Where have all the fit, interesting and available men gone (part 28)

[ninah]

lilac where are you????!

Over hot coals.. barefoot.

I think I'm going to do it.

I may be insane

Ooh that sounds like a laugh actually or maybe i actually am insane

I am looking forward to the boys bedtime tonight to open the wine i wont be getting drunk though as cinema at 10 in the morning.

insane.

Where'd you all go?

No mattsarse last night. He was in a foul mood with life.

Discovered yesterday that a friend (well... part of a group of us) is carrot's ex bil's sister. It was really awkward tbh as we're on sort of opposing teams of the marriage breakdown as Obv she supports her brother.

brackets this evening. Trying to get enthused. He is staying here due to transport (lives middle of nowhere and last train stupidly early) but knows he isn't on a promise. He really was lovely but so "nice". I desperately want oomph.

might cancel. The thought of him HAVING to stay here is crappy tbh.

maybe he was nervous the first time? might be more spark the second time?

So- im feeling abit like i cant be arsed. I do quite like stardust and hes still coming monday, but hes still on the dating site ( and i know there is no reason for him not to be, we have had two dates and not even a proper snog ) But it makes me feel a bit poo. I Know i have huge trust issues ( years and years of cheating ex husband)
I also know i would be insane to say anything. Im not in any kind of a relationship with him, and it shouldnt matter. My logical part of my brain tells me this. The part of my brain which was screwed over time and time again screams ' cancel the date and back out now, its not worth it'

help?????

flame - i dont tink i would be comftable with someone id met once HAVING to stay either.

I think I am going to make up an excuse, that way I can reschedule if I want iyswim.

Feel a bit mean as I know he is looking forward to it, but tbh probably more mean going when I can't be arsed.

Stardust on dating site - from what I can tell people seem to wait til date 3 to stop going on.

i know. im just being silly.
I can see hes been on this morning. i have refrainded from looking for a few days, because i know it pisses me off/makes me feel shite

I can still remember the feeling when i caught my husband on them ( numerous times) and its sort of illogical, but it just brings it back. In fact , it makes me feel the same, which is silly. but i cant help it.

I just keep trying to think that he asked when i was free again after the second date. He said it had been really nice seeing me again.
Hes been the one texting.
So - he is interested, and has done nothing wrong at all.

I have major trust issues, so totally understand where you are coming from.

I've not been interested enough in any other than carrot to care if they have been on since seeing me .

i shouldnt have checked i dont think.
My skin is not thick enough to deal with the consequences.

Its just that i had the lot with ex husband.
Not only was he on numerous dating sites, but also secret email accounts and pics of him having sex with different girls in the emails.
100's of emails to and from girls send when i was in bed or at work.

And that doesnt include all the affairs he had either.. thats just the internet side of it.

Tis also one of the reasons i refuse to get togther with mr big. He still goes on dating websites, but looking for freinds only, suposably.
Makes me feel that i cant trust him. Even though im not with him so he can do what he likes.

Urgh TooK :( That is horrendous. I had no call for lack of trust (until the end prob) but it was never there anyway.

I think that is one of the things that makes the whole Carrot thing so annoying. I trust him.

yes, it is quite bad. Then if you x it for 8 years, continously.
Then factor in leaving me when i was pregnant and was stuck in germany, and he was in teh uk.
Then leaving me again when DD was 20 weeks olf. Leavig me homeless, jobless, in a forgien country.
Then persuading me to get back with him, and then after 2 years of me making sure i could trust me, me giving up my home, job, freinds, family again to go be with him ( and moving 1.5 hours away) for it to last 3.5 weeks before i found out he hadnt even stopped cheating and was at the time ( alghouth there had been a lot of other women too) having an affair with a 17 year old girl. When he was 30.

So, i was yet again, homeless, jobless, friendless and miles away from family.

I dont trust anyone.

So, i cant help but question stardusts motives, or intentions. Cant help it. Stupid, but probably understandable. Obviously, will not say anything to him. But its most likely doomed now, because i feel a bit pants about it. ( even though i know that it not logical)

feel like i need to say i dont go around thinking about it all, all the time. It just sort of comes to the surface occassionally, triggered, no doubt, by stardust having logged onto his site.
Obviously nothing actually to do with stardust, and everything to do with me and my own issues.

just in case i look insane.

also forgot to mention the constant lyiing, i could be holding a picture of him shagging someone else and he would say it wasnt him, even though we could both see it was. OR would say i was delussional, and had gone crazy and was seeing things and that i should see a doctor.When id be holding photographic proof in my hand.

