Where have all the fit, interesting and available men gone (part 28)

[ninah]

lilac where are you????!

i think i agree with lilac, tookool. you've known him how long? it could easily slip your mind that it's his birthday tomorrow, given you have lots to be getting on with and it's not like he's that important. Of course, if he does text you back tonight, we can revise our understanding of this. :) at your four months or so of celibacy. I'm on 16. i swear there are cobwebs up my foofoo.:)

Also forgot to say Tookool re wanting someone to fall for you straight away. I think there is a happy medium. You know what they say if a guy declares undying love for you in the first few weeks run for the hills. Much better to have someone attentive but cautious at the same time.

oh and don't turn your phone off, just put it out-of-sight-out-of-mind. then have a bath or a shower, eat some chocolate, drink some wine(not too much! drunken thumbs make for idle texting!) and watch crappy saturday night telly. distraction is the key!

oh, i know that. im just being silly.
Id just like to miss all the begining bit really, and know where i stand.

eve - yep the tedious rital. Good luck! lol
id rather meet someone in day to day life too. Sadly i come across zero men in my day to day life. And my very small circle of friends are all mums who dont go out.

4 months seems a bloody age ( i actually thought it was longer) 16 months must be awful!! do you not just want to have a ONS or something?

I met a perfect lovely guy in real life who I really strated to fall for before Xmas but he has just gone back to his XG (we had a snog but were really just friends)

Don't shoot me down with flames but I do have a friend with benefits who I see regularly so I don't get tempted to have a ONS when its been too long! Never thought I would have a FWB but here I am

Also I do sometimes wait ages before I text back Took mainly because I am trying to think of a whitty response so don't discount him too quickly

but hes not waited this long to reply before........

i dont even think its worth me even considering that i will hear from him again at this point.
If i do it will be a suprise.

I shall text him happy birthday tomorrow, because im nice. and then that will be that.

Ive replied to several match emails, one of which has asked me out. so as eve says.. back on the tedious ritual.

cant pretend im not sad though.

I do kind of want a ONS, but i know i'd feel horrible when the sex-glow wore off- i have a flirty text thing with a colleague, where i've compared a ONS to a quick nibble at a viscount biscuit and the emotional 'proper' 'makin' lovvvvve' with someone you're emotionally connected to as a cream filled victoria sponge. I'd have to brush my teeth repeatedly after the viscount. ;) plus, i'd be thinking about someone else andit's not really de rigeur to burst into tears halfway through a shag ;)

That's a really good analogy. I had a fb situation I'm the summer but I had to stop it as I realised I didn't even like him. Was ok for a week or two though.

Still feel crap. My match subscription runs out in about 10 days and I shan't renew it. Ill have a few months break. Which means no chance of meeting anyone at all. But I don't think I can cope with constant rejection.

Agree that the rejection is crap. Pleaseed you don't seem to think bad of me about my FB. It is someone I have known for years who I adore & fancy but we wouldn't work in a relationship.

I went on a date this afternoon. He was lovely but just didn't fancy him which is a shame as he made me laugh just no 'spark'.

Hope he replies Took as he seemed really promising

Zany, nowt wrong with FWB, I have a couple .

16 months is nothing - is closer to 2 years in my case!

I did the ONS thing in my youth, which never bothered me at the time because I never felt that emotional connection thingy with anyone so it didn't make any difference, it was always just sex. I wouldn't want to do it now, I just feel too old :)

I possibly wouldn't say no to a FB/FWB but I don't know anyone who would fit the bill.

Tookool, am also hoping he replies.

he isnt going to.

I knew last night, soon as he said that it would be difficult to arrange things this week, but could i be free a weekday.

Then he said goodbye and kissed my forehead.

Which, though lovely and sweet, is not the action of someone really into you is it.

nor is not replying to a text asking if you want to come over one evening.

Hes really not going to reply.

i wouldnt mind another FB type thing, as long as i actually liked them this time.

FB doesn't really work for me either, i just end up getting emotionally attached...

tookool :( stuff his bloody birthday wishes then! bloody men! pfffft!

hatesponge, i absolutely get that - i had tons of ONS in my youth, fun at the time, fills me with terror now that i am old and saggy! Do like the slightly competitive nature of enforced celibacy!
'it's been four months!',
'four! that's nothing! i've been 16!'
'16?!?! pfft!try two years!'
two years!! that's nothing! etc etc :) :)

lol. Yes. Its is a bit funny.

