work day or night out anywhere without DC in the last few years.. that's not the same as me.

I'm not a victim or throwing a pity party, but glare inwardly when they suggest my life is no harder than theirs. Can they not see the difference?

I agree ES I have had friends in the past that have been 'left on their own' with 2 Dc's when the OH had to go away for 4 whole nights to work away and they suddenly knew exactly how it was to be a single parent. I can't tell you how angry it made me feel.

None of my friends ever bother asking how I'm coping etc. It's as if because I'm surviving (read that as because I don't make a fuss and bother about my crap lone parent life, I must be fine!

yes eternal. It boils my piss . Luckily the ones who know me wouldn't dream of it, I do know a few princesses who have high earning dh's who seem to think their hard done by doing 2 bedtimes on their own. I've done almost all of mine for 7 yrs.

they're (too annoyed to type accurately).