Activities on ex's weekend

[smuggler]

Was just wondering if anyone has any experience of their child wanting to do a weekend activity/go to parties on their dad's weekend but him refusing to take them?

My seven year olds father has eow contact and has always refused to allow her to do an activity she's really wanted to do for almost four years or attend birthday parties if they fall on his weekend. In the past I've negotiated swaps for best friends parties but it always comes with a load of grief from him. I'm fed up with being the one to run dd around to parties etc on my weekend while he gets eow uninterrupted with her but doesn't actually do anything with her. Dd is upset that she can't do the activity or go to parties like her friends.

We don't have a contact order in place. The activity is from 10-12 on Saturday mornings. He recently started collecting her from school on Fri. He lives half hour away. I want dd to be able to go to the most important parties and her activity and for him to facilitate that on his weekends. Previously he's said that if dd wants to go to a party on his weekend I have to drive to collect her from his, get her dressed for the party, supply the present, take her to and supervise her at the party, then collect and return her to his. All with my toddler in tow. It's impossible and ultimately ends with me getting the blame for her missing the party.

I'm thinking of saying that he needs to respect dds wish to do the activity and either collect her Fri and return to our town on Sat for it or collect her after the activity and return her to school on Monday instead of Sunday at 2 p.m. as usual. I also want him to listen to dd if there's a party she wants to go to and take her himself. Are these unreasonable requests? If he took me to court, does anyone have any experience of what the outcome might be?

Dd is a strong swimmer and gymnast and wants to train and compete in these as she gets older. Her dad's refusal to support any activities on his weekends means that'd be impossible which I don't think is fair on dd.

Daddyodone you make cupcakes AND shop in Waitrose ?

Hi Daddyofone - I hear what you say. As a parent the dad may feel that his daughter's time is better spent elsewhere. Am not saying he's right or wrong but that might be how he see's things. There seems to be a presumption that his action is wrong and I'm not so sure its that clear cut. The relationship he forges with his daughter might be one of the most important she forms.

um, i shop at Liddles if that scores any points.

Dark knight - asking him to take her to the activity and to parties is me trying to involve him in her wider life. He'd get to share in an activity she loves and meet her friends there and at her parties. It's not as if I'm saying I'm canceling contact so she can do these things, which is what I might have done if I did indeed believe they were more important than contact. He gets informed of all parents evenings, her nativity and so on but tells dd he didn't receive any letter from school and that I didn't inform him.

Smuggler - I am not saying that your wrong. It doesn't matter what any one thinks really. The only issue is the working relationship that exists between you and your ex as parents. In the same way that some mum's build up their ex's to be caricatures of evil, some dad's do too. My feeling is that if there's an answer to be found it probably involves communication and understanding his viewpoint as well.
A starting point might be contacting the family mediation service who do very good work. They could, perhaps, manage to get some form of parenting agreement between you.

Daddyofone do you let her paint your toenails baby pink ?

'Taps nose mysteriously'

His viewpoint is that he can't/won't take her because he's decided to take up his own hobby at the exact same time in his home town apparently

Does she join in with his hobby?

She'll either be taken along to watch (aka play on his phone) or left with his mum.

He's ignoring me now Daddyofone. Dd is really upset

We were on the opposite side of this. We invited a little girl to DS's 4th birthday party. Her mum RSVPed for her, little girl got excited. Mummy contacted daddy via his solicitor as they weren't directly in touch. Turned out it was daddy's weekend and daddy said no. We were stunned that someone could be such an arse. This was a child from his DD's nursery, we'd never met either of her parents so it wasn't like I was a friend of the DM, it was just spite.

We waited a couple of months then invited the DD and her little sister round for the afternoon to play. Awkward though as other children from the room at nursery did go, and talked about it during the week at nursery afterwards.

What a child does during the weekend is down to the parent he/she is. Simple as that.

That said - of course both parents should take note at what their children would like to do or things like parties. In this case if there is no good reason why the OP's ex can't take their DD to these activities he should do so.

This sort of situation will always come up with separated parents which is why communication is key here. For every parent who says the other one doesn't take the kid to their weekend hobbies there is one saying that the other is organising things when the kid is with them to dictate and cause problems.

I am in a similar situation. My son goes to activities when he's with me and his mum chooses not to take him when he's with her. He wants to go, but at the end of the day she's his parent too and what he does when he's with her is her look out regardless of what I think.

Have to say - this generalising about mums and dads, RPs and NRPs really isn't helpful. Good and bad in everyone.

Lost dad,you could rectify that via the courts.

It's there to do a job and resolve issues that are important to either parent and the child where other methods have failed.

It is what it is. And I wouldn't say soul destroying,not fun but not soul destroying.

And some people are obviously well enough equipped to have to fund nothing other than the application fee.

Oh YES!!!! We have this too. Dd has missed lots of scouts meetings this year because so far they keep falling on his days. For the last time a meeting fell on his wkd I said "Dd doesn't want to miss another scout meeting. Can I help you get her there in anyway?" He said "No, I can get her there easily." Again - they didn't go because they were still in bed. (The meeting was at 2pm). It never occured to me that I might be offending him by telling him what to do. I need to think through how to organise activities....

I still can't get over the rigidity of this. surely its about the child? I can't have set days with ex for contact and if its his day he takes DDS to rainbows or brownies or whatever. if its not I do it. they were activities they did before so why should that change. we adapt around them. I'm so sorry you are having to go through this.