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Original poster

Help me laugh… whats the most pathetic excuse for not paying child support?

173 replies

converselover · 04/04/2014 10:45

Just had an email… 6 years of arrears, nothing since 2011... a man who earns twice what I do … Apparently he can't pay anything right now because he "needs" a flat in both London and New York he's a bit short on money also he's got to travel to south america this summer and the airfare is really a lot… meanwhile I am struggling to pay the grocery and bills for me and my son.
give me a laugh - is there something worse than this ...

OP posts:
TomLondon · 17/09/2014 20:04

It is all going in a bank account. I would feel terrible if I spent it all on myself

LadySybilLikesCake · 17/09/2014 20:26

I had the joy at looking at my ex's bank statements. He couldn't pay maintenance but he could afford to go on weekends away every month, charity donations, £££ on jewellery etc.

I hope you get to see your children. They have a right to see you and it's irrelevant what your ex thinks or feels.

TomLondon · 17/09/2014 20:29

I only see my children via skype and that is all dependent on what mood my ex is in.

LadySybilLikesCake · 17/09/2014 20:31

Sad I'm sorry, that sounds crap. Have you seen a solicitor? Don't give up!!

fedupbutfine · 17/09/2014 22:00

It is all going in a bank account. I would feel terrible if I spent it all on myself

I personally believe this is a very dangerous game and can be used against you quite spectacularly. If you have an ex who is intent on blocking access and making you out the bad guy, avoiding maintenance payments just plays into her hands. Whilst I am sure your children will be happy to receive a lump sum at some point in their futures, at what emotional, mental, physical and practical (let alone financial) expense will that come at?

My ex believes I have 'enough' money to bring up our children - and he's right, I do - but what he's not seeing is how I manage the money I have, how I go without, and nor is he going to have to deal with a non-existent pension in his twilight years. Our children may not understand that now but they will in their later years. I personally play it from a 'whiter than white' perspective - they will not hear me bad mouth their father and I will not stand in the way of them having anything but a positive relationship with them. He can screw it up on his own. And he is doing - albeit very, very slowly.

When your children eventually get to ask questions of their own free will, what exactly are you going to tell them? That you wanted to get on with your life so thought you'd mess with their mother's life as best you could?

twofingerstoGideon · 17/09/2014 22:40

In 4 years I have paid under £1000 for 2 children. I am happy to stand up and admit to that.

In which case, shame on you. Paying money into a bank account for later (if indeed you do) indicates that you do have the ability to pay. My exH used non-payment of child support as a means of 'revenge' because I had the audacity to leave him. My DD is 18 now and wants nothing* to do with him, because the fact that he didn't care when her shoes had holes, didn't care when I barely had enough money for food, didn't care when she wanted to go on school trips, but managed to 'put money in a bank account' instead, tells her everything she needs to know about his priorities. In her own words: 'he obviously cared more about punishing you than about looking after me.'

*And I mean NOTHING.

When I think of the amount of energy he's expended over the years trying to avoid his responsibilities, I feel nothing but pity for him.

NeedsAsockamnesty · 17/09/2014 23:40

I'm sure getting a lump sum will help them come to terms with the knowledge that your wish to get on over on your ex and not support them as much as you know you should be was more attractive to you.

My god son has just been handed a substantial lump sum because his NRP did exactly the same thing. As soon as he became aware of it he picked up the phone rang the RP and said "thanks for the fab gift" NRP was a bit confused by this until the dc pointed out it was really a gift from the RP because its what the NRP should have been paying them already

Whatever21 · 18/09/2014 20:22

I like your god son!

NeedsAsockamnesty · 18/09/2014 20:25

He's turned into a fine young man,I'm very proud of him

FlippyBard · 25/09/2014 17:57

because he could not get in touch with me that day as his phone was in airplane mode
because I have a job
because he wanted to give me food vouchers instead
because it was the last match of the season

AmITwirly · 26/09/2014 20:12

One month XH gave me half of what he should, because he said he was short of cash.

A couple of weeks later he emailed me to ask if I could transfer the money he'd given me back into his bank account? Reason being that he had flown business class to South Africa and now had to pay his hotel bill for two weeks and didn't have enough money.

