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Original poster

Help me laugh… whats the most pathetic excuse for not paying child support?

173 replies

converselover · 04/04/2014 10:45

Just had an email… 6 years of arrears, nothing since 2011... a man who earns twice what I do … Apparently he can't pay anything right now because he "needs" a flat in both London and New York he's a bit short on money also he's got to travel to south america this summer and the airfare is really a lot… meanwhile I am struggling to pay the grocery and bills for me and my son.
give me a laugh - is there something worse than this ...

OP posts:
fairgame · 13/09/2014 11:22

My ex chose not to see Ds and said that he shouldn't pay child support because "I wouldn't go into a shop and pay for something that I couldn't keep". Appparently having a child is the same as shopping Hmm

LadySybilLikesCake · 13/09/2014 11:29

I'm still waiting for arrears (14 months after the hearing to say he should pay them). I don't know why he hasn't bothered to pay these yet as he's still not answering texts/emails/my calls. The court is going slooooooowly.

Tutt · 13/09/2014 11:33

My ex told me ( his last of many excuses) was because I was married and he needed his money for a social life to find a partner as it wasn't fair hahaha.
His very first excuse was that I worked, had the house and a nice car ( all mine before he left g?o?t? ?t?h?r?o?w?n? ?o?u?t? and again that wasn't fair... I see a pattern!!
I've not had a single penny in 15 years, not even a sock for DS, he also has never bought DS a birthday or Christmas present as apparently DS has enough!! he wonders why the poor lad has gone NC for the last 5 years ( this apparently isn't fair either).

LadySybilLikesCake · 13/09/2014 11:50

He's ignored ds for the last 2 Christmases (but his wife posts pictures of the presents they have bought their dc all over facebook), before this the one present he sent was from him and I was left to pay for everything else that ds needed. The only time ds gets an email from him is on ds's birthday to make sure he's received the card (even though I send him a text to say ds has - ds is dyspraxic so doesn't always remember to do this himself). He takes no responsibility for the fact that ds doesn't contact him otherwise, it's all my fault you see Confused

Sounds like no loss, Tutt Thanks

AlleyCat11 · 13/09/2014 11:57

I just can't understand how the new wives / gfs can swan off on holidays etc, knowing that there's kids going without. Mind boggling...

LadySybilLikesCake · 13/09/2014 11:59

Oh, she just backed him up Confused

Tutt · 13/09/2014 12:27

Not all new wives are like that my step son lives here full time and so we have the Mother making pathetic excuses about maintenance...
Neither of my DH or my children's bio parent has ever paid a penny, each are as bad as the other.

LadySybilLikesCake · 13/09/2014 12:34

No, not all of them. I imagine it's not easy for new wives but the children should always come first IMO.

ScrambledEggAndToast · 13/09/2014 14:42

To be honest, the worst one of them all IMO is "I can't afford it". Well, how do they think we manage. We budget, make do, ensure our kids are fed/clothed, pay essential bills and don't waste money we don't have on things we don't need to the detriment of our children.

Basically, we face up to our responsibilities whereas they don't. They think it's perfectly acceptable to just abdicate all responsibility and assume that someone else will takeover. Well, it's a good job that there are so many fab MNers out there all doing such a good job.

LadySybilLikesCake · 13/09/2014 15:14

I'd like to see not paying for your child's upkeep a criminal offence, not something that absent parents can get away from (with the support of their friends and family). If I didn't feed or clothe my child I'd expect to be prosecuted, it's basic stuff to provide for your child. I don't get why society thinks it's OK, because it's not.

Trollsworth · 13/09/2014 15:22

He walked out of his job and forced his girlfriend to support the whole family on her own, whilst being a stay at home parent to their daughter who is full time at nursery.

Just to make sure I do t get maintenance.

It's ok though, because the contact centre has a tuck shop and he pays for all their sweets.

You know, fuck their £30 blazers, and their scientific calculators, and the laptop ds1 needs - he's given them haribo and fruits boots for two solid hours every Saturday because he can't think of any other way to fucking entertain them, obviously that is enough fathering for them /s

honey86 · 13/09/2014 17:11

What lady said. I wana see it made illegal too.

lostintoys · 13/09/2014 18:25

He still has to give money to his grown-up (both late twenties) children. He couldn't buy DS a new pair of shoes to replace a pair with holes in them because his older son, who has a full-time job, needed a new and very expensive camera which DS's father had to pay for.

NickiFury · 13/09/2014 18:44

In America you can go to jail for not paying child support. That should be the case here too.

whyhasmyheadgonenumb · 14/09/2014 16:30

'Ive received a summons for unpaid council tax so cant give you any money until its paid. Its going to take me 6 months'
So what were you spending the money on that you should have used to pay the council tax every month? you certainly werent giving it to the kids. Nothing in 11 months but hes got a lovely new designer brand coat and shoes on the sofa when i went to pick them up.

