Where have all the fit, interesting and available men gone (part 27)

[ninah]

part 27? good god

and (d)b had previously said that he would think about it but now won't do it on grounds that i had cut him off phone after saying sis was rude. am gonna lose the new house and 260 referencing fee.

@ flame - not sure but all I can say is that it has taken me the best part of 40 years to have any belief in the way I look ... and that's mainly because people keep telling me how gorgeous my dd is ... and how much she looks like me - I either had to develop some self worth ... or start thinking she was ugly!

And have to say that I have started taking more effort with grooming and looking good - not for anyone else but for me and find it does make a difference.

And am jealous of TLM too ... and Liam .... just want to be secure and not feel (and act) like a lovestruck teen ... I now remember why I hate the whole dating/relationship thing and why I've avoided the whole bloody crap for so long. It's because I'm so bad at dealing with the whole shebang ... get my knickers in a twist when tbh, there's really nothing to get worked up about!

And I really hate the whole will he/won't he call thing!

flame - I've been there, my Ex never told me I was pretty (in fact most of the time he used to tell me the opposite :( ) It's taken me a long time to feel happy with myself, and realise I have to think I'm attractive, and that I am (if that makes sense). I do get compliments from men, but they are of the 'you're sexy' variety. have only ever had one man (theonewhobrokemyheart) who said I was beautiful. I've always had more compliments from women than men...dont know what that says about the men I know!

Lou - as ever words fail me re your Exh . Hope DD is enjoying her birthday in spite of him.

kdk - I know what you mean, it is all hassle, but potentially exciting hassle iyswim. I think in some ways its a grass is always greener situation - now I want the will he/wont he call thing, because I have nothing going on manwise....if I had that I know I'd be thinking it was all too much of a pain and would rather nothing at all (contrary, me?!) Just go with the flow, don't overthink - this is from the queen of overthinking. But as I say to the DSs all the time, this is a case of do as i say, not as i do

aurora - am :( re the house; I apologise I don't know much about guarantors etc but is there no help you could get from housing dept etc, surely there has to be some system in place for people who don't have family members/friends who can act as guarantor. If you haven't already is it worth speaking to CAB/Benefits office etc - forgive me if you've already done this or it doesnt solve the problem. I really hope you find a way round it somehow tho - will keep my fingers crossed for you.

Aurora, sorry to hear that - how shit for you :(

Can I ask where you are based? If its in Edin I can suggest some agencies/groups who might be able to help.

If not, I'm sure there's an organisation which helps with deposits/acts as guarantor. Maybe try posting in chat to see if anyone knows?

Good luck.

sponge - theer is deposit board in my area but they only help single people with deposits, not helpful to me on either count. am going to cab next week, see what happens there. thanks though.

janos - am near bristol. have thread running in chat but no-one knows much other than local cab have to go get dd in bed, she's a-calling. will post more later.

apologies for spelling mistakes

have you tried posting on legal - someone there might be able to help?

arrrgghh my last post didn't erm, 'post'

mz- i hadn't thought of that so thank you

I need some advice. Ages ago I had a message on POF of a very nice looking younger man. He lived miles away and I passed his details onto one of our older posters, who lived near him, she wasn't old but more his age. She said that she'd already been in touch not sure if she got a response. Did get chatting to him, he admitted to being into older women and he added me on fb and msn.

He disappeared from my fb, must have deleted me as I very rarely delete. Logged into msn the other night without realising as I don't use it nowadays and he said hi so I chatted briefly. His msn surname is different from the one he had on fb, bit weird I thought.

Since then I was gobsmacked that he has made friends on fb with one of my friends, she is someone who I worked with about 30 yrs ago and has since moved away. She is a bit younger than me but still an older woman to him. I thought it was an incredible coincidence but then noticed that he is using a different surname again. So I've known him by 3 different names, same first name.

I can only assume that they have met on POF as she lives along way from him too.

WWYD, do you think I should

A Say nothing
B Tell her about the different names
C Ask him why he changes surname

She might be planning to meet him, I never did, for obvious reasons but have chatted via webcam a couple of times and he is the handsome young man in the photo. Does he sound a bit dodgy? She is someone that I have chatted to on fb but haven't seen her for many years.

Thanks for reading.

i knew someone who had been using 2 different surnames but 3?? i would mention something to her not sure how you could word it though, sorry

mz- have posted in legal, not good news though

maybe chat to her, and say what a coincidence 'you know x smith' using the surname you know him by, when she says 'no, he's x jones' - you can comment that no it's definitely smith ... and then say how odd, he seems to use diff names at diff times, what is that all about? Then ball's in her court if she wants to call him on it ....

that's a better idea eve, i would sooner use mz's suggestion than mine

That strikes me as rather odd eve.

Why would you be using different surnames..?

Hope you can get something sorted with the flat aurora, sorry your family are being so shit. I will keep my fingers crossed for you.

thanks janos. it's only a 2ned back to back so smaller than where we are now but it's more affordable

I think I will start a fb conversation along those lines, might be a difficult one to have though as she will have met him on a dating site and could be embarrased about it. He might be using a different surname because he is hiding the fact that he meets women on the net from his RL friends, after all he deleted me but is happy to keep me on msn.

