Where have all the fit, interesting and available men gone (part 28)

[ninah]

lilac where are you????!

but he did text me twice after our date last night... so, cant see why he wouldnt reply.

no. cant be into me. I just logged into match and can see him online.
So hes up and awake and not replied.

Which isnt good at all.
This is why dating is shit. You get all excited about something and then it turns out to be nothing.

I think you need to have really thick skin to do this, i really do. And i dont think my skin is quite thick enough.

Or he is waiting to reply to you. Or his phone is charging somewhere. Carrot informs me that not everyone is physically attached to their phone

Safety net is exactly it!!! Sex or no is irrelevant in this scenario in all honesty. Sex was just sex with us so hasn't really had a bearing. He is the only man I have felt an instant trust with. I can be a bitch around/to him and I know he won't go anywhere but he will argue back (which i need). He "gets" me. But in reality we are the same person. As much as that makes for an amazing connection as a relationship it would probably mean not enough friction and die.

Me and Download are working out what to do. Have told him my brain and body are in it but my heart is a bit messed up.

no. He would have replied.
I could tell at the end of the date anyway, depsite this kiss, which is why i felt a bit meh.

At least you got some though :) i just really want a shag. With somone i fancy.
Who fancies me.

I totally agree with you. Its such a similar situation.
I feel like i just want to jump into a relationship where its already established though, you know. Skip all the dating, not knowing whats going on part. And i want to have someone around, to laugh with, and be with. Who i can wear my skanky jogging bottoms around, or who still loves me when i look awful in the morning. Someone who actually cares how i am, who i can share my life with.
I want days out, and fun days at home, and giggling on the sofa, bickering about the remote control :)
I want to go on holiday with somone not just my child and me. I want to be a couple, and i might even want another child ( and ive not even realised that till the other day. Because it was easier to pretend i was totally ok with how things are)

but its hard to keep putting yourself out there and getting rejected. ( noone likes that), so its easier to stay in the safety net of mr big. But then that doesnt actually make me happy either, and is actually just holding me back.

am off to cry and seak solice in some chocolate i think.

tookool, don't write him off yet. I had no idea what lay ahead with my bloke after date 2, then date 3 came and everything changed. He knew that I hadn't been on more than three dates with anyone, so had laughed about it. We never kissed properly until the very end of the third date, then it snowed and his flight got cancelled so the very next night he came round to mine and stayed over. He says he really fell for me that night, and it was wonderful. That was a Friday, and the next time I saw him was the following Thursday which was just before Christmas. We spent the night in a hotel and I realised I had fallen in love with him.

If you'd asked me after the second date what I thought of him, I couldn't have anticipated how things would turn out. He was on Lovestruck regularly up until our third date then we both deleted our profiles (mine had been hidden for a few weeks anyway). Neither of us met anyone new after we met each other for the first time.

Perhaps you did raise your expectations too high, but if he's not feeling that great then be patient and try not to read too much into it.

flame...tell us more, what happened last night?!

Dropped TLOML off at Terminal 5 this morning and won't see him until my next childfree night on Thursday At least he gets to spend the weekend with his DD, could never begrudge him that.

maybe. Last saturday he didnt reply for hours either, as he has his daughter.

Tomorrow is his birthday, so weather he replies or not i shall text him tomorrow ( maybe not quite so early) happy birthday.

And then just leave it at that. The ball is in his court.

But he was the one that made all the moves first last night. If he wasnt interested he wouldnt have done that?

Tookool, I get entirely how you feel. I typed a really insightful (for me anyway!) long post but then refreshed it without hitting post so now will try and reproduce it...

basically what I was going to say is that I met someone last year (WM - who I may have mentioned once or twice before on this thread :) ) and we had an instant rapport - it didnt ever happen between us, not sure why as i really do think there was an attraction there, but I find now that I'm expecting that rapport with someone else and if its not there from the start I cant be bothered. hence why i'm not really pursuing the whole match thing, its just easier to dismiss guys than go to the effort...i suppose cos part of me thinks its shouldnt be an effort, iyswim.

