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Facing pregnancy alone?

999 replies

thedogsrolex · 12/07/2012 18:30

There seem to be quite a few threads lately posted by women facing pregnancy alone for whatever reason. I was thinking maybe it would be a good idea to have one ongoing thread for support and advice...what do you think? I know it would have helped me way back when I had dd? (apologies if there is already one, I haven't come across it).

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lolo99 · 22/09/2012 16:30

hhaha I think some men are great, responsible and loving....just not ours :)

Flumpy2012 · 22/09/2012 18:28

Help!!! He's dating the ex wife!
I've hated her since the first time I heard her curse at her son down the phone about 6 months into our relationship. I've always been suspicious that he wanted her back but I genuinely never thought she would after having an affair and them divorcing etc.

I have no idea how to feel, I know we're not together but HER of all people!!! And now we've just got on an even keel about him being part of DD's life. This changes everything!!! The thought of that woman within 100 yards of my child makes me sweat. She's a crap mother in my opinion who abandoned her child for another man and never spends any quality time with him.

Oh god what do I do?!

He says they're just dating and will never be proper husband and wife again just like courting really and he won't live with her. He doesn't want anything to affect him being part of DD's life.

I feel sick!!! But he asked to spend Xmas with his DD today?! Weird xx

MakeItALarge · 22/09/2012 19:09

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Flumpy2012 · 23/09/2012 08:14

He stayed quite late last night, mostly because he felt bad I think as I've got kidney pains. I didn't mention it again and we were quite companionable with the dog lying between us.
It's not so much someone else it's her! And my knowledge of her and her behaviour means that I know she will make the situation hell when it really needn't be and he would do anything to keep her happy.

Why is just so puzzling?! The woman had an affair, lied and made his son lie to him, left him, took his son, divorced him, met yet another man and dumped son back with him so she could be with other man!! How do you ever trust that person again??

Is that really worth abandoning the mother of your unborn child for? Who actually loved you and your son?

What a mess :-( I'm not rising to the bait though and just leaving it. At least this time it won't be me picking up the pieces!!!

How's everyone else? xx

preggofabulous · 23/09/2012 09:50

Flumpy your situation sounds awful, but you sound like you are handling it in a very dignified way, which I think is brilliant :)

I'm fast becoming convinced that I'll never get involved with another man again, as they're just far too confusing and frustrating.

Flumpy2012 · 23/09/2012 10:11

I don't feel very dignified. I feel horrified that I'm all pregnant and look awful and he's off having relations whilst I'm carrying our child!!

But I like you will not be getting involved again with anyone else. For several reasons: to protect myself from being hurt.
Because whoever I meet will be second best to DD and I know how it feels to live that way and it's hard but I can't help it she will come first.
Because it would break my heart if DD became attached to someone who just walked out on us.
Because if I had to go through what I've just been through and had a DD to look after I'd be an absolute mess and it wouldn't be fair on her.
Once she's big and grown up there'll still be plenty of life left to live and I shall meet someone for companionship then. :) maybe

I want my own home and things and money so that no one can rip that away from me again. Can't rely on anyone but myself! x

xmasevebundle · 23/09/2012 11:21

To be very honest she sounds a 'slut' the ex wife and men like thatHmm

Flumpy2012 · 23/09/2012 13:34

I don't really know her that we'll tbh but I don't like the way she carries herself or the way she treats her DS and that's enough for me!

I won't keep him away from DD just because of her but i will insist that she stays away.

Xmas is tricky, he wants to see her on her first Xmas but I wonder how I'll feel? I've wont come if my family are there and my family won't come if hes there so it's a case of either with my parents or with him, I don't want to take it away from him but perhaps it's a bit strange???

As for birth tbh for all his faults he will be the most calming person to have there, my mother breeds stress and panic and I've not really got any close friends up here who dont have children. My only fear is that he will go back and detail my graphic birth story to his ex-w!

I am currently reaping his guilt though as he seems to be helping a lot which is good in the wake of my hospital stint! x

xmasevebundle · 23/09/2012 13:51

Its hard, but i think he will tell his ex wife and she will want to know everything about the baby. She might see it as my son has a half sister.

