Morally,should I put father on birth certificate?

[sarjose]

My son is 4 weeks old, his father moved out and ended the relationship when I was 8 months pregnant, he seems keen on having a relationship with his son although he hasn't tried to arrange to see him since I told him I would be leaving my house when he comes so that 1. I can move on, it hurts having him come and go and 2.he can spend time with his son without me around.
We made an appointment for last Friday morning to register our son's birth, I text the father about 40 mins before the appointment as I had a feeling he may have forgotten or something, no reply..I went to the appointment myself and the registrar,who was lovely,advised me to think carefully about whether I wanted to put the father on the birth certificate at this point,she said we could add it at a later date if I changed my mind. She made me another appointment for Wednesday and said that not having the father's name on the birth certificate could make mine and my baby's life alot easier in the future. My ex rang after and said sorry but he was asleep! I slammed the phone down on him but he found me walking to my friends.( he took both the cars when he left,so I walk everywhere now). He pulled up and started screaming and shouting at me that I was mental and I told him the wrong time etc,then drove off,I got a text soon after,apologising and saying I had given him the correct time after all. He cannot understand why I need set times for him to come have access,Im still deeply hurt after he left however I dont want it to affect his relationship with his son but surely I have a right to heal without being accused of being mental.I dont contact him,my friends are my support and Im doing ok. He was pretty abusive before I got pregnant, so many incidents with him controlling things I cant even remember most of them,anyway after what the registrar said I am seriously considering registering the baby on my own,is that wrong? There is no way I will get child support off him Im not even going to try,he's rubbish with money and it all goes on his cars.If ex can be named on it in the future should I just see how his behaviour goes before taking that step? Im scared of the repercusions from him if he has a problem with not being on the birth certificate.Also,the only thing I can think of that will have an impact from him being on the BC is that he will have automatic parental responsibility and that freaks me out a bit as he may want to take advantage of that in a bad way in the future if he's angry at me for whatever reason...I don't know what to do??

I wouldn't put him on it...

That is my instinct,to not put him on it,but he will say that I'm doing it out of bitterness and go around telling people that I'm a bad person, I know that this shouldn't matter but I can just see it causing so much sh*t I don't know if I dare....

Don't put him on the birth certificate

In the thread title, you ask if "morally" you should.

On that basis, I'd say, yes. In general, children do deserve to have acknowledgement of both their biological parents no matter how inadequate they may prove as actual parents.

It takes more than a name on a birth certificate to be a parent

I can not believe what the registrar has advised you to do . The baby deserves to have his father's name on the certificate and that is the reason it should be on there.

as long as your child knows who his father is, ie a name, then i wouldn't do it.

my father has never known who his dad is and altho when he was young it didn't affect him, the fact his mum never told him (and is no longer living to ask), has really affected him.

Does putting him on the certificate give him parental responsibility?

If so then morally you should not subject your child to this.

you said he's been controlling in the past sounds like he is trying to control you here as well. totally understand your fear but having PR would give him a lot of control over your child. if he really wants it he can always go to court to get it and that would show his commitment to his child.

it sounds like you are trying to do the best for your child when you are still really hurt and scared. all you can do is give him the chance to have a relationship with his child, if he sleeps through registering his child that is his problem.

stay strong and stick to times for contact. if it becomes unmanegable then you may have to go to court for a contact order. is there a single parents group you can join, it's always good know other people locally in the same position, your health visitor would know.

It's the rights that it will give him that worry me, I have two older children and their fathers and I have always been civil and brought up our children with their best interests at heart. This man, however,I can see problems,my family and friends can see problems and oh I just don't know (and,yes,I know I should have thought of this before having a child with him,but that is another,very long,story)

I do, I just want whatever is best for my son, and right now, I really don't know what that is

Do you think he would go to the trouble of applying for parental responsibility sarjose?

Your child has the right to know both parents.

sugarmousepink my thoughts exactly
imfab i am not disputing that for one second,that was not my question, he will always have access as long as he wants it

corlan no way, his interests are his motors and farming...he has a daughter already and messed her mum about regarding his contact (not turning up,changing times alot etc)all with the view that he had such important things to do they had to come first.(and very convincing) I've just read the book 'why does he do that' and so many lightbulbs went on!

oh and now he's stopped bothering to see daughter as he believes it's just not worth the hassle with the mother

Morally, yes, you should put the dad's name on the BC and you should do it because the child will probably be bothered by the absense of the father's name.

Did you discuss having a child with him before having him, presumably you thought he would be a good father?

we discussed it for 3 years yes,he would have gone for it alot sooner,I put him off for all that time, when it did happen,everything was how it should have been,until I got to 6 months pregnant,when he seemed to disconnect,and at 8 months walked out altogether,I was,and still am,in shock. He would have had you believe it was all he ever wanted...I got fooled.

If I remember rightly, unless he is there at the registrars, you will not be able to put him on as you are not married to him, he has to be physically present. Unless it has changed.