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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Asking daughters' swimming instructor on a date?

226 replies

evolucy7 · 03/10/2010 20:09

Hi there, I have never posted here before, but regularly read threads.

This is my question, and I'd welcome any advice!

I have been single since the father of my 2 daughters who are now 3 and 4 left us in May 2008. Since then I have never been on a date!

Recently I have been thinking about it, and quite fancy my daughters' swimming instructor! It seems I get little opportunity to meet a vast range of men! I don't know if he is single so need to establish that, I'll look for wedding ring on Tuesday.

What does anyone think about the whole scenario, if he doesn't have a wedding ring he still might not be single anyway, if he isn't or just isn't interested I will have to take my girls to their lessons every week and might feel a fool! Also I don't really know how I could find out or ask him anyway, on the pool side with loads of other parents & children?! He's a great swimming instructor and I would want to keep them in his lessons for as long as possible.

Or should I just forget the whole idea!

Any thoughts anyone please, thanks, Lucy

OP posts:

ohdearyme11 · 11/12/2010 16:39

Oh for God sake, ask him out!!

christmaseve · 11/12/2010 17:10

Evo, when he asked you about Christmas did you manage to find out about what he is doing for Christmas? You should have asked him if he had family locally. Then he would have said I'm going to mum and dads or we are spending it with....

Niceguy2 · 11/12/2010 18:31

Evo, forgive me but I'm going to be blunt. Not trying to be rude but here goes:

He's either not interested or so utterly unable to close that its not a good sign.

You started this post in October. It's now December. I'm all for moving slowly but if he was interested, he'd have asked you out by now.

Sorry, think it needs to be said!

StellaBrillante · 11/12/2010 19:38

In Evo's defence, I think I'd have let the moment pass too. Sometimes it's a combination of being out of practice, day-dreaming so much that you're taken completely by surprise when an opportunity is there etc...

Evo - when ds' rugby coach unexpectedly shook my hand thanking me profuselly for coming to the game, all I managed was some utterly stupid remark and I still cringe when I think of it. Eeew! :-)
My situation is different though as I can see him watching me and he has come over to chat to me altough he coaches the 'b' team whereas ds in the 'a's. Whether it's all a fruit of my imagination (very possible too!) it's too be seen but I see him no more than once a week if that often as we parents take turns with getting the boys from after school practice. Today for example I could see no excuse to stand around before the game started and the same afterwards so although I saw him looking while I was in the car, there was no opportunity for chatting. But then I'm keeping myself in check that I didn't have my glasses on so maybe he was looking at the car next to mine!!!
Anyway, don't mean to hijack your thread! At the end of the day, you don't really know this guy but it's a distraction, isn't it? And if something was to happen, it'd be a giggle as it's now. Am I on the right track?
No tips, I am afraid just don't ask him out!!! But do ask him what he's doing for Christmas & New Year and try to take the opportunity to drop a hint that you haven't got much planned or free time, something along those lines. That should be his clue to make a suggestion. If nothing happens, plan B: another good-looking swimming instructor?!?! On that note, how lucky are you??? DS swam at club level for ages and not a single one was a 'hotty'.
ps. oh those rugby legs...!!! And ds saying how Mr X was showing them how to do press-ups and that he touched the floor with the tip of his nose. Not that I am shallow or anything... ;-)

Jellykat · 11/12/2010 23:29

Lucy God,annoying how RL can distract one away from Mumsnet!

Have just caught up with this thread.
He winked!?-Now that's not your usual bog standard Teacher/pupils mother relationship is it?

I disagree with what has been said re. time limits- I knew my DP for 2 years before i casually suggested a drink sometime, he said he thought i was 'out of his league' so hadn't suggested it himself.. He was my electrician!

In fact i think i've known most of my XPs for quite some time before anything happened,that's pretty normal isn't it?

Anyhow,glad to see Dave didn't lose any bits because of his lurgy,and remains fit and healthy (even though still in possession, one presumes, of an Arsenal shirt)

Original poster

evolucy7 · 11/12/2010 23:57

Well Jellykat I thought the same about timescales, but hey I'm advised on here from one extreme to another! In RL friends keep saying just ask him but casually!

OP posts:

emmaneezerscrooge · 12/12/2010 00:48

Things CAN happen slowly and organically overtime...

If the vibes right and he DOES like you, you'll just KNOW when to make a move.. if that never happens, then heck, its all been a good laugh, harmless fun and wondering...

but y'know if you could please have a happy ending and swim off into a fairytale sunset.. I'd be much obliged... because if I KNOW other people are getting happy endings, well it lets me believe I might one day have one...

no pressure or anything though

christmaseve · 12/12/2010 01:10

Let's face it think we all know and so does Lucy that he is not interested in her but she sounds nice, ok she gets a bit on the defensive when someone tells her their opinions-- like it really is but she keeps us amused with it all.