That could be a plausible explanation, perhaps he's not dodgy and I should leave it.

thank you everyone she has had a good day despite me still not being 100%, dd2 a bit off colour and the behaviour of her father

before xmas he had told her that he wanted to meet her in town and take her for lunch to pizza express (his choice), which she was really happy about and looking forward to, and it was arranged for friday

i kept quiet about my reservations wrt him actually following through on it, seeing as it was instigated by him

anyway today he texts me to tell me to get dd to call him, but i just told him to call her on my phone instead (am fed up being the one who pays for his contact with them and imo a few mins on the phone today wouldnt break the bank), which he did

but he then proceeded to tell her that he had changed plans and would not be taking her out , instead he wanted her to go to his for a few hours without the others, as he had no money

she told me about it afterwards of course, but i could tell by her reaction at the time that he was letting her down, and of course her being her, she isnt the type to say anything but ok, its ok, to him

anyway she got off the phone , after asking if he wanted to speak to the boys, and him refusing because he was paying the call charge , and as she was telling me what he had said she started crying, but trying not to iyswim, because she said she felt guilty for wanting to do what he had promised

she then said she didnt want to go to his, because that is no different to when he does see them, aside from the fact she would be on her own with him, and would have no kids to talk to, and he was likely to end up on his laptop while she was there, or they would run out of things to say

she also said it was also because his house was dirty and everytime she has eaten there, she has had to ask for a clean plate/cup/cutlery, or rewash them because they are always filthy, and if she said anything to him he got cross

so she really didnt want to sit there on her own with him eating from his dirty things (this i can vouch for as i have now started sending stuff fro them to eat and drink off, and last time i did, the bowls were so filthy and covered in grease and oil after he had washed up, i had to wash them again when we got home, plus all the bedding and clothes they took with them reeked too), and i can totally see her pov tbh

so we had a cuddle and a chat and i told her that she didnt have to do anything she didnt want to, as it was about her, not him, and i would deal with it if she didnt want to go

so she told me she didnt want to do it but was worried he would get cross and felt bad, but i told her not to, and emailed her father to say she didnt want to go to his, so what about just meeting her in town for a hot chocolate instead?

he replied with a long whine about how he had no money and he had spent everything he had on buying food for the afternoon instead, and started on about how much debt he has because of me etc, how he left with nothing and i had all the assets , v boring and wrong btw

i told him if he knew he wasnt able to afford it then he shouldnt have suggested it, and he shouldnt have gone ahead and spent money on new plans without checking it was ok with her

i also told him i wasnt interested in his finances, that cos if him i went bankrupt for a lot more than he reckons he is saddled with, and he could surely meet her for a bit without lunch in town

apparently not, he doesnt even have the bus fare to get in and out

so what i ended up saying, despite wanting to say fuck right off you useless waste of space, try getting a job, was that we were meant to go into guildford tomrorow so she could spend her birthday money, and if we do will drop by briefly to get the present he says he has for her

not that i will be going into his place and socialising

i will wait in the car

and to make up for his lack of everything, i ended up agreeing to take her for dinner with the rest of us on fri night instead, which is gonna be painful on my bank balance, but i dont want him leaving a bad memory of her birthday

sorry about the length of this post btw

we made a death by chocolate birthday cake together for her though, and i bought some weak ready mixed bucks fizz to celebrate with, and she got some nice gifts from us anyway, so hopefully there has been enough damage limitation done

ffs though that man is beyond words

to promise something knowing he cant fulfil it and then just decide unilaterally to change the pllns and expect it to be ok, for her birthday

no apology needed lou

i would definitely say something to her eve

probably along the lines of how did she know him and your own experiences of him, and i would also mention his multiple name use too

lou, sorry for your DD and perpetually crap exH.

Hello to everyone else, just passing through briefly, got back from my mum's this evening. Sounds like most had a good xmas and I'm looking forward to updates from the new year dieters :)

New man's new year plans have been cancelled and I have five nights to myself (supposedly for getting stuff from old classroom organised and planning lessons etc for new job) but he says since we have the opportunity he would like to take me away for new year. Seems churlish to say no, doesn't it? If I stay up most of tonight I can get things done . Dubai has been mentioned, as has New York, but since exH proposed to me at top of Empire State Building can't say NY holds happy memories for me - the rest of the relationship never lived up to that initial promise!

Don't apologise for that post lou, christ what a twat. Why indeed doesn't he get a f'in job instead of lying around in his own filth feeling sorry for himself?

At least DD2 will have some good memories of her birthday thanks to you. Death by chocolate cake sounds scrummy.

I was going to have a friend up for new year, but she's cancelled on me...again . TBH I was expecting it so hadn't arranged stuff; just as well.

lilac - wow, that sounds fab! enjoy your break :)

ooh lilac how lovely

i can recommend prague for a ny break, i went there at that time for my 40th and it was lovely

go lilac, go!!

Flights booked for Dubai - tomorrow night til Monday pm! Any ideas for how I explain mysteriously-acquired suntan to DDs who don't know anything about new man?

lol no sorry

was tlkaing to lou on fb, she mentioned say it was spray tan!