No i would NOT let him, when are you due? I think in my opioin, he does have a choice to see her but i would want the first christmas with me?

Plus of you just had DD few weeks before and he comes over happy as larry your emotions will be everywhere and he wants to be play happy familys? It sounds it to me.

I think if he did that id be very pissed off with him and think so low of him. Its a special time for you and maybe him. Depending on what he does next!

He should be helping you, hes got you pregnant too! Never feel guilty because hes there and hes back with her.

He thinks hes doing you the favour by going to the hospital etc?

I was in the hospital a few weeks ago, rung 999 thought i was in premature labour, i went there with my mum. Where was my babys father? No-where to be fucking seen.

Focus on you and the baby. Him and his ex wife wont last long, she's and ex for a reason! lol

MakeItALarge · 23/09/2012 23:24

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xmasevebundle · 23/09/2012 23:51

LOL. I agree but my minds set on no man being near me unless its my dad, the doctor or when my DS arrvies apart from that all male species are a big no no.

I can think if my exp was at the birth he would be very'oh its okay, come on it dont hurt, 2cm your nearly at 10 now' type.

I think i would end up at least doing a 10 year sentenceHmm

Flumpy2012 · 24/09/2012 03:50

Makeitlarge - that's how I feel. I feel that I have to give him every opportunity to be the best dad he can. What he does with that opportunity is up to him.
I'm getting better at thinking about DD rather than myself so finding it easier to think about him being involved. So long as the ex wife stays away!
Is your ex involved now? xx

MakeItALarge · 24/09/2012 11:56

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Flumpy2012 · 24/09/2012 12:47

Makeitlarge

Poor you that sounds like an awful emotional rollercoaster and you're very brave for doing it for DS.

Sounds like we are on same wave length though, I want to try and have him involve for DD. but you can only lead a horse to water. I think over time you become less bitter about what they did to you and focus more on them being there for DC.

Was he there at the birth?

MakeItALarge · 24/09/2012 14:29

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Flumpy2012 · 24/09/2012 14:50

I'd say he's had the chance and it's no good for your confidence and self esteem to be begging him to see DS. Perhaps send a well worded email explaining that whilst you would like him to be part of DS's life you're not willing for him to yoyo in and out when he feels like it. Then the ball is in his court an you avoid the pleading.

We are going to the infant parent perinatal service this pm and I'm hoping we are going to be able to broach the subject of support from exp but we shall see what happens.

I won't plead with exp for anything. I will ask or inform him of a situation and then it is down to him and his conscience - if he has one. Nothing I can say or do will make him feel different about doing something so it's better to be his choice.

Sending you big hugs xx

MakeItALarge · 24/09/2012 15:43

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FrenchJunebug · 24/09/2012 17:20

single mum by choice here too. Happy to share my experience. DS is 17 month

preggofabulous · 24/09/2012 18:52

I gave my ex the chance to be involved. He said no, and despite seeing me everyday, has never even asked how baby is. As far as I'm concerned I did my bit, I'm not offering again.

As I mentioned in an earlier post, I think yoyo dads are worse than no dad at all, so I'd never invite him into our lives.

MakeItALarge · 24/09/2012 19:08

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preggofabulous · 24/09/2012 20:27

I understand. It upsets me to think there is already people in the world who resent my baby and who wish he wasn't coming, and I'd love for his dad to want him as much as I do.

The sad fact is these guys don't love them like we do, if at all, and we can't force them to Sad

MakeItALarge · 24/09/2012 20:34

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preggofabulous · 24/09/2012 22:05

Tbh its hell. Every time I see him its like being slapped in the face. I want to scream at him for using me and now abandoning me to raise his son on my own. I want to shout back at him every single lie he ever told me and then rip hum to pieces with my bear hands. Then I'd do the same to her.

But I can't....and what would be the point. He'd still love her and not me. Or our son.

MakeItALarge · 24/09/2012 23:27

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Flumpy2012 · 25/09/2012 12:15

Don't waste your Energy on anger and hatred ladies.

They prefer it when we are angry and stop them being involved as it enables them to justify what they're doing in their heads. It makes us the bad guy! Be sweetness an light and watch what they do - it will totally unarm ten and heaven forbid it might actually make them think.

Hope everyone is well xx