Then add in some domestic abuse, and probably my trust issues all make a little bit more sense ( as well as my analysing and trying to work out peoples intentions)

ANd - ( while im spilling my life story) he used to tell me i was really ugly. And fat, and frumpy and discusting to look at.
Or too clever, so was boring and a square because i liked reading the papers, or debating stuff, or laughed at anything i started, like art or whatever.

essentially he was a knob of the highest order, it just all comes back in a flood of insecurity.
occassionally.

Oh TKFS, I really feel for you. Have been there. My ex used to frequyent dating and sex sites and had several affairs. He told me it was all my fault for being boring, tired and a crap wife.

I have trust issues also. Everytime a hear a divorce story from a new man, they tell me it was either mutual, or not their fault - and you know what, I usually dont believe them. Only once has a man honestly told me he had an affair and it was his fault and he is sorry about what he did

Also, supposed to have a date tomorrow night but havent heard from him in over a week so am assuming its off. Not really bothered TBH. Am far more interested in swapping emails with sailor2.

:( elastamum. its pants isnt it.
Once i had a conversation with somone he was seeing on msn. He had left it logged in and had gone to work.
She said he had told her we were seperated, but we were good friends and it was all fine.
I told her this was not the case. She said she had known him for 3 months and knew he woldnt lie. I told her i had been with him for 6 years ( at that point) and that i could assure her he does lie.
So, she emailed him to tell him his email had been hacked by his ex wife. ( which he had also left logged on) and i replied to that also.

Then we have the wonderful time i got raced off to hospital in an ambulance in germany. After coming out after a week, i log onto the pc to check my emails only to discover that again, hes left himself logged in adn this woman starts talking to him ( or me) saying did i have a nice night out on the piss.... he had told her he was single, his wife had left him and he was out on the piss with his friends, when actaully he was picking me up from hospital.

Apparetnly i totally over reacted and it was harmless fun.

x this sort of behaviour for 8 years.
or actually worse behaviour. I dont even want to think about the kenyan prostitute story, or the ones in geramny.

I totally dont believe most things men say. This is what mr big says, that i dont believe what he says, and i dont.
Its all a bit sad really.

sorry - id think the date is off too. When are you meeting sailor 2?

TKFS really feel for you. When you live with someone like thst you look back and almost cant believe yourself how awful they really were.

Sailor2 hasnt come up with a date of any kind yet. Keep swapping messges on private email, so I know who he is, where he works, etc, etc. Has asked me what I am up to this weekend, he would love to see where I live, but hasnt actually suggested a date FGS.

Am wondering if he is just up for wasting my time. Or more likely dating lots of different women at the same time

or shy???
but like you id think he was dating lots of people, or that would be my automatic assumption.
How long have you been emailing for?

Nope- i can not believe how awful it was really. Im glad i finally left. God knows why i put up with it for so long.Its not even like i have self condifence/self esteem issues. i dont. At all. ( proably too much the other way) i just dont trust men at all now and am automatically suspicious.

Cant imagine he is shy given the job he does. He did say he wants to take things slowly as he has had a couple of short relationships with the wrong people and doesnt want to do same again. God knows what that means!!

Have been messaging each other for about 3 weeks now. Am going to send a couple more then if he doesnt suggest a date will ask him outright. Nothing ventured...

tkfs - it's easy to say, but stardust isn't your ex - i know these issues take a huge amount of time and energy and your (my!) brain runs away with itself - but it's harmful - really it is. stardust has done nothing wrong, you know this :) it's past experience dictating future thought - which is how things do tend to go in cycles i think.

you know you're bright and clever and funny and have so much to offer the right person. :)

right. updated okcupid profile. note that platonic friend had a nosey at me. shall clearly have to have mention this tonight when/if we're going out for beers as planned - as he's told me off for looking at his guardian profile. (admitted i'd looked at it once, by accident as he popped up on a search..)

oh and the kids dad is here for the weekend. moping around, trying to get in my knickers.

Tut, just got out the bath before, towel round me, hair in turban when I heard a knock at the door. Opened my bedroom window and pwhaoooor! Lovely young man, selling something probably. Said it wasn't convenient, he laughed in agreement the said he would come back. Hope he does could do with some new dusters .

Just thought I'd share, god my life is dull atm.