Asking daughters' swimming instructor on a date?

[evolucy7]

Hi there, I have never posted here before, but regularly read threads.

This is my question, and I'd welcome any advice!

I have been single since the father of my 2 daughters who are now 3 and 4 left us in May 2008. Since then I have never been on a date!

Recently I have been thinking about it, and quite fancy my daughters' swimming instructor! It seems I get little opportunity to meet a vast range of men! I don't know if he is single so need to establish that, I'll look for wedding ring on Tuesday.

What does anyone think about the whole scenario, if he doesn't have a wedding ring he still might not be single anyway, if he isn't or just isn't interested I will have to take my girls to their lessons every week and might feel a fool! Also I don't really know how I could find out or ask him anyway, on the pool side with loads of other parents & children?! He's a great swimming instructor and I would want to keep them in his lessons for as long as possible.

Or should I just forget the whole idea!

Any thoughts anyone please, thanks, Lucy

lol at your list of some very unappealing qualities/issues!
Yes I thought about that kind of thing saying here's my number, even thought I could give it to my eldest and tell her to say Mummy asked me to give you this when she goes through for her lesson, as it is so busy with parents on the poolside etc. Then I thought how terrible! lol

It's now been nearly 2 month's that you having been thinking about this man. That is plenty of time for him to ask you out if he's actually fancies you. He hasn't,so I don't think he does. It's been long enough for him to tell all his mates there about you, though.
It's not about him being professional. Men risk jobs, marriages everything to be with someone they like.
I used to chase men all the time and one of them lasted 8 years...but it's grim because you always are the one that does all work and eventually they leave.
I swear by 'The Rules"... because they work.

So best case you if ask him out, he gives it ago because he's flattered. You go out again (because you are lovely!) and sleep together a few times because you think this will help. You think you are going out together, he feels uneasy.It goes no where.

If he asks you out, you know he likes you. You get to decide if you sleep together (no pressure because he actually wants more than sex). It works better because you both want it to work.

Look forward to hearing more on this though. Keep us posted!

While I understand many of you points, I do have to disagree with some of your generalisations...forgetting this guy for a minute, do really think that all men would risk anything to just go straight in ask someone out?

And in this case when he is manager at the leisure centre who also is one of the swimming instructors, do you really think he would just do that, ask me out, when I am the mother of 2 children he teaches and we have had some friendly conversations mainly about swimming and the children, but nothing really to indicate that I might want to go out with him, quite a step from talking to him when he's in his professional capacity? Don't you think he might think he could be overstepping the mark? Imagine, if a teacher of your children at school or swimming or anywhere asked you if you wanted to go out with him and you didn't what would you think, I could see plenty of people on here being quite offended by that.

I think justonemore has obviously been bitten by some bad experiences.

But let me just add that just because he asks you out, doesn't necessarily means that he wants more than just sex or that he wants it to work etc. I've asked plenty of women out whom I've not really wanted anything more than a bit of fun.

Shallow? Yeah probably.

Evo, how did it go?

Thanks niceguy, yes of course any bloke might just want a bit of fun.....and so might I for that matter or we might not get on when it came to it anyway!

Well yesterday was the week for giving out slips for moving swimming groups after christmas, it was all very hectic, I had got my self ready for giving him the number thing, but it just wasn't right too many other parents around! My best times to talk to him are when we are there for general swimming or when I watch the girls when they go with school. I know he is working mornings this week so he will be there when I take youngest swimming on my own tomorrow, and he will be there on Friday morning when I watch them with school, so as long as there is an appropriate time I am going for it....
By the way though he called me 'Mrs' H*** yesterday so does he think I am not single, or is that just what teachers call you, teachers at my daughters' school always still call me 'Mrs' despite knowing that their dad doesn't live with us and I don't have a wedding ring...or perhaps he just thinks someone as lovely as me couldn't possibly be single!

Mrs? Oh dear! Could be a subtle attempt at figuring out if you are single but didnt you already in effect tell him that?