If I'm dating someone, I want to know from the start how they feel. I don't want declarations of love, I just want them to be honest that they like me, find me attractive etc - there's only once I've not had that awful waiting for someone to call feeling, and that was because he had said how much he liked me, I felt i knew how he felt, and I wasnt trying to second guess, so I knew he would call, i never had to worry about it.

I have the baby thing at the moment as well. Always have tbh, I knew years ago I wanted a 3rd DC but I always thought I had time. Now I realise I'm 39 this year and I probably don't have time. Which is a bit :( but I know I should be thankful I have my 2 DSs. And I am. But I guess I'm greedy

I don't know the answer. Wish I did tho! I'm still hoping WM might knock on my door (though hopefully not right now when I'm in PJs with no make up and bed hair!) because its easier to wish for that than try finding someone online which I do find really hard work, and am not convinced is for me anyway!

Very insightful posts all. I feel exactly the same. Dating sucks.

When I first met radioman, he txt me before he got home, rang the nxt day and arranged nxt date and was really keen to introduce me to his friends. Spent a day together where I cooked him dinner. Then he cooked me dinner at his, we spent the night with together, then nothing. 2 weeks on I get the 'too busy for a relationship' line.

Am sick of meeting seemingly nice men, who seem keen and make an effort - have had a few with 4 or 5 dates, seem to be going well - then nothing. Have come to the conclusion that there are a lot of 40 something men out there just looking to have a bit of excitement maybe get a shag and move on. Think I must have mug stamped on my forehead

elasta :( at the moment, i think i'm going to indulge in a lot of reading and comfort-eating crisps!

I'm really picky. really so when i meet someone i like i blow it out of all proportion. I can't sleep with someone unless i have a mental connection with them and by the time thats established, they've started to view me as frigid or mate-material. :)

tookool - let's go for 'reasonable explanation' shall we? i do this as well, i growl at my phone if someone doesn't reply - does no good. fortuitious that he's got a birthday tomorrow though :) I'd leave it until mid-afternoon and then ask if he's had a good day so far? then it's a question, ellicits a response.(christ, I'm such a cynical old hand at this lark!)

well, at least its not just me then. I thought maybe i was just rubbish and you all were all so carefree and unbothered by it all.

Thats what it is, i want to know from the start, but you cant really go round saying that to people, and in fact they dont know how they feel and neither do you. So that makes no sense at all. lol

elastamum - 4 or 5 dates then nothing? are you not really pissed off by then? id be quite disheartned i think. I think i would automatically assume by 4 or 5 dates that it was sort of going somewhere, you know?

and actually, i do quite like dogman. and ill be a little bit gutted if i dont see him again.

snape - thats a good idea.
well done :)

im probably just being silly about nothing.

He made the first move in the cinema. He put his hand on my thigh, and it stayed there the whole film. Lots of leg feeling/squeezing/rubbing ( had the desired tingly effect) combined with hand holding, interlocking fingers etc...

After the cinema, he put his arms round me. After the pub he did it again.

This kiss was probably 50/50.
I cant have messed it all up in the space of a kiss can i?

I text him thanks and he said it had been a really good film choice and he was dosing himself up and hoped it was going to avoid being too ill. I texted back that i hope it woldnt ruin his birhtday and then he replied again saying it wouldnt and he'd just pass the germs onto his friends anyway! and he hoped i wouldnt catch it off him

I didnt reply till this morning but just loled, said that im sure they would love him for that!, and that im sure i wouldnt catch it and would he fancy coming over one evening?

I cant have blown it. He did say it was difficult this week, but might i be free in the week.
So, what i texted wasnt totally out of the blue?

Basically im just asking you lot if ive behaved desperate or weird. So that i know if i dont hear from him again, its him and not me.

Yes TKFS, that is the problem, after 2 or 3 dates I kind of assume that they might like me back!! It does nothing for my self esteem.

It is getting me down. One even took me out to dinner and proceeded to tell me how he had just met a lovely girl. FFS!! I think he had decided I was his best mate. He then offered to take me and the kids out for a day climbing - I declined

Now I am supposed to be going to a ball tonight with a really nice man so I will get off the internet, put on my positive head and get packing.

