Am I being too fussy?

[salizchap]

OK, after the passing of yet another waste of space relationship, I have put a new profile on POF in the ever unrealistic optimistic hope of atracting mr right.

Is it me? 4 men have contacted me recently. Although I specifically say on my profile that I only want to date locally, the first man lives 200 miles away. The second just looks miserable and doesn't smile in any of his 10 pics. The third is unattractive and only writes 2 lines in his profile. The fourth is ok in his pic but his ortography, spelling and punctuation is awful.

None has an interesting or well paid job (full time student, lorry driver, shop worker, unemployed). I would like, for a change, date a professional man who might be able to treat me occasionally, especially as a lone parent I struggle to make ends meet. I am fed up of landing blokes who are worse with finances than me and just make my life more complicated.

Am I expecting too much? Am I being a job snob?

Just text and say tonight is still on. Does he live in the sticks? I have so many friends who have poxy signal out here. I imagine he just wants to know what's going on. I'd give him the benefit of the doubt

hi Boo, good time last night?

Yes, he is in the sticks. I did text him that tonight was ok, he replied with have a good day, I replied you too....just got message that his day just got better, obviously because we are meeting...am I just not used to guys being nice/keen or should I be worried?

Are you use dto being treated badly? Not badly necessarily, but not appreciated? I was a bit taken aback at how often we text each other at first, but now I love it. It shows he's thinking of me. You should know a bit more by tonight I would say. My problem, that all of my friends agreed with it has to be said, is that I am far far too cynical. Once I let that guard down a bit it was a bit of a relief tbh

I spent last night in wiht a cold unfortunately. Night out has been switched to next Friday. Man was out with his friends last night and bumped into my best friend he met a few weeks ago and apparently they discussed it (presumably while both a bit tipsy so will need to actually confirm this )

aww, hope you feel better soon...laugh at him bumping into your bf, sounds like it was fun though. Any Christmas plans with new guy yet?

Yes, not been treated too well/appreciated in the past, as you say, will know more tonight,

Gettign excited Jaqui?

well I'm back. He is a very nice bloke, bought dinner and drinks,good conversation, lots of laughs but no spark for me at the moment. Can that happen with time? He wants another date but is not at all pushy.

Have been having a read Jacqui. If you like someone you like them almost straight away I would say. Not worth it to keep trying if your heart isn't in it. Your reaction to his text/phone calls/msn after the first meeting should tell you how you feel.

I've been on a few internet dates and have only met one or two who would make my heart skip when they follow the first date with messages, the others made my heart sink!

eve, thanks for your reply. Wondering if I am just a bit too cynical/jaded for this internet dating....ponders buying cats and purple outfit tomorrow.

Join the club. The last one I met I liked from the off, was fretting until he sent me a message and jumped at the chance to see him again. The second date went wrong as I messed up the train times and had to spend the night at his, had a very nice time but he obviously was after one thing and that was the end of that. Was just gobsmacked that I liked him as there hadn't been a 'spark' with others I'd met on the sites. Will know next time.

I was mortified and have given up internet dating, for a while anyway.

Hate it when that happen, the one guy I REALLY liked went back to his ex.

Probably just as well the Christmas is round the corner, good distraction.

See, I would give it another go. But I have taken my cynical hat off. Fwiw, I have never felt the spark straight away, I seem hardwired to have to get to know someone first, and then fall for them. It took us a month to even have a kiss for goodness sake!

I started in a thread in chat about this...dating and the spark. Have decided to go on another date, I think I need to take the cynical hat off and just go with it as well Boo.

Well ,I went on Guardian site - there are some lovely "intellectual" men on there but just been dumped after one year by man I met on the site. Needless to say, he was a penniless artist/dreamer who couldn't handle his kids and my kids and I would have had to have moved to his village (middle of nowhere, 75 miles away), sold my house and moved job (as he didn't really have either) to make it work. I give up too. And so many men (even the seemingly nice ones) use all of these sites for serial relationships i.e. just to have sex with attracitve, strong women. Argghhh!

The Guardian site isn't for me, too high brow!

Internet dating must be fantastic for men if they are presentable and can give the impression of being nice and 'genuine'. They must have a field day on there, wheras us strong women are hoping for a fulfilling relationship with them .

exactly!

But you had a relationship with this man for a year? I can't see how you can't have known what he was really like?

I know, I know. He was very kind and gentle and he was a good dad - apart from the fact that he didn't pay his kids any money because he didn't earn enough. Then I gradually realised that he wouldn't get any job - it had to be a job that was worthy of him. Then I realised that he was never going to leave his rural retreat - which I loved by the way - but it was going to be all me as far as changing job/house was concerned. Whilst all this was dawning on me, we were still having a great time together and he treated me well. We got together quite a lot with all our kids but eventually he said that he could never live with my kids and have his kids visiting. This felt like a betrayal, as he knew I had kids when we started. You live and learn. Now I realise that even nice kind men can be ultimately selfish. Which he was. And I really need to see a man who has a job!

I always thought the paying site guys were the serious ones not the serial shaggers .

Well I have agreed to go bowling tomorrow with MrVeryKeen, who also wants to see me at the weekend .

Am wondering if Saliz has moved on from texting sailor guy .

Wow!!
Are you feeling any more keen about it all?

Yes, feeling quite good about it all really, we have quite a laugh so something must be right.

You feeling better Boo?

All better, bloody cold though. Man is poorly, he came over last night but only for a movie, then shuffled home to his bed. Has a throat infection :( Nothing to do wiht me

Saliz, where are you, we need an update?

MrVeryKeen is growing on me...went bowling tonight, he is a lot of fun. He wants to meet again at the weekend . One minor and shallow point, is there ever a good time to ask him to untuck his shirt from his jeans .

Ha! You want to wait til you're in a clinch and just yank it out. Still a bit poorly, he's coming over tonight so we can both be pathetic together. We're going out tomorrow, me with my best friend and him with some friends I haven't met yet so am excited about that. The snow and the fact that it's bloody cold is going to make picking an outfit interesting. Jeans and boots are pretty much a given, but I need a top and really don't want to have to go out shopping. Ds is giving me hopeful looks and saying 'snow snow' so we will have to go out at some point today :)