I guess next time he does it, correct him. Just say "its Miss/Ms" or "call me "

Cant wait until Fridays instalment!

Good luck!

lol...I told him that the children were with their dad this coming weekend so couldn't do a lesson then, he did then say that works well for me cause I am not working this weekend! I guess I could still be married, or married to someone else now, I was going to say its not Mrs, but I thought it would seem odd in front of all the parents to say 'by the Dave, its not Mrs, its Miss, but just call me Lucy'
He did seem to spend half the lesson solely with my youngest daughter while the other children were left to their own devices! He was so gentle with her when helping her!

lowercase....if nothing else its good for a laugh..ffs life's a bit repetitive!

your dave doesn't teach at a leisure centre in lincolnshire does he?

Well he might do but that is not where I have seen 'my Dave' and he might not actually be called Dave! Why do you know a nice Dave in Lincolnshire?

My dd's lovely swimming instructor is called Dave - I was quite disappointed when they got their reports this week and she's moved up a grade and out of Dave's class

My DS2 used to have one to one swimming lessons with a gorgeous instructor-because DS was so afraid of water, he taught in the pool.

Ooooh, the way his wet t-shirt used to cling to his chest.. >

But his name wasn't Dave, It was Andrew!

Good lord we're all at it! What is it about swimming instructors We could always relocate are these guys single do you know? lol

Mine was, trouble was i was old enough to be his mum..

I reckon it has something to do with being in hot steamy surroundings, oh and his whistle!

lol....I know what you mean why are leisure centres so bloody hot?! God its a nightmare, on swimming days I have to dress for the heat at the pool, dress for the cold outside, as well as dressing for the not tried to hard to look good look!

[Grin] I did too..

Made it very plain,that i couldn't swim, just in case i ever fell in while handing over an armband or something..

I could've fallen in,and needed rescuing..

Maybe some mouth to mouth?..

..Never did tho'

lol...I can swim for swimmings sake, but when I was younger that was all you did, not like now when my eldest is being taught butterfly at 4?! So maybe I could ask him if he does private adult lessons cause I want to learn butterfly, and will he come in the water with me?

How about a bit of Breaststroke?

...yeah we can do whatever stroke he wants...lol

Ladies ladies!

Look I haven't had lots of "bad experiences".I'm still talking terms to all my former prey. They all appreciate a game girl and love me for it (and some have even thanked me for being what they needed) . However they are all now married or going out with people they really fancy rather than someone who just fancies them.

It's just, shouldn't be aiming higher? Don't you want someone who looks at you and thinks "yes please" rather than having to talk them into it.

Ask someone to buy you "the Rules' or 'he's just not that it to you"for Christmas. It will be a light bulb moment!

Actually I have a copy of 'The Rules' had it for years! While I agree that there are some fundamental 'rules' about dating so as not to make yourself look a complete tosser, I really do not think that a blanket set of rules applies, people are different and situations are different

And by the way I'm certainly not trying to talk him into anything, just trying to establish if he's single and ensure he realises that I am...lol. I still don't think that in his position he would openly ask out a woman he thought may be married whose children he teaches to swim Some men may but I'm sure not all would.

Ooo justonemorethen.. How do you know Mr Dave the swimming instructor isn't with his mates, having a male version of our conversation???

Saying "Theres' this mum i fancy at the swimming pool, i really fancy ,how can i ask her out with everyone else about?"..

Don't be so negative!

See- judging by my post, he might fancy her twice!..

I've had crushes on ds's teacher before and have a soft spot for current swimming instructor too... I don't know if it has anything to do with seeing a guy being lovely to and getting to know your dc, do you think? Anyway I wanted to comment to say - a good friend of mine had a long term crush on her dc's swim teacher, going nowhere not least because of the professional relationship thing. Roll on a couple of years and they now live together very happily with an adorable new little one and I have no doubt that they will be growing old happily together x