What's good is being promoted, how about what's absolutely shit?

[fatedtopretend]

There are loads of threads saying "it's hard being a single parent, but it's sooooo worth it" etc.
I want one that is blunt and honest and pissed off when it needs to be.

I'll start.

Tonight I want to be dressed up with my best "fuck me" outfit on. I want bottles of corona and tequila shots and mad, sweaty, horrible sex when we get in. Instead I am watching house alone. Nothing wrong with house but I just feel sad.

[BreakOutTheKaraoke]

I know you're moving on a bit in conersation, but I'm going to list my hates anyway:

I hate I'm not first in anyones mind.
I hate that because I manage, and manage well, no-one thinks to ask if I'm OK or need any help
I hate that all my childcare favours are tied up with work (shifts) so I can't really call in a favour just to go get pissed on a bank holiday
I hate that if I meet a guy, I have DD at home so I can't just take him home for random stranger sex
I hate that work ask me to come in for a meeting at a random time, then seem pissed off that actually, that's school run time, on my day off, so I have no childcare, so I can't come in
I hate that ex assumes I'm sitting pining for him, because I don't have the time or money to go out or meet someone, because he doesn't see his daughter or pay towards her upbringing
I hate that friends arrange gatherings, but I don't get invited as I'm not part of a couple

I'm not in a good place with being single at the minute, as you can tell! It's been too many years since I had a boyfriend.

[susiedaisy]

Breakout I can relate to everything you just posted.
I've just had a few tears and a bit of a pity party as yet another weekend has been spent on my own trying to keep up with running the home and keeping the kids happy. All I seemed to see and hear at the moment is couples and families having holidays BBQ 's. Meals out, trips to the beach.... Must stay off of face fucking book as it's just full of happy family couples stuff

Sorry to sound miserable.

[Bigbird01]

Oh yes, BreakOut - I totally agree!!

When I first left my ex I had people checking I was ok all the time - now I hardly hear from them. I'm pretty sure they just assume I fine because I cope.

[BreakOutTheKaraoke]

We've been going through some big family stuff recently, and I've been trying to make sure everyones OK, trying to help and offer an ear and other help. Then I looked through my messages and could nly find one or two conversations, out of all my friends and family, where I wasn't the first person to text them. Made me feel very alone.

Also having a pity party here. Mine involves crumpets, chocolate cake and squirty cream.

[Minime85]

when u need a hug and dcs are asleep and you're alone. but u want that hug from someone who knows why u feel the way u do and wants to make u feel better.

accident with juice tonight over computer. very likely had it. can't afford a new one. loads and loads of baby pics, holidays, birthday pics etc on there. feeling low.

[Bigbird01]

Oh no, mini!! Sending big FB-stylee ((hugs))!!

[Lioninthesun]

Sorry to hear that Minime - you'd be surprised at what computer techies can get from a hard drive. If you know someone or can save it, do, until you have £ to get someone to copy the files onto a hard drive for you? Or you could try the age old technique of putting the whole thing in rice to dry out?! Works for phones...?

[nefnaf]

I am listening to my nearly 2yo scream yet again, all through the night. It's a tantrum because he wants to get up. Nothing is wrong. He does this 5 nights out of 7 at the moment, and nothing I do settles him.

He is up at 5am, despite the nightly bullshit. Often giving up and going to sleep around 7am - just in time for my 3yo to get up for the day.

Today I fell asleep at the wheel and nearly killed myself on a main A road coming back from work, which I can't take time off from as I'm self employed, by the grace of god I didn't actually crash.

I want to scream at him for screaming. There is no-one to help. No-one to call. No-one who I can ask for support from. I am SO GODDAMN ANGRY about the lack of sleep right now I can't even try and comfort him, because I am too sleep deprived to begin to cope with the unbelievable stress of the whole thing.

Where do you even start to improve this situation when you are on your own?

I can't even be bothered to write about how miserable it is that my entire waking hours revolve around work and cleaning, and that none of it is ever done. My bills aren't paid because I simply don't have the brain power left over to deal with it. I feel like I'm fucking drowning and no-one would even notice.

[Minime85]

oh nefnaf you sound so fed up. can u go to your gp or are their friends u could call to give u an hour off or something? my youngest went through some god awful phases over sleep. I promise it does get better.