Erm...no.

revealall · 26/09/2014 20:50

TomLondon I get your reasoning but as has been said before you are on a very sticky wicket.
You are essentially buying off the childrens relationship with you. Had you supplied the mother with money it at least says you care about providing for them growing up.
The lump sums just implies they are worth to you whatever sum you end up to gifting them at the end. You will either end up looking cheap or flash. Nothing you give will be an appropriate amount.
Children care about the thought as much as the dosh. Giving the morther a pittance a week implies you were concerned enough to do so.

However if you have nothing to do with them and expect nothing to do with them in future, then yes, a lump sum is fine. But for goodness sake these children are your DNA, your legacy. The fact that you do or don't like their mother ( who was at least good enough once) shouldn't come into it.

ScrambledEggAndToast · 08/10/2014 20:14

My ex once had a pair on angel wings tattooed on his back and very proudly told me that's what he had spent my maintenance money on. He should have got devil horns really.

DressingGown · 08/10/2014 22:42

ExP has never paid a penny because he doesn't have any money. He last told me this fact from behind the wheel of a boat in the south of France!!

Also, I got promoted and finally can afford to run a very much needed banger. "I suppose you want money from me to pay for your car now"!! (No, but money for nursery fees, food, and clothes would be good).

By the way, I bought him a car not looking long before we split...

TripTrapTripTrapOverTheBridge · 08/10/2014 22:47

Because he wants to save for his wedding to the wench he cheated on me with! Not that he'll say that to me mind, haven't heard from him at all since he ran off it just gets plastered online instead,usually by the wench!

Oh and of course, he has his 'own' kids to pay for,the babies he had after deciding to never see our son again. 'Own' kids? He 'has children' really? What the hell do they think the son we had together is then??!?!?!

Missm00 · 08/10/2014 22:55

My exh refuses to pay for our two kids (5m lb, 19m lg) as he doesn't get paid as much benefits as me!! And yet, he has the cash to spend on gaming. The equivalent amount to two months of our lg's nursery fees!! Grr

pinkelephant11 · 22/10/2014 19:33

My ex has not paid any child support to my daughter for 5 1/2 years. He owns a restaurant and 3 other buy to let properties and he claims he has no money. He says he can't afford £300 a month but he could afford to have holidays and new car.

pinkelephant11 · 22/10/2014 19:35

I really feel like I am an idiot for not taking him to court

LJARoo · 03/11/2014 23:04

Why do they ALL get away with this shit?! My baby is 9wks old. I know I will never get a penny. LadyMaryLikesCake hit nail on the head there ..anyone who can treat a child like this will certainly repeat the process. That is depressing :-(

Ye110w · 03/11/2014 23:10

yes, I fear that my x will try to buy the children back when they're adults. He might succeed, who knows.

he is stealing from me, because he knows that they won't go without whatever they really need. He'd be outraged if me and my family didn't suck up the sacrifices and the expense, but he 100% views it as my responsibility. He is stealing from me. I am 100% paying for the upbringing of our children. I can afford it but that's not the point. It is theft.

Ye110w · 03/11/2014 23:27

My x would be of a similar mindset to Tom.

His knee jerk analysis is that it is fair that I incur the cost of raising the children because he doesn't see them every day, and they are like movies I guess, pay per view? If he had less disposable cash, leaving me with some disposable cash, he'd see that as UNfair.

It is a scary mindset. I've had my comfortable childhood though. The children are having theirs now. I wonder at how he can be intelligent but not intelligent enough to realise that a comfortable secure childhood gives young adults a sense of security and confidence. My x thinks he's "showing me" but for me it's a few years of belt-tightening but for the children these are formative years.

Mumsy75 · 04/11/2014 20:43

Amongst many excuses and stories told, the one excuse that makes me giggle (now that is as at the time I was fuming) is that he's not paying maintenance as I am working and earning money so I can pay for everything. Plus when he used to come and visit he would want me to pay for his fuel and feed him.

number1daddy · 07/11/2014 10:10

my sons mums excuses would have been because she used the money on her phone, going out, having more kids, moving, not telling the csa, not caring. £5 a week was a good week lol

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