Have a good evening all

TKFS, you are doing absolutely fine. just hang in there

So glad to read some of your posts Took and Snape as its exactly how I feel. I can't be doing with all this dating shit, does he like me, will he phone etc. Would rather just be in a relationship where we both know where we stand, ie crazy about each other. I amhappy being on my own with my 2 DC's but would like to be with someone (and regular sex if I'm honest

I feel nervous about a date in case I will really like him and he doesn't feel the same (like my neighbour but thats another story)

zany, the trouble is that 'all this dating shit' is one of the only routes to being in a relationship. I guess the alternative is arranged marriage, which would you prefer?!

Has still not replied.
:(

Am sad and feel a bit hurt.

I had convinced myself on the whole safety net thing and it'd be crap if it happened... then he text me and my heart grinned :( Must Move On.

So. Last night. I am in the same hormone phase as when the carpenter happened btw... We'd been on msn talking about stuff. Discussed that the date went well but he'd wussed out of kissing me. Then i said I was going to curl up with a dvd. He offered company. I said sure but my clothes would be remaining on... yeah. um. yeah.

True Lilac you have to go on the dates to see if you like someone enough to have a relationship with them.

He did seem keen though Took in that he texted you after the second date, surely he wouldnt do that if he wasn't interested. Some guys are just crap at replying

tookool - it's fine - you didn't sound like a loon at all. :) just hide your phone in your knicker drawer and ignore until 2PM tomorrow. :)

Zany, i get that entirely - i guess part of the 'fun' is the butterflies and expectation, but it's taking such a lot out of me at the moment, that i just don't want to do it right now. I'll maybe feel different in a week or two, but i have to lick my wounds of yet more rejection and duck out for a bit. I'm strong, but i'm not completely invincible :)

Male friend and i are fine now, a few texts today, we'll hopefully get together later in the week for a meal. Think the hand holding and cuddling on the sofa will have to stop though -it's confusing me and if we're 'just' friends is inappropriate.

I don't get the butterflies UNTIL i fall for them I have now realised

nope. he has been back on the dating site again. I can see when hes logged in.

Im not going to make excuses. If he had wanted to reply. he would have replied wouldnt he.

Simple as.

This is what happens, i think something is going well ( he made all the moves) and so, i put myself out and show some feelings/interest and immediatley it backfires. Or at least, thats how it feels.

Snape - totally understand how you feel about needing to lick wounds of more rejection. Its what, the 15th of the first month of the year , and ive been rejected twice already!!!!

flame, i dont blame you at all. In fact im jeajous. Ive not had a shag since august and even that was a crap one.

cant decide if i should text him happy birthday and just be rejected yet again.
or, if it would be mean not to.

tookool, I think turn your phone off until tomorrow lunchtime. If he's responded, reply to him and wish him a happy birthday. If not, put it down to experience, log in to the site and keep looking.

It's what I used to do when I was driving myself mad checking my phone! I still sometimes get that 'Why hasn't he texted me yet?' feeling, but I'm much better at keeping it in perspective now...after all, I haven't heard from TLOML for about three hours now but the most recent text said 'I love you xxx' so I'm not worrying!

Its a little bit different though isnt it. When you have text someone who your actually seeing, and you know they are just busy or whatever... rather than, you have invited someone over, who you just snogged for the first time last night, and they are ignoring you.

I dont usually need constant affimation, lol. Its just as above, inivted him over, having just snogged and hes ignoring me. which is not all that nice.

Cant really turn phone off either as what if there is a problem and somone needs to get in contact with me.

I posted a long message before but it went offline. Was saying I hate the whole messaging thing, then going to meet someone on mutual ground. I've met that many I'm running out of places. Also they guys are constantly messaging wanting to meet up then either buggar off once they actually see me once or twice. Grrr!!! No more constant messaging then, they are already looking for someone else.

Would much rather meet someone in day to day life, e.g go out with friends and come across someone who likes you etc. Seems more real and easier.

Saying all this, just started messaging someone new Here we go again with the same tedious ritual.