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Original poster

Asking daughters' swimming instructor on a date?

226 replies

evolucy7 · 03/10/2010 20:09

Hi there, I have never posted here before, but regularly read threads.

This is my question, and I'd welcome any advice!

I have been single since the father of my 2 daughters who are now 3 and 4 left us in May 2008. Since then I have never been on a date!

Recently I have been thinking about it, and quite fancy my daughters' swimming instructor! It seems I get little opportunity to meet a vast range of men! I don't know if he is single so need to establish that, I'll look for wedding ring on Tuesday.

What does anyone think about the whole scenario, if he doesn't have a wedding ring he still might not be single anyway, if he isn't or just isn't interested I will have to take my girls to their lessons every week and might feel a fool! Also I don't really know how I could find out or ask him anyway, on the pool side with loads of other parents & children?! He's a great swimming instructor and I would want to keep them in his lessons for as long as possible.

Or should I just forget the whole idea!

Any thoughts anyone please, thanks, Lucy

OP posts:
Original poster
evolucy7 · 06/12/2010 22:46

It's Tuesday night swimming lessons again tomorrow, comes around quick, best go to bed to get my beauty sleep Smile

OP posts:
Hazeleyedbaby · 06/12/2010 23:33

Good luck for tomorrow!

HollyTwat · 07/12/2010 00:31

I've lusted over my Thai massage guy for ages

Spent a small fortune on massages
Found him on fb and discovered he is married
But he never said. I had loads of conversations with him over dating etc and he must have just known I fancied him but didn't want to say

Still fancy him but glad Facebook saved me from asking him out!

We also have a gpurgeous swimming instructor whichbis why all the mums are there every Sunday, year after year, not caring that progress is slow!

allgonebellyup · 07/12/2010 20:39

How did it go? Tell us, tell us!!!!!!

Original poster
evolucy7 · 07/12/2010 20:49

He wasn't there, perhaps he's poorly because on Saturday he said, 'see you on Tuesday'.Sad

OP posts:
Spatz · 07/12/2010 21:59

Oh sad news - hoping for a juicy update!

Jellykat · 08/12/2010 18:47

Well.. Talk about selfish- How dare he be ill! We're all waiting for the next instalment..and he decides to get a lurgy.. HUH!

Tomorrow is it Lucy?

Original poster
evolucy7 · 08/12/2010 19:53

Jellykat...I asked at reception yesterday if they knew when he would be back in, I said that I had been going to ask him last night when my daughter could have the next private lesson, she said this week he has Wednesday and Thursday off, so he is back in on Friday 2.30pm, the lady on reception was very helpful with his schedule! Hmm
The girls' go swimming with school at 11.30 on Friday, so unless he's doing any overtime he won't be there then. And next Tuesday the last lesson before Christmas, we will be missing as the girls' have a school play that night!
So I'm going to have to ring on Friday afternoon to if he isn't there in the morning, I'll ask what he's doing over Christmas, can we get another lesson in before?

OP posts:
justonemorethen · 08/12/2010 23:18

Wow ... still going with this.

Love the way you have ignored all advice and are pushing forward with the he doesn't know how good I'd be for him school of thought.

Not trying to be nasty but you should see this for what it is.

Look just imagine that the positions are reversed. You're a male instructor. You really fancy one of the mums and you want to ask her out but don't know if she's married...opps you've just dropped her husband (?) into conversation...nope single,bit of a flirt to test the water and ask out for a drink. Would have taken him 3 weeks tops I reckon.
You're a male instructor. One of the mums is cute but not your bag. She's very smiley and single. She's probably good for a Christmas tip though. Bloody hell she's found you on Facebook and now she's best friends with Louise on reception...
I think you'd run a mile.

Anyway, don't suppose you care what I think. I am sending you big Christmas wishes that some nice bloke actually tracks you down for a snog under the mistletoe.

Original poster
evolucy7 · 09/12/2010 13:46

Oh shut up don't be so bloody miserable. In fact you are about the only person with this attitude. I don't know what he thinks and neither do you.

Despite your experience of men who would risk anything for someone they liked, I don't actually think that that would be the sort of guy that I would like anyway, a man in a position of authority looking after children, risk your job, by perhaps inappropriately asking out a women you've talked to a few times?

I'm not sure how you meet men, but I was always under the impression that if you meet men in your everyday life, not pissed in a bar, and certainly when they taught your children, people would tread very carefully before acting in a way that could be seen as inappropriate. Hmm

OP posts:
Original poster
evolucy7 · 09/12/2010 13:49

And as I have said, even if we did go for a drink or something, we might just have a laugh and that would be that, we might find that there was nothing really in it anyway.

OP posts:
NoelEdmondshair · 09/12/2010 19:37

You're correct, justonemorethen, you're not trying to be nasty - you are being nasty.

Jog on.

justonemorethen · 09/12/2010 21:00

8 people said don't ask him out in answer to her post. Two months later nothings changes and she's still obsessing thinking about it.

evolucy7 is being nasty to herself.