Got another date set up. Lord knows why. Just need to firm up details.

Also started re chatting ( becuase i hadnt replied to his last message a week ago) to this guy. Very quickly remember why i didnt reply. Hes 34 and lives at home ffs. The he says hes going to be brave and ask me my name... ffs!!! I am not that desperate yet. I went out with a shy man once. In fact he was the FB, it was awful. I only did it because i wanted a shag, but it was like shagging a fumbling teenager.

Dogman is up... i know this as im still being a bit of a stalker and checking that hes logged it. ( yes, i know, but ill do it for a few days...) So, i am still going to send a happy birthday text. because im a nice person.

Well done tookool, keep smiling...we've all been there!

i dont know about smiling.
just sent birthday text.
just said ' morning, hope you have a very happy birthday'

shall now wait for about 10 mins and then am going to get up, shower and get on with my day. If i waited any longer to text id be thinking about it all day. This way, ill just feel upset all day.

You know, its probably not even upset at him. Its just upset because im fed up of being on my own, and for a few short days i was a little excited that i might get even a fling.

Its just all bollocks isnt it. When i first seperated from my husband people said ' you dont feel like it now, but you will find someone else and be happy'
But i wasnt interested for about 9 months really.
I had a few internet dates, they were rubbish.
Everyone said ' you need to be complete in your life first, be happy without someone, build a whole, exciting life'
So i did. I made a few new friends, i go out and about. i do thins. Have i even been chatted up once, no.
I had a few more internet dates, i think it was about 8 in the summer. All rubbish. One i quite liked who never called.
I thought fuck them.
Friends tell me they think im fab, or wish they were me. Ive a friend writing a book about me. Im confident, and outgoing and love life.

None of this has helped. Id just quite like a cuddle in my bed. I think thats why im a bit sad and upset, not actually at him. |Does that make sense.

Makes perfect sense.

I've got Matt (the personal trainer) coming round this evening after Carrot goes. Tea, hugs and some arms to fall asleep in is the plan. he's as fed up of missing that as I am. He was originally meant to be a tart that would make a perfect fb but he is seeming more sweet the longer we talk.

Makes perfect sense.

I've got Matt (the personal trainer) coming round this evening after Carrot goes. Tea, hugs and some arms to fall asleep in is the plan. he's as fed up of missing that as I am. He was originally meant to be a tart that would make a perfect fb but he is seeming more sweet the longer we talk.

Yeah makes sense to me too. I don't need a man in my life for the kids as they have a Dad, I don't need a man to provide for me, to do DIY or to 'fill up my time'. But I would like a man in my life to cuddle up to (and sex ), laugh with, cook dinner for etc

And me. Really miss having someone to cuddle with, especially since the DSs are getting too old now to willingly let me cuddle them much!

least its not just me. Having a full and exciting life doesnt mean you dont want a shag or a cuddle or some affection does it.

Lord knows what people are thinking when they give out this advice. To be honest, i think its bullshit. Im almost convinced that being really confident and having done a lot of things scares a lot of men off.. im sure they feel intimidated.

Have joined the dreaded pof again.

dogman hasnt replied. so is really not worth spending any more time thining about. Time to move on. I supose i had a nice day last week, and a nice evening friday. So it wasnt all bad.

( i say, while saying, bastard, through gritted teeth)

:)

tookool, I've been called intimidating so I get where you're coming from there. I think the right man won't find it intimidating though, but will be proud of what you have achieved and respect you all the more for it. If he can't hack it, you can do better.

I spent the last ten years of my 13 year marriage without any love or affection, and I can only remember two times that he told me he loved me. Both of those were after I had told him it was over. I've had endless cuddles from my DDs but it is not the same as being in the arms of a man who adores you. I'd forgotten what that feels like until a few weeks ago.

I always hated the expression 'my other half' because I thought it was a bit pathetic and each of us is our own person, there are no parts missing. I get it now, though...there's an emptiness when TLOML isn't around.

he replied.

thanks tookoolforskoool

And he has said.....