Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 9 10

Original poster

Asking daughters' swimming instructor on a date?

226 replies

evolucy7 · 03/10/2010 20:09

Hi there, I have never posted here before, but regularly read threads.

This is my question, and I'd welcome any advice!

I have been single since the father of my 2 daughters who are now 3 and 4 left us in May 2008. Since then I have never been on a date!

Recently I have been thinking about it, and quite fancy my daughters' swimming instructor! It seems I get little opportunity to meet a vast range of men! I don't know if he is single so need to establish that, I'll look for wedding ring on Tuesday.

What does anyone think about the whole scenario, if he doesn't have a wedding ring he still might not be single anyway, if he isn't or just isn't interested I will have to take my girls to their lessons every week and might feel a fool! Also I don't really know how I could find out or ask him anyway, on the pool side with loads of other parents & children?! He's a great swimming instructor and I would want to keep them in his lessons for as long as possible.

Or should I just forget the whole idea!

Any thoughts anyone please, thanks, Lucy

OP posts:

Original poster

evolucy7 · 28/11/2010 22:02

lol....yes that's the other problem kids just saying anything!
As I've now added some friends on facebook, I was showing the girls photos of people we know on there, and when I first used internet explorer drop down and selected facbook link, is was the one that I had been looking at the other night of Dave, eldest said 'Look its Dave Mummy'.
Now I'm paranoid that she will say on Tuesday in front of parents at the poolside, 'Dave, Mummy's got your picture up on her laptop at home'

OP posts:

Jellykat · 28/11/2010 22:26

Lol!!! OMG imagine!! Better take a 'distraction' chocy bar to shove in her direction,should the need arise!

Jellykat · 01/12/2010 20:36

Anything to report yet Lucy??..

Original poster

evolucy7 · 02/12/2010 19:36

No nothing really to report yet I'm afraid, but we were there today, I took my youngest swimming and I think there is a strange atmosphere between us. So could be one of many things;

It's obvious I fancy him but he doesn't fancy me and is trying to be nice but not too nice.
It's not obvious I fancy him but he fancies me, so he's working out how nice to be without overstepping the mark.
It's obvious I fancy him and he fancies me, but no-one dare say anything, and the more this goes on the more embarrassed we are all becoming.
It's not obvious I fancy him and he doesn't fancy me and I am simply imagining it all.

That said we arranged another private lesson for my youngest on Saturday.

OP posts:

Jellykat · 02/12/2010 20:29

Blinking Nora! That's a large sackful of possibilities...Hmm, I guess time will tell which one it is, hope its no.2!..

But unless he's a mind reader i can't see how he'd know, you've only corrected him on the Mrs/Miss thing, which i do all the time!

Original poster

evolucy7 · 02/12/2010 20:37

I have a plan......
When I found him on facebook, I looked at his friends I have since looked at my old school etc, and when I was looking at old pupils there, obviously I recognised names, but one name rang a bell but I was sure that it was not someone that I had known at school, then I looked back on Dave's profile and one of his friends is an old pupil of my old school. So I could have legitimately found Dave on facebook this way, without actually searching for him, which is what I did lol

OP posts:

Jellykat · 02/12/2010 21:06

LOL..He doesn't know you found him on Facebook! (you didn't drink too much Wine and put in a friend request.. Did you???)

whiteandnerdy · 02/12/2010 21:09

You do realise that if your looking at peoples pictures and profiles on Facebook it will assume you know them and hence bump you up in that persons suggested friends list. At least thats the only explanation I can give for Facebook constantly asking me if I want'ed to add my Ex as a friend, while having no friends in common, never tagged in the same photo, and not being in any common groups.

Original poster

evolucy7 · 02/12/2010 21:17

OMG you're joking whiteandnerdy!

Jellykat...I was contemplating it, as I could say I genuinely came across him while searching for old school friends...perhaps it would get us to the point of being clear where we stood? If I sent a friend request and he ignored it that would be clear! It would be communication away from swimming pool, perhaps be less restricted by his professional capacity there? (If it does affect what he may say to me)

OP posts:

Jellykat · 02/12/2010 22:16

Don't know if that's necessarily so whiteandnerdy..is your Ex putting in friend requests?

Be careful Lucy..I'd see how it goes on Saturday first!

Original poster

evolucy7 · 02/12/2010 22:35

I just don't know what else to say to him, both my girls will be with me on Saturday, obviously we'll talk about my youngest's swimming! I keep trying to talk generally, today we were talking when he walked through the communal changing rooms after we had been swimming, and I was getting stuff out of a locker in just my towel!

OP posts:

whiteandnerdy · 02/12/2010 22:43

Indeed, Facebook doesn't actually tell you how it identifies Suggested Friends ... hmm.

Anyway the Ex requested to be friends in about 2007, I seem to remember her suddenly appeared on my Suggested Friends List a few years latter. Most if not all web servers keep logs of the pages you visited, wouldn't be that hard to write a script to parse all the people you've looked up.

