What's good is being promoted, how about what's absolutely shit?

[fatedtopretend]

There are loads of threads saying "it's hard being a single parent, but it's sooooo worth it" etc.
I want one that is blunt and honest and pissed off when it needs to be.

I'll start.

Tonight I want to be dressed up with my best "fuck me" outfit on. I want bottles of corona and tequila shots and mad, sweaty, horrible sex when we get in. Instead I am watching house alone. Nothing wrong with house but I just feel sad.

It's just so boring on a night, think 10pm tonight will be my late night for the weekend, there's only so much sitting in silence I can take!

Well done for quitting Indians, you deserve the wine for that!

Magmar

The point of the thread isn't people saying they wished they had stayed with their abusive ex as LP is so hard. They are saying it is hard and they wish they had a NICE, LOVING, SUPOPRTIVE partner to share their life with.

Thanks itsfab, I was trying to think how to word it!

Fated, thank you so much for starting this thread!

I am so glad I left my EA ex, but there are times that I sit in the evenings feeling sorry for myself, for all the reasons everyone has posted above, then getting mad at myself for feeling sorry for myself!

This week has been a bad week. I've felt really down and just wanted someone to put their arms around me and tell me it will all be ok. But then I start thinking about how difficult it is to meet someone when I can't just go out on a whim and how many men just don't want to know the moment they realise you have young kids.

So yes, it is shit, but it is also reassuring to know I am not alone feeling like this.

Hi bigbird, sorry you've had a bad week, feel free to rant away and get some virtual company on here

Tonight I have caved, I have a bottle of wine in for once dd's asleep, I'm just wanting to apologise in case I ramble on about dp tonight (can't face calling him ex dp yet)

I shall virtually (and literally) join you, Fated!

BGT and wine - rock n' roll!! :-)

No sleep is shit. I'll be up in an hour or two too

Hope you managed to get some rest Fated. I was woken up a 6 (not too bad) and have a slightly fuzzy head this morning. Taking DCs walking with friends in a couple of hours - that should shake it!!

Sunday roast is shit. I find it such a faff to prepare with the kids under my feet.

Although the upside is that with just the three of us I can make extra spuds and there's always enough left for roast leftovers the next day.

Today has been a good day, I am now going to ruin it by getting drunk. Hope you've all had fun

I was lying in bed last night thinking of starting a thread like this! So thankyou. Yes, this is much better than being with selfish ExH but when his idea of contact is coming round every Saturday morning for 1.5 bloody hours and doing nothing useful when he's here.... Ggrrrrrr. I don't so much mind the evenings, I have dd who's 4 and twins who are 2 so I'm generally pretty knackered and happy to not have anyone to socialise with but it's when I analyse that I don't miss him because he was useless and I have no example of what a sharing, loving partner would do and I get angry cos I don't even know what to miss! It's the popping... Definitely the popping which I would love to do. And the someone to share the things the children did, or bits of TV, or that silly thing that happened to you today to. Or someone to care that you got stuck in traffic with all the children screaming for an hour, or someone else to make you a cup of tea, or unload the dishwasher or wipe a work surface down. Someone to notice if you look nice. Don't miss sex. It was pretty crap tho with ExH tbh! Someone to out a hand on my back and say 'Lala, you look a bit tired today, how about you sit down and have a cup of tea. I'll look after dc for an hour and then make dinner. And clean it up, then you have a hot bath after the dc are in bed and I'll bring you a glass of wine and put your towel in the tumble-dryer so it's warm and fluffy when you get out' mmmmmmmmmm

Lala - I do feel for you - you must be shattered! My twins have just turned 5 (and I don't have any others) and that is hard enough!
I agree with all the things you 'miss' - I've missed all those (and sex) for a long time before I asked ExH to leave. I know there are lovely men out there who do know when to put their arms around you, not berate you for being stupid enough to let things upset you, just don't know how to meet them

Things I miss today-

Foot rubs while watching tv.

Sitting in happy silence with someone.

Spooning

Hope you are all well and not too tired.

I don't usually like to find fault on here, but I couldn't let this one go.

theincidental

"Apologies for negativity but I am so sick of nothing being done to improve ours and our families' quality of life, except for what we fight tooth and nail for ourselves."

I'm sorry you feel that way. My DS is now at school and I am able to work full time again. With tax credits, I get just over £400 per week - based on my salary of £12,000.