[Lioninthesun]

nefnaf sounds like we had a similar night . DD keeps waking at 1ish apparently wanting a wee but then it morphs into milk and then my bed. She wailed for ages last night and I ended up giving in. It's become a pattern and I'm almost tempted to put her back into nappies at night.
I found myself explaining to her that I need sleep. All I do is listen to her whine all day while I try to play with her and keep her entertained and watch her mess the house up, then I take her to nursery to play with her friends and she screams because she doesn't want me to leave, so I feel guilty, come home clean/hoover/tidy/change sheets etc, pick her up and watch her systematically go through each room and mess it all up again, all the while whining that she "doesn't want this, I WANT THAT!". That is my life. I find it hard focusing on much at the moment, so am in awe of you running your own company!

Sleep deprivation is the hardest part IME. You can deal with anything if you have had 5/6hours. Anything less and you loose the will. Can you snatch an hour nap anywhere, even if mid day? You do really need a break (as if you didn't know!). Is it possible to pay a babysitter for 3 hours or something just so you can catch up?

[nefnaf]

morning all. Thank you for your kind replies Lion and Mini, I'm feeling ok today. I have taken the boys to the childminder (an hour late, but we got there) and am now too late to work, so by default I'm taking a day off. I would love to crawl back into bed but I know that won't actually help as much as cleaning the kitchen, changing all the sheets, finding my info for tax credits (who want a YEARS worth of childcare receipts from me for some reason) and paying my water bill... all the sanity stealers that have been making me too anxious to sleep, even when my DC do!

I feel so crap for being horrible to my DS2 last night. I tried everything. Cuddles, milk, sitting holding his hand, brought him in with me... eventually I lost it and just plonked him in the cot and yelled at him to leave me alone and left him to cry it out. I know he is absolutely fine and it's just one of those utterly shitty things that I have to try and avoid at all costs. But it doesn't help much to pull yourself together when you feel like you're doing a rubbish job as a mum.

Ended up skyping my best friend (who now lives in boston) last night and sobbing down the line at him, while he talked me down from the edge. I just hate how unbelievably lonely it can get sometimes. It's miserable.

Sending to all who feel a little bit broken by sleep deprivation today too xxx

[susiedaisy]

Hugs and to everyone havin shitty time of it.

[Ladymoods]

I also left me EA husband a few years ago and have been on my own with my dd & ds ever since he was a useless, loveless shit and did nothing with the kids or to support me (emotionally or financially) so I can't say I miss having the things that a partner can offer because I never had them either, but yes I hate not having a supportive and loving relationship. He is also non contact, has been for two years, so no days or weekends where I don't have the kids with me.

And yes it's hard, very hard but I think of the alternative and that never fails to cheer me up. An abusive relationship is never ever the best option, even if he/she does help with the kids.

I mostly enjoy my life but I do get a bit down at times. I love being single and I love being a mighty but I hate being a single mother if that makes sense.

Things I would like? Well I'd like to come downstairs after putting the kids to sleep to find the toys all put away, the dishwasher loaded and the kettle on.
I'd like more sex and more opportunity to go out and meet people.
I'd like to go jogging.
I'd like someone to kiss me, to hug me. My god do I need a hug.
And yes to whoever said they miss the smell of a man. I'm practically inhaling men as they walk past me in the street.

[Ladymoods]

*being a mother, not being a mighty!

[Bigbird01]

nefnaf good to hear you are feeling a little better today.
Is there anyone who could take the DCs for you for a couple of days, just so you can recharge your batteries? It sounds like you are doing an amazing job of holding it all together, despite the sleep deprivation, but we all need a little bit of a break sometimes.
My mum came a stayed for a few days recently. I still had work and obviously saw the DCs, but I didn't have to worry about getting them up and dressed, feeding them, tidying the house... She even did my ironing mountain, bless her! I felt like I was on a holiday camp - despite putting in a full working week!

lady - yes the smell and feel of of a man putting his arms around you to make you feel safe . Like you, I missed that before I split up with my ex though. My ex is still around and has the DCs one night a week, although I find I get very anxious when he does have them. My DS in particular gets very upset about going, but neither of them can tell me a reason or anything which would enable me to stop the contact if it isn't appropriate. Also, their behaviour when they get home is always awful - rude, argumentative and generally upsetting. Takes me a couple of days to get them back to normal...

[fatedtopretend]

I hope you are all enjoying the sunshine at the moment, as much as I wish things were easier/different, it is so much easier to find free/fun things to do in the sun

On another note, me and dp are on the way to reconciling which is lovely as dd has been really missing him.