Original poster
evolucy7 · 09/12/2010 21:30

Are you always like this, as you said yourself no wonder all your ex's went off and found themselves nice ladies to marry? Hmm

In answer to my post originally, people said no don't embarass yourself and ask him out, at no point was that based on whether he may like me or not, people said just don't make things awkward at swimming lessons, it was very theoratical at that point.

Anyway, let's look at your examples, firstly as I have said I do not believe that a children's swimming instructor would jump in and ask out a mother of children that he teaches, on the basis that he had found out that she was single, (and he still doesn't know for sure that I am) and if she seemed friendly ask her out. I could just be being friendly to him, it might not mean that I would want to go for a drink, and it could be seen as very inappropriate if I had not interest.

Second one he wants to run a mile, so at the end of the last private lesson, he would have said 'Oh she's doing great, really coming on, if you ask at reception they can arrange another lesson if you want'. She has actually now decided to swim the length of the pool again, which is what she did a few months ago and then just stopped, hence the private lessons, but now she theoretically doesn't need them anymore as she has got over whatever was making her just not do it. So, did he say that, no, he actually beckoned me over, and we all had a chat about various things, not just her swimming, is this the action of a guy who wants to run a mile? I am not saying it means he likes me, just I don't think he wants to run a mile, people would not normally continue to be more and more friendly if that was the case. Confused

OP posts:
justonemorethen · 09/12/2010 22:11

I'm not saying whether he does or doesn't fancy you because you are right who knows? I'm saying if he doesn't ask you out he doesn't fancy you.

(That's not saying you are in any way unattractive).

How long are you giving it before you ask him out? Why is that more appropriate anyway?

My current boyfriend was my bosses best friend. He didn't think dating the nanny was inappropriate, even though I pointed out that actually it would cause massive issues at work.As he asked me out though it was my call.

The ex's by the way were all blokes I chased, cajoled or buddied up with, into being with me.

noraa · 09/12/2010 22:23

evolucy7, some guys can keep it only at flirt stage, too. i dont know why.
do you know any thing about his background?

Original poster
evolucy7 · 09/12/2010 22:25

I haven't decided whether I will ask him out or not, I thought it was clear that I was trying to see what may come of it, and I haven't said that it is any more appropriate or not than him asking me. Although actually I think it could be considered more appropriate, in this instance he is the one whose job it is to teach children to swim not ask their mothers out on a date.

Your current boyfriend was not your boss or in a position of responsibility over your children, let's face it he will probably have cleared it with his best friend before he asked you out? Male best freinds talk about women so the subject must have come up between them. You say he 'was' your bosses best friend, so are they not best friends now? lol Or do you not work for him now?

This goes back to 'The Rules' not all relationships that work have followed 'The Rules', for every one that has there will be one that hasn't.

And I am not chasing him, cajoling him as you put, I am being friendly, and so is he, and I am trying to ascertain if there may be anything more in it. I am not there saying, come on why don't we give it a go blah blah blah as you make out.

OP posts:
lowercase · 09/12/2010 22:50

i dont need a book to tell me how 'snare' a man by being someone im not either Evo!

the rules was written to MAKE MONEY from lonely women.

Original poster
evolucy7 · 09/12/2010 23:01

Spot on lowercase Smile

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StellaBrillante · 10/12/2010 15:32

hi evolucy7,

i think the ds' rugby coach is the hottest thing ever so i was both relieved and encouraged by your thread. Relieved as i thought i was going mad - or just truly desperate?!?! and encourage by a lot of the comments here and things that you've said. At the end of the day, I'd much rather have the opportunity to find out more about a guy that spends his time coaching and encouraging children (oh those 'rugby' legs...!!!) than some complete stranger that I met at a bar or even via the internet - even if i do know that those scenarios have worked out fine for a lot of ladies out there.
My only piece of advice though is don't ask him out. I do agree with you that it's a delicate situation to ask a parent out when you teach their children, etc but if he wants to, he WILL ask you. Nothing to do with 'the rules' or similar but i think he does need to work for it at least a little bit.
I hope it all turns out well for you, lady!

Original poster
evolucy7 · 10/12/2010 15:56

Thanks Stella, I think you have summed it up exactly. Smile

So are you doing the same with your DS' rugby coach? Any tips to share? Or is it just an admiration that you'll leave at that?

Yes I am reluctant to ask him, hence the reason why I just keep making conversation and trying to make my situation clear, and hope to be showing subtle interest in him so that if he is in interested he may ask.

I saw him today, he came round the corner, gave me the loveliest smile, stopped and chatted to me, asked if I was ready for christmas, were the girls excited, he told me he wasn't there on Tuesday as his car had broken down, and he winked at me twice! Smile

OP posts:
allgonebellyup · 10/12/2010 17:00

Are you sure he's not sleazy ??
i hate it when men wink at me, makes me run a mile!!!!

Original poster
evolucy7 · 10/12/2010 18:22

Yeah I know what you mean now, but it just did not seem like that at the time....Hmm

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allgonebellyup · 10/12/2010 20:40

I'm sure he's fine! Didnt mean to sound negative, sorry. Smile

NoelEdmondshair · 11/12/2010 08:56

So when he asked you if you were ready for Christmas why in the name of God, woman, did you not pin him to the floor and ask him what HE was doing for Christmas? Grin

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