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Lone parents

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Original poster

Dealing with your child's stepmother

243 replies

singleproudmum · 24/01/2011 22:32

My ex and I have 2 small children and he is now married to the woman he left our family for.
Since we split, about 5yrs ago, myself and my kids have had nothing but hassle from this woman, she belittles me to my kids and has little digs at them. I have told my ex how she treats our kids but he doesn't believe me as my children say that she is always nice when their dad's around.

Obviously, I have asked the ex to see the kids without his wife around but he won't hear of it. My kids want to see their dad and the only way they can is if she is there too.

I was hoping for any advice as to how I could get her to stop her snide remarks, why does she hate me and my children when she helped to break my family apart?

Also, I do realise that most stepmum's treat their partner's children well!

OP posts:
MummieHunnie · 28/01/2011 14:11

Ahh so the posters that have come over from stepparents to this thread in lone parents have lied, about you bringing them over, well they really need to give themselves a good long deep look then and speak to their therapists about why they feel the need to chase you around the boards and attack you!

Personally I am not a step so I have only looked in those threads on other sites to see what the hell could have been going through the kids, Dad's partners head really, I wouldn't go looking for trouble on those threads as someone advised you, stay away!

I really don't get why they keep coming back on the long parents board looking for trouble, drama and trying to cause upset, maybe that is how they live day to day in their stepfamilies and don't see anything wrong in that behaviour?!

Original poster
singleproudmum · 28/01/2011 14:12

Ah,Lady Tremaine, your comment was deleted before I saw it. Was you going to offer me an apple?

OP posts:
MummieHunnie · 28/01/2011 14:12

dooh, lone not long!!! grrrrr

Original poster
singleproudmum · 28/01/2011 14:13

And yes my last comment to lady t was a goad as I am fed up with this quite frankly!

OP posts:
MummieHunnie · 28/01/2011 14:14

spm, if you are fed up go and do something that makes you feel good with your time, then?!

Original poster
singleproudmum · 28/01/2011 14:15

Mh, how can I bring people over? have a read of the thread if you wish.

I can't help it if I disagree with people making nasty comments.

OP posts:
MummieHunnie · 28/01/2011 14:20

I DON'T WANT TO READ THE THREAD, it will upset me, why would I want to do that to myself? I was told you brought people over, you say you didn't, who ever is lying needs to look at themselves don't they?

You can help making personal attaks on people, that is something I learned, I had no idea that to say to someone "you are a right pig today" was a personal attack, and that "you are behaving like a right pig today" is not until I learned what emotional abuse was, I had been brought up with emotional abusers and been married to an emotional abuser, so I did not realise, I now do!

You have control over and have to take responsibility for your own behaviour, if you made personal attacks on those ladies, then do the dignified decent thing and apologise for the personal attacks over on that thread, as they should to you!

It is no way to carry on! hark me, I was no angel in the past myself! Blush

MummieHunnie · 28/01/2011 14:26

And all those ladies that made personal attacks on you SPM, they obviously have no idea what emotional abuse is and need to go and have a good hard look at themeseleves and those they spend time with!

Women's aid and therapy can help with that, it is very hard to come out of denial, it protects you!

Original poster
singleproudmum · 28/01/2011 14:32

Well if you don't want to read it that's up to you, but if you don't know who is ganging up on who then how can you advise?

I honestly don't think I have to apologise to anyone personally, however, believe me if I am in the wrong I'm the first person to do so!.
You even mentioned that going into certain forums made you want to cry for the kids or ex's. So can you see where I'm coming from?

IMO the people on these forums just like to make the ex's look bad. I have been on other web sites before and I have lost count of the number of times the word 'psycho' has been used to describe a man's ex. Yes, some ex's can be a pain but I feel many are made out to be far worse than they are.
It seems odd that there are many step women around whose husband has a 'psycho' ex!

Maybe too many women believe what their husbands tell them

OP posts:
MummieHunnie · 28/01/2011 14:42

SPM, if you have integrity and have abused someone by personally attacking them and deleted posts are normally due to personal attacks, although not all, as a human being, no matter who they are even Hitler, then apologise! You will have earned my respect for a starter!

I can tell you anyone who is a decdent human being will respect someone who can apologise and learn from the experience, anyone who uses the apology for their own ends, well you know my opinion about emotional abuse, they are deluded and will twist anything to suit their alternative reality and use it as evidence that they are right Hmm!

If someone wants to make an exp want to look bad, then they or the dp is not willing to take responsibility, and is trying to pass the buck for what ever reason, seriously I think in a lot of those cases it is due to unrecognised emotional abuse, and manipulation! ignornace really! What is really sad is that the same will be done and said about them as has been done to the exw!