D0oinMeCleanin · 14/09/2014 16:39

Because I left him in too much debt. Once I pay my half of the debt he'll start paying. That would be my half towards a tv I do not have possession of. A bed I don't sleep on. A washer I never use etc.

Um, no. I won't help you pay for the things you insisted on keeping. You wanted them. You pay for them.

LadySybilLikesCake · 14/09/2014 20:14

Some of these excuses are really pathetic Sad I hope you and your DC are all OK. It can be difficult to shelter children from this.

BrevilleTron · 14/09/2014 20:44

Bruthas
Oh yes they fucking do! I'm the NRP and I pay £60 PER WEEK ( and DD is worth every penny!!)
EXP and I phoned the CSA together which really shocked the shit out of them
All the useless tossers who begrudge paying for THEIR children really piss me off.
In addition to the CSA I'll help out with school shoes and other stuff. Why?
Duh because she's my daughter?!

The only issue I have is persuading DStep and DExp to actually SPEND the money! I don't care if it goes in the petrol tank or the food budget or anything..... It's going towards the happy family environment. We have savings accounts for DD so I've said to them to USE it and if they need a holiday them damn well have one you deserve it

Some of these excuses from vile selfish fuckwits baffle me. PAY for your children!

Although I did have a Hmm moment when I rang the CSA
Me "Hello just calling to check when my last payment went out?"
Lady" Could you tell me when your child's father is due to pay it to you?"
Me "Err excuse me? I pay the money to HIM!
Lady " Oh, well that's a bit unusual"!!!

honey86 · 14/09/2014 22:16

Brevilletron

There needs to be many more people like you in the world ??

Charley50 · 15/09/2014 15:23

Only read your gob-smacking first post. Mine has never paid even though I've bent over backwards to let him forge a good relationship with DS...because I kicked him out so it's my problem...conveniently forgetting that I kicked him out because: he threatened repeatedly to 'put me six feet under,' threatened that he'd kill me if decided not to have my lovely baby, kicked me while in bed, never had any money but had loads for his weed habit, never had any money, but spent loads ringing up porn lines, and hit me (only once - I kicked him out!). Still won't pay as he has no money in spite of him working full-time, having a wife who works full-time and having loads of stupid stuff e.g. 3d telly. Tight cunt. Still trots out that same old line.

Now breathe.............

MrsSnail · 15/09/2014 20:53

Because I left so its my fault.
Because I get tax credits towards the childcare and the child benefit so actually I should be paying him.
Because I work so I don't need it.
Because he as her occasionally so thats his 'contribution'
Because he can't control what I spend it on so he's not paying it
Now the csa are deducting it direct from his salary I get loads of moaning emails about how broke he is.
He's 42 and lives at rent free with his parents

Chapina · 15/09/2014 20:57

DD1 was 13, therefore she could legally get a small job like delivering papers. Which meant he didn't think it was fair to pay the £20 a month as I could, apparently, be earning money from her. Hmm

HampshireBoy · 17/09/2014 13:01

As a dad I find some of these shocking, but unfortunately all too familiar, just selfish not to support your kids. My parents were divorced in 1970, as I recall the maintenance was about £5 in total and he paid only a few times - even spending a couple of nights in the cells when my mum took it back to court. In the end she gave up. Mind you he never bothered to visit us much either.

That is probably why I was "better" over paying, I'm still paying the mortgage even though both DS left for Uni, house up for sale so we can split. Maintenance was over £300/month and when we went to mediation ExW was shocked to find that I was paying more than the court would have awarded. It was tempting to knock money off when at times both DS were spending half the month with me, in the end I decided it wasn't worth giving her an excuse to punish the boys.

TomLondon · 17/09/2014 17:47

I am one of those men who do not pay child support. The divorce and loss of kids was bad enough but having to pay 20% of everything I earn on top of everything else the courts and ex have put me through would have finished me.

I thank the CSA and child maintenance people for cutting some of us some slack and letting us rebuild our lives.

In 4 years I have paid under £1000 for 2 children. I am happy to stand up and admit to that.

LadySybilLikesCake · 17/09/2014 19:43

£1k is better than nothing, Tom, there's some parents on here who get nothing or very little.

I do get why you're reluctant to pay, but the maintenance should (but doesn't always) go towards feeding your children and keeping a roof over their heads. I couldn't hide the none payment from my son as it went into his bank account. It destroyed his relationship with his father as my son thinks that his father couldn't be bothered to make sure he had food. It may seem like a tough one for you now, but in the years to come would you rather tell your children that you provided for them, or would you rather they thought like my son - that you didn't care? If you're not happy about handing it over to your ex wife, then put it into a bank account for them for when they need it, or use it to fund a solicitor and make sure you have access.