Original poster

evolucy7 · 02/12/2010 22:46

Well perhaps I should just send a friend request might not look so odd then

OP posts:

whiteandnerdy · 02/12/2010 22:49

Erm why don't let him know you've been cyber stalking him. Maybe you'll get an idea if he's interested ... or a restraining order, bwahahaha!

Zanyisntsantacanny · 03/12/2010 10:46

JUst wanted to say HI evoluncy7 I have been reading your thread as i am in a simular position with a neighbour of mine and I laughed when you said you suggested to your DD to ask him if he has kids because I did the same thing with my DD on Tuesday. I looked over and said 'Oh look B is home' knowing she would then run over to him to talk to him as she is friends with his DD. Us single Mum's need to be sneaky sometimes to get a date

Original poster

evolucy7 · 03/12/2010 20:00

Hi Zany Yes I have to admit my children are both unknowingly becoming part of my plan!
I decided last night to send him a friend request on facebook, saying it was from me and my daughters, as we had found him as a friend of someone who do talk to him several times a week at the pool, and the three of them seem to all get on fine, its just me who seems to struggle to talk to him lol.
Today when they went swimming with school, he was there, not teaching them, but doing overtime as a lifeguard, they were short staffed due to snow. He was in the big pool where my eldest swims and the two of them were chatting and smiling to each other the whole time! And then she told him that we had sent him a message on facebook! I had forewarned her what I wrote last night in her behalf!
Afterwards he came up to talk to me, and he said his laptop had broken and was going to buy himself a new one for christmas, so couldn't respond to facebook message yet.

OP posts:

Jellykat · 04/12/2010 18:26

Yay Lucy, just caught up- You clever clogs!..I bow to your courage! TeeHee..

Bloody well done at nudging it along, out of the swimming pool area, and into something a little more personal!! Seems his reaction wasn't embarrassed,negative or shocked either..
Excellent!

Original poster

evolucy7 · 04/12/2010 19:17

Thanks Jellycat

Youngest had her private lesson this afternoon, and while I was getting her ready, long process of swimsuit, hat, goggles, wee, eldest went to poolside and stood with Dave talking to him the whole time. When I came out and then said something to her, and she ignored me as usual, he said '* your Mum is talking to you'. I was surprised by this, should I be?

After the lesson, he beckoned me over, and the two of us were crouched down at children's level and we all had a chat firstly about youngest's swimming, and then he asked the girls/me have they been good for christmas, and then eldest gave him the paper lanterns we made this morning that she had taken with her, first of all he said, no you keep them, and she said no they are for you, so he said ok thanks, I'll put them on my christmas tree. Either he just likes my children or he thinks it's a good idea to befriend a single mother's children as that is half the battle won!

Then he said I'll see you on Tuesday when the girls' have their group lessons, then he said to me we'll speak soon.

I've already primed the eldest to ask him if he has any children on Tuesday.

Zany.....get your DD to do some digging, I've decided that as mine likes to talk to him and seems receptive to her, I can find out the situation, and a 4 year old would naturally be inquisitive about adults she likes.

He did demonstrate backstroke in water in the lesson, and his wet t-shirt stuck to his chest!

OP posts:

Hazeleyedbaby · 04/12/2010 20:48

I love reading this thread - hope you get that date soon!!!

Original poster

evolucy7 · 04/12/2010 21:16

Thanks Hazel....if I go quiet all of sudden you'll know its all gone pear shaped! lol

OP posts:

whiteandnerdy · 04/12/2010 22:53

Hazel, I'm waiting for the T.V. mini-serial or maybe a direct to DVD movie of this thread.

Original poster

evolucy7 · 04/12/2010 23:01

pmsl

OP posts:

Hazeleyedbaby · 05/12/2010 09:44

Or it could mean that it has gone really well

PS - I'd buy the DVD

pigsinmud · 05/12/2010 10:09

I've just read the whole thread. It sounds like everyday chats between teacher and parent. You seem to be reading things into it. It's impossible for us to know. He might act the same way with all parents.

Dh is a teacher and once had a letter from a parent declaring her love for him. She knew he was unhappy with me and had misread loads of conversations they had had. It was quite scary really. Even when he told her she was barking up the wrong tree, she convinced herself that he had got cold feet snout the whole thing.

As for accepting gifts from children, he tried to turn them down, but you insisted so I don't think that proves anything.

He might like you or he might not. Perhaps I am being negative, but I would not read anything in to his behaviour.

Original poster

evolucy7 · 05/12/2010 10:29

You may well me be right, if I knew whether he liked me or not, I wouldn't be here still talking about whether he did or not!

When my daugther gave him the lanterns, it was nothing to do with me, I didn't insist anything, I let her and him communicate, not me.

To be honest, of course he may just be being friendly and like this with all parents, although I have never seen this, you say 'but I would not read anything in to his bevahiour' come on whatever walk of life you may meet someone that you think you like, of course you read in to their behaviour, that is what happens in life. He may or may not like me, who knows yet, or we may never know.

OP posts:

Flip

1 2 3 4 5 6 ··· 9 10