If the stepmum had a psycho exp/h, then she is attracted to abusive men, and if she has not had therapy then she has learned nothing, that is her lifescript, that is why I stayed single and worked on myself, can you imagine how they will feel when they come out of denial to realise that they were used by an abuser to abuse another woman and her kids, imagine having to live with that, it is no wonder they prefer denial!!!???

I was foolish and nieve and believed what I was told, I have vowed that I will not put my kids or anyone else's through that again, times are a changing and many people head places like women's aid now a days and deal with it to stopt he cyle for future generations! The thing is when you have been though that you can spot it a mile away in others!

LadyTremaine · 28/01/2011 14:47

I don't even remember what that post said!! Can't think why anything I said would be deleted. Am intrigued!! SOmeone PM me?

Just to clarify MH, I don't beleive anyone said that SPM 'brought us' over here as such. I explained higher up that she had come on to 'stepparents' and was really horrid to us for no good reason, someone else mentioned this thread, but miss quoted what the title was so some of us came over to have a look. That was all.

Thanks for your comments about the abuser thing but with the greatest respect my partner isnt an abuser.. he's a puppy dog. I'm sorry that you had to deal with that but there are good people an dbad and in some of our caeses the baddie is out partners ex.

LadyTremaine · 28/01/2011 14:49

WHY OH WHY OH WHY would anyone go on an anoymous forum to lie and make their partners ex 'look bad' what would be the motivation???!!!

MummieHunnie · 28/01/2011 14:51

LadyT,

You made a personal attack on spm, I reported you and that was why your post was delted!

People who are attracted to abusive people need as much work as abusers, good luck to you!

MummieHunnie · 28/01/2011 14:55

LadyT, abusers twist events and reality and they have the the manipulated who fall for it, the abuser gets off on abusing the exp who is going nuts, trying to prove that the ex is abusing/lying it is classic "crazy making behaviour" due to the abusive cycle, until the victim gets help it will carry on and he gets off on upsetting the new partner and watching the new partner go nuts too... like so many steps do on the threads, all twisted with hatred at the exp etc... with the lies about the ex as it brings the new partner towards the abuser and keeps the ex and the new partner apart, divide and conquer, the new partner will not believe the exp and the abuser wins...

LadyTremaine · 28/01/2011 14:57

Did I? Really? god I must be mad as I have no recollection. It must has been tenuous (sp?)

Wow, thanks for the pshyso analysis though Grin IME of life, abusers are the minority. It is very unlikely that either myself or my partner are abusers.. we are both in our 40s and have light, smiley hearts, are affectionate, live our lives the way that makes us happy and have positive relationships both within our home and out. The only single person either of us have any problem with is his ex...

MummieHunnie · 28/01/2011 14:58

LadyT, did you realise that there are about 1-5 psychopaths/narcacists/psiopaths in every 100 people walking around? They will have ex's and new partners walking around and posting on sits such as this!

MummieHunnie · 28/01/2011 14:59

Often couples do join together in a common cause/goal to stay happy and together!

MummieHunnie · 28/01/2011 14:59

It is called scapgoating, and is a form of emotional abuse!

LadyTremaine · 28/01/2011 15:02

'The abuser' didnt speak a word of ill about his ex for about a year and was happy for me to spend time with her. We met for lunch a couple of times and I had coffee around her house often, the two girls playing together nicely.
What I later discovered is that she is a classic passive agressive and kept up the smiles/ genorosity etc for this time only to litterally have a melt down when she didnt get her own way on one occassion.

When I discussed it with 'the abuser' he said he felt it would have been disrespectful for him to slate the nother of his child to someone who hadn't yet formed an opion on her.

I told him I wished he had have warned me!!!

LadyTremaine · 28/01/2011 15:04

And we share a passion for music, career, city breaks, our children, fine dining... I think we have enough common interest to not have to use her as a bond Grin

MummieHunnie · 28/01/2011 15:04

So why did he marry and have children with a passive agressive person twice?

LadyTremaine · 28/01/2011 15:04

1 - 5? That's 1%-5% right? Pretty big gap... where are these statistics?

Rhadegunde · 28/01/2011 15:05

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MummieHunnie · 28/01/2011 15:05

They are commonly available stat's, between one and five percent of the population, it is scary!

LadyTremaine · 28/01/2011 15:06

Sorry? He has only married once and only had children once.

Are you now telling me I'm a passive agressive? Which is it? Victim of abuse... abuser? passive agressive?

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