Facing pregnancy alone?

[thedogsrolex]

There seem to be quite a few threads lately posted by women facing pregnancy alone for whatever reason. I was thinking maybe it would be a good idea to have one ongoing thread for support and advice...what do you think? I know it would have helped me way back when I had dd? (apologies if there is already one, I haven't come across it).

He's apparently not seeing her anymore. He was sad that we're not doing anything this weekend as we've had baby things to do for the last few weeks but this weekend my parents are coming.

Things are going really well with us. We laugh, he's supportive, we chat about names and things, he stayed over one night when i wasn't well to check we were ok. Am I reading this all wrong?! Could we be a family if we build really slowly??? He's trying so hard to make up for all that's happened. His DS called me and is happy to see me (I didn't pick up the phone because I'm a massive chicken and thought i'd cry). He's coming 3 times in the week to walk The dog and then comes for a whole day at the weekend and we normally go baby shopping or watch a film and have lunch. It's perfect for both of us. He gets quality time with his DS, we get time together and I don't have the pressure of being a step mum. Please tell me if I'm being really naive?

I dont want to say anything to him and upset the apple cart but I also don't want to be a total fool if he's seeing someone else. I guess I hope he'd say but part of me knows he wouldn't because he wouldn't want to upset me and also would be scared I'd stop him being part of it all.

He's coming with me to NCT first week of nov. we're going to mothercare open eve on mon and shopping and looking at houses for me next weekend.

I just want him to tell me that he still loves me well us now x

Its a good thing that he is being supportive. You may well be able to work it out, which would be fantastic if you could, but just dont rush into anything.

It is very much your decision. If you were to post in relationships, everybody would tell you not too... but that is because nobody wants to see anybody get hurt.

I would love to see you work things out with him and there is no reason why you cant, but please dont let yourself get hurt again.

I think that what you are doing at the moment is great.

I'm here Skye! Tough times but im here I moved to off the beaten track xxxxx

Scrap that and cue massive row after talking about trust. Argh! I can't take this!!!

Hugs pickles xxx

Pickles - have found your other thread and posted on there.

Flumpy - oh dear.. one step forward and two back :(

He says he's sorry. Whatever.

Flumpy - just take each day as it comes... accept his support, but dont get too close to him if you are unsure of his feelings and intentions :(

Well yesterday I'd have said yes and today I'd say no but actually of someone asked him he'd probably say the same. He doesn't know his own mind.

From cbt and all the other help I've had I can see that he feels guilty and talking about my difficulties in trusting him makes him feel bad so he has to become defensive and in doing this he has to make me the bad guy accusing me of manipulating his opinion which obviously upsets me and then he feels worse. He then attempts to salvage his conscience by comforting me and apologising. In the past I would always accept blame, I would back down and cave in confessing it to all be my fault and sometimes It even was but cbt has enabled me to see exactly what he's doing.

And when it doesn't work the way he wants - he walks out because he's lost control. It's a cycle which will never ever end. He won't listen to me and he certainly won't go and get help or be honest with them. How ironic that when he left he wrote my parents 2 a4 pages on why I needed help and I took it on the chin and went and bloody got help, only to discover that over half of the things in that letter he actually did to me rather than vice versa! The worst of which was destroying my confidence to the point at which I would believe what ever he accused me of - including all that was written in the letter.

He struggles with the fact that he can't do that anymore. I don't believe everything he says and I don't look with tinted glasses. I have a little self belief back and it helps enormously but it unarmed him.

Flumpy - My STBXH did the same to me. Once I started counselling, she made me see that actually he was controlling a lot of things, by agreeing to everything that I said, then accusing me of walking all over him, he was creating a situation that I could not win...

Just take a step back, try not to discuss anything too heavy for now and just see how it goes..

good luck

Thanks

He says he just wants to continue as things were but I can't. He needs help and I'm not prepared to continue knowing that in just a few weeks our behaviour is going to have a huge affect on someone else's life. She doesn't deserve this

Agree with makeitalarge

Its his real dad, every women wants the 'real mum and dad' to rasie there DC.

Its hard, i still think about it and think deep down he would of been an amazing dad. Makes me weep/cry that im having a son and he fixes cars. What boy dont like cars? He will be playing with them and i will think your daddy fixes them. He would go work with him and look at him fixes the cars and he would love it!

Although i think all this i will never forgive him, got to think whats BEST for you and DC.

Im in bed waiting for my future man, with a bright red nose and toast. I dont think i will find him here

Hugs!!!!!!!!!!!!

I have the TV just not the box set, i think setting johnny as a future man.

I would be let down so much.

Hes very

I even think hes single? Hes not married to that fugly wife anymore.

He says he's sorry and he's going to get help! I await the results with baited breath!!!
He admitted he's emotionally abusive. Arse wipe!!

Emotionally drained!

You ok, Flumpy and everybody?

Hello. I'm ok. Parents came and blitzed house this weekend. Feels amazing!

Have begun heart wrench of removing dog from bedrooms. Shes v sad about it and so am I but she's not small like pickles dog she's big and black and malts - a lot and so it's for the best!

The heartburn is killing me!!!

XP is ok. Although I can see our next fight being smoking. He smokes so much more now and I hate it. I don't want to be a martyr but I can see me not wanting him to hold DD if he stinks of it.
We've been quite conversational and about DSS too and he says he wants to see me. I just need more stability in communication with XP before getting back in with DSS.

We're off to a mothercare mum to be event tonight. Should be good and I have millions of questions!!

All those irrational fears of doing this alone are beginning to drift away now (I think the reality will be totally different!!)

How's everyone else doing?

30 weeks this week!!!

I think flumpy dog is fine with the move, as long as he still gets his treats and walkies!

Even though i did smoke, i would not let anyone hold my baby if they stink of it, urgh makes me feel all yukky lol. Its not normal, his breath/clothes will stink.

That sounds fun Mothercare have very cute christmas outfits in!

Skye, i am doing great, still have those days where i could go around and do a few murders!

Feel a lot better but its getting nearer and feel i want a family, all cosy on the sofa.

But i soon thought, no hes a bastard.

I will have my DS to snuggle too, got a app for a c-section next month so fingers crossed i get one, if so he will be here for christmas! excited

How are you doing?

glad you are doing well

so we have picklesdog and flumpydog but not xmasdog

I only have a cat, so can she be skyecat? doesnt have the same ring as flumpydog though, lol

Skyecat sounds okay

I have 4 chinchillas! Xmaschin?

Baby is due christmas eve

I hope i get a c-section, if not i think i would cry

I have it at 33w, so i think they so a c-section at 39w, so a week before so he could be here 17th decemeber.

If i get my c-section, i will buy a santa outfit and a christmas jumper!

I cant think of anything worse than being 40w un-comfy on christmas day