I am able to use Tax Credits to pay for sport activity weeks during summer holidays to allow me to go to work, and we also have enough money left over for holidays, expensive acting classes and trips to cafes for treats at the weekends.

I get 100% say on what we do, where we go etc and now that he's older, it's much easier to manage us than it ever has been.

I appreciate that life is hard being a single parent, but I really think enough has been done to improve our quality of life.

That is great for you, and I am pleased that you feel the new system works well.

I however do not have a child in full time education yet. Exp is earning far more than the minimum wage and is dodging tax and hiding earnings to avoid paying for his own child, yet is treated like an upstanding member of the community while I struggle to keep our finances on an even par.

I think we should start a petition about the CSA not using their powers to stop men getting away with this. I honestly don't think many people realise how crap the system is until it happens to them. Let's raise awareness.

Things I miss.

Hugs
Sex
Having someone in bed to cuddle up to.
Someone to chat to after a day at work.
Someone to tell me 'it's ok we will get through it or sort it out together'
Someone to share the kids highs n lows.
A joint income that was enough to cover the bills.
Planning family trips out.
Watching a film together or having a meal out.
Family holidays
Adult company on an evening and weekend.

I'm busy all the time. But I'm also lonely. I never signed up to be a single parent.

It would of been our 20th wedding anniversary today.

I try to remain positive about the future but it's hard.

Never had a partner there to help with ds.
Been a joy but very difficult from the beginning....
I can't miss what I have never had, but would be bloody nice to have a break in the day or wake up and have someone change that 1st nappy.
Or to have someone give DS a bath so I can relax, or to cook, put DS to sleep once in a while.
It's hard doing it all 100% of the time....I get criticised for co-sleeping, but people do not understand when you are doing everything both physically and financially you will do whatever it takes to make your life easier.
I'd like a man to help with all the day to day care, & to acknowledge all the work I'm putting in with DS. A man who would encourage me to put DS into his cot at night instead of just falling asleep as easier...
I'd like to snuggle at night and miss sex too.....

Felt so good to get that off my chest!!!

Lately i have really been missing having a man around.
I go through stages where i am totally happy being single and the thought of having to share my life with another man just doesn't seem appealing.
Then i have stages where i really miss it and would give anything just for some sofa cuddles, spooning, foot massages, adult conversation, flirting, smiles and just a big strong manly hug.. the type of hug that makes you feel safe and secure...i really miss that feeling. Simple things really.
And one more thing, might sound silly but i miss that sexy man smell that they have...i cant describe it...you must know what i mean lol

Lioninthesun - I don't get any maintenance payments.

I agree that when DS was a baby and toddler it was much harder to be a parent, and looking back it was mainly because that time is so demanding.

I did not cope very well being a full time mum and am a much better parent now that I work and DS goes to school and the time that we have together is more precious.

Although I love DS to pieces and loved watching him grown and learn, I'd not endure those first 5 years again!

I'm looking forward to the stage when DS is in school or nursery at least as going back to work in sep!
Sounds horrible but I can't wait!
Having to endure people (& sometimes strangers) endlessly asking about DS's dad, who he looks like etc, where he is etc and just assuming we are together is difficult.
Sometimes I don't kno whether to lie or just out right tell them to mind their own business.
Leaving hosptial, the early morning feeds, sleep deprived, it's all been pretty tough as a lone parent. Luckily have supportive family, couldn't have done it otherwise!

I miss that man smell too!!!

I'm honestly in a good place re being happy on my own. I find lone parenting tough at times (especially financially) but I'm really not after another man.
I've been badly treated or let down by nearly all the men in my life, so I don't trust easily now. Ex's family seem to be under the illusion that I'd have him back in a heartbeat - er, yeah sure - and I find that massively insulting that a. they think single mothers are desperate, and b. that I'd go back for more emotional abuse!
Also having DS puts a massive slant on the type of guy I'd want to be bringing into our lives.
Maybe one day I'll meet someone, but until then, we're doing ok.

Sorry - bit of a ramble there!

I may get evil eyed for this but I have nothing but good things to say about the CSA. I've found them really helpful (I've only been claiming a short while and they put a pretty much immediate attachment of earnings on).

To be honest I enjoyed the freedom of not having to share decision making from day one of knowing I was pregnant so I do understand that there are plus points to being a lone parent, however, I would not wish being pregnant alone on my worst enemy, it is a scary, lonely thing.