I want an invite to the wedding.

Original poster

evolucy7 · 12/12/2010 12:39

christmaseve...honestly I go from thinking that no he doesn't like me to thinking actually I think that he does. I just don't know, some of actions are not consistent with him not being interested, but as some people have said he would have said something by now. Yet others say no it could take ages before anything might be said, especially as it is job is to teach children to swim not ask their mothers out.

There's nothing defensive about thinking that not all blokes in this situation would just ask by now, people can know each other for months/years before establishing that they have both been interested.

Had you had a drink when you wrote this last night lol....as I thought you said it was clear he wasn't interested so why the wedding comment?

OP posts:

christmaseve · 12/12/2010 13:40

Yes, but the wedding comment was because I might be totally wrong. Like you say it's a different situation from meeting someone socially so things might develop, slowly. I hope they do.

beingsetup · 12/12/2010 14:49

ok lucy it might be worth meeting other men and relaxing a bit, but assuming he isnt half your age or sommat you could...

activate a fake call in his hearing and mention you are single and where you are going to be to your "FRIEND" and add whaever details you want...see if he turns up

Original poster

evolucy7 · 12/12/2010 15:01

beingsetup....I am not especially interested in meeting anyone, it was just that I had come across someone that I liked the look of. He's probably around the same age as me mid 30s.

I'd find that a little strange actually if he turned up somewhere from hearing me mention it on the phone to someone else

OP posts:

ChippingIn · 12/12/2010 15:32

Evo - I have read the whole thread

Do you actually want to 'resolve' it or are you happy with this 'does he/doesn't he' stage?

Jellykat · 12/12/2010 17:27

Agree with emmaneezerscrooge

lowercase · 12/12/2010 19:56

I agree with scrooge too.

In fact, with a previous marriage/children under your belt i think slowly is the way to go.

Christmas, are you joking? you are coming across as spiteful imo.

Original poster

evolucy7 · 12/12/2010 21:44

ChippingIn...I guess on the one hand I am happy with the fun of it at the moment, and if it isn't right then no-one may ever be embarrassed by it as it might never come to anything more than friendly, harmless, slightly flirtatious chat however on the other hand I would actually quite like to just know!

OP posts:

christmaseve · 12/12/2010 21:53

lowercase, why?

I enjoy reading Evo's thread and would love for them to end up going out.

lowercase · 13/12/2010 14:04

i thought as i typed i that you may be palling around christmas its hard to get the gist sometimes on-line

i hope something comes of it too, and have also enjoyed the thread

Jellykat · 14/12/2010 17:58

'Tis Tuesday - any update Lucy?

Original poster

evolucy7 · 14/12/2010 21:40

We didn't go swimming tonight, it was the school christmas play! We have a private lesson booked for Saturday morning, I really want to actually ask about his christmas plans and about his 'family' in particular, but as someone else said I might just go a bit stupid and not manage to say it

OP posts:

Jellykat · 14/12/2010 22:24

at "might go a bit stupid".. Take a deep breath,and pretend you're asking the shopkeeper of your local Spar..

Just being polite..

(No ulterior motive whatsoever)

Aaahh Go on,You can do it

Original poster

evolucy7 · 15/12/2010 17:39

Following on from the fact that he winked at me twice the last time I saw him, anyone got any views on men who wink at you? Last night at my daughters' school christmas play, one of the Dads winked at me! I know his wife, their youngest is good friends with both my girls. Do some men just do this in a friendly way, I am certain that he was just being friendly, I have to say that perhaps I just never really noticed before when men did this, and actually they do it all the time!

OP posts:

Jellykat · 15/12/2010 20:25

I guess some men probably wink a lot, but i would have thought it was used more in say the 50s then now.. maybe men got slapped a lot during the sexual revolution of the 60s!and it became a dying art..

It depends on circumstances tho' doesn't it, if a stranger winked at you in a pub, it would be flirtatious,but if a male friend did it if you were low, it's more of a 'cheer up' type thing.

It does signify a certain intimacy between the winker and recipient in RL.. doesn't it?it's a private shared something, and a bit cheeky.

----> ...

allgonebellyup · 16/12/2010 17:31

i absolutely hate it when men wink!
The blokey im seeing now does it at me and it makes me want to slap him!
He is banned from doing it now!

Jellykat · 18/12/2010 17:09

Did the lesson happen this morn. Lucy? or did the lord of snow intervene?..

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