Have any of you ever had the horrible thought that you should have waited to be with someone more suitable to have dc?

[Thebluedog]

Can I moan too please...

All my mates are arranging, yet another day out. And guess what? I've got more chance of hell freezing over than going out!!!

It's been nearly 3 months since it split from my DH and I've had about 4 x4 hours to myself and it's not looking any better...

I know I'm way better off just the 3 of us but, by god, I get fucked off with missing everything

[Bigbird01]

Moan away blue! I get one night a week when my DCs stay with their Dad and that is tough enough.

I am in awe of all you ladies who never get the respite! You all deserve and lots and lots of

[jan2014]

just came in for a rant too i guess. wish i could be positive all the time but i just can't. this week has been horrible, ive felt so so down and like i just can't cope. luckily my college course is finishing in a few weeks so that will be some pressure off. ex has a job and also doing exams with his degree, so says he can't really help even when things are very hard. when i say this is not acceptable (if we were to get back together) he says i don't have a clue. am i really being that unreasonable to think we should be important too even though he is hellishly busy. its so hard to know the right perspective. anyway. i find it so overwhelming with dd on my own so the temptation to keep trying to work things out with him is huge. but then it was hell living with him. sigh.

[Lioninthesun]

Coming on to moan a bit too. Keep having great days but then, like yesterday it all hits the fan.
I woke at 5:50am thinking someone had run the doorbell...realised what sounded like torrential rain was not actually in line with the picture from my bedroom window and got to the bedroom door to realise carpet was sodden. Yup, a faulty part under the bath meant that my new house was flooding. It was pouring out from light fittings, all over DD's toys. So lucky I don't have carpet downstairs! I acted fast and was remarkably calm, but it has really set me back with what I needed to get done in the week. I also know it could have been a lot worse - if I had been out or away. Now all of my furniture upstairs has had to be moved again to peel back carpet and underlay so it can dry a bit. All of this is furniture I had to have help moving in in the first place! I was just starting to feel settled and on top of things and now I have every towel in the house to wash, wet feet if I walk around upstairs, furniture all over the place and the usual shite to do as well as looking forward to a high water and electric bill (dehumidifier needs to be on all of the time to dry joists and carpet). Builder was amazing though, so at least they were a little helpful even if my house does look a tip now.

I hate that I have to do this on my own and can't even have a laugh about it afterwards. There was no point in calling dad - he wouldn't have been up, wouldn't have known what to do and would have then worried himself silly.

[jan2014]

oh dear lion. what a bother! and what a shock for you to wake up to that.... oh have a virtual laugh with us about it all if that is possible! never a dull moment is there? i hope downstairs feels nice and cosy to make up for upstairs at the minute. poor you!

[Lioninthesun]

It was when DD did the Peppa Pig line of "Mummy! It's raining IN THE HOUSE!" and trying to put up her umbrella while I was running about trying to move all of her toys to a non-existent dry spot...
And everyone mocked me for having so many towels. I have finally proved why stockpiling them can be useful

[jan2014]

lol that is hilarious you should take a pic of dd with her umbrella up in the house and all the furniture moved and the chaos....it might be a good memory for her!

i have soooo many towels (all the engagements and wedding pressies lol lol) and they have always come in useful for when dd is sick and ALL of them end up in the wash at once and also when she decides to wash the dishes...!

[Lioninthesun]

I'm back to have another moan. (JOY! I hear you all shout!)
I'm fed up of having to sort everything out. Being the parent for my parent is exhausting. Being the parent for my toddler is exhausting. I just want someone, anyone, to come along and say "Here you go Lion, let me look into that problem you've been trying to solve for the last 5 months, while you focus on your child/the other 38 problems that are building up" Having a shite couple of months (by shite read expensive meaning we have no money for proper food shopping or to do anything with/go anywhere over half term), and then half term arrives just to ensure I get a grand total of 4 hours childcare for the whole week just as we have this flood and I need to be all over it before we get black mould.
Now having anxiety that I am subjecting DD to black mould from the wet carpets which means I can't sleep which means I will be tired and grumpy and a shit parent. Fed up.

[fatedtopretend]

Fed up too.
I am not very well and there is no one to look after me, I've gone to bed without washing dd's pots from tea-it is driving me to distraction.