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Lone parents

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

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Original poster

Asking daughters' swimming instructor on a date?

226 replies

evolucy7 · 03/10/2010 20:09

Hi there, I have never posted here before, but regularly read threads.

This is my question, and I'd welcome any advice!

I have been single since the father of my 2 daughters who are now 3 and 4 left us in May 2008. Since then I have never been on a date!

Recently I have been thinking about it, and quite fancy my daughters' swimming instructor! It seems I get little opportunity to meet a vast range of men! I don't know if he is single so need to establish that, I'll look for wedding ring on Tuesday.

What does anyone think about the whole scenario, if he doesn't have a wedding ring he still might not be single anyway, if he isn't or just isn't interested I will have to take my girls to their lessons every week and might feel a fool! Also I don't really know how I could find out or ask him anyway, on the pool side with loads of other parents & children?! He's a great swimming instructor and I would want to keep them in his lessons for as long as possible.

Or should I just forget the whole idea!

Any thoughts anyone please, thanks, Lucy

OP posts:

Jellykat · 24/11/2010 23:11

Thats' lovely mc!

LeChatRouge · 24/11/2010 23:21

Could you ask about the pool's opening times over Christmas and then when he says which days it's closed casually ask what he normally does for Christmas? If you didn't fancy him, this is just a friendly sort of conversation piece that is naturally topical and his answer may give you the clues you need as to his status...you could even steer the conversation to the fact your girls will go to their dad's on Boxing Day...

Original poster

evolucy7 · 25/11/2010 10:03

mycomment...I completely agree that it probably has a lot to do with him being so 'fatherly' to my children, unlike their tosser father. I have to admit I have had a soft spot for a previous male instructor at the last pool before we moved house this year, however it was clear he was about 18!
That is a lovely story...gives us all hope
LeChatRouge..yes good ideas about christmas....I just need to get him on his own away from the staff he manages or the parents of children he teaches, I am still convinced that while he is working he should not be openly standing around chatting about christmas or whatever

OP posts:

Jellykat · 25/11/2010 20:36

Lucy.. Could you 'accidentally' leave something where you sit by the pool, and have to nip back in while everyone's changing tomorrow? and might he still be tidying the floats' away??

Good luck! Let us know what happens.. Hee Hee

Original poster

evolucy7 · 26/11/2010 15:41

Jellykat he doesn't teach them when they go with school, a different teacher does, however he was there as Duty Manager this morning...

So I arrive to watch the children and no sign of him...so I go upstairs to watch, and keep an eye out.
My youngest who refuses to swim as she's told to, hence the private lessons with him, decides that she's not going to swim in her school lesson today, so the teacher gets he out of the pool and gives her a telling off, and then she starts swimming...so I run down to reception, and say if he's around and has a minute ask him to come up and see! A few minutes later up he comes, and stands next to me with arms touching Anyway we talk for a bit, and his radio keeps going asking him stuff so then he says I've got to go, never get a minute here, I even eat my lunch on the go, and I say as he's sort of going by the way I'm not a Mrs, just Miss...probably sounded very odd but I decided I had to just get it in. He said oh ok, I couldn't quite work it out, I left him with the thought anyway.
On my way out he was stood at reception facing the stairs as I came down, and he saw me so I went over to talk again, he said he'd talk to the teacher she had just had, amongst other things, then he started taking his fleece off must have been getting hot! Anyway he said its hard knowing how much to push my youngest as she is still 3, and when you tell her to get on with it, she just gives her lovely smile and you don't what to do! She's got him wrapped round her little finger I better take some tips lol
So it goes on....

OP posts:

CheerfulV · 26/11/2010 16:41

It's very tricky isn't it; on the one hand, I'm all for The Rules in terms of not desperately obsessing about someone who is just Not That Bothered. But, due to his job, he could secretly be wondering how to ask you out as well, and be unable to without getting the sack. Quite difficult to know. Do you get, y'know, fancying vibes off him? If you stand close, if there a kind of carnal thing crackling between you, or just friendliness? You could always end up with a new friend even if he's not interested in you. Although that could be a bit odd if you desperately adore and desire him, I suppose.
I'm sure if he really likes you he'll get around to asking you out. I wouldn't give him your number or do anything though. Just wait and see a bit, then give up.

CheerfulV · 26/11/2010 16:43

Whoo, spooky x posting OP about the standing close. Well??

Jellykat · 26/11/2010 17:14

Jellykat · 26/11/2010 17:27

Oooo, yes, so it goes on.. How exciting!

Bloody hell-Possibilities are better then complete nothingness, eh?

I like the bit about arms touching! it's lovely when that happens..

I always believe in the 'slowly, slowly, catchy monkey' theory,any clues to marital status??

Niceguy2 · 26/11/2010 17:53

Did he say "oh ok, I couldn't quite work it out"

"Oh ok"

Original poster

evolucy7 · 26/11/2010 18:01

Absolutely Jellykat....
When he was stood right next to me so that we were touching, I had to stop myself, turning to him, grabbing hold of him and snogging him! There was a whole balcony to stand on at least 8-10 metres wide, there was no-one else there, he could have stood away from me!
He doesn't wear a wedding ring, and he did say that he was more than happy to come in on his weekend off to give my daughter a private lesson, seems odd if he is attached or has children, although there are many other explanations of course, he wants extra money, girlfriend works at the weekend or whatever.

OP posts:

Original poster

evolucy7 · 26/11/2010 18:07

Niceguy, he said 'oh ok' I think, I meant that I couldn't quite work out what he said, it was an odd moment I sort of blurted it out and I think it took him by surprise he was already turning to go back to his work anyway!
He was still very friendly when I spoke to him again about 10 minutes later, when he said what a lovely smile my daughter had and how he couldn't get cross with her when she smiled at him lol

OP posts:

Jellykat · 26/11/2010 18:21

Aaahh.. He does sound scrummy..

Clever detective work required, he wouldn't be on facebook would he?(thinking relationship status).. You don't know anyone who knows him?

If not,you're going to have to chat to the receptionist, i.e 'My daughter loves coming here,'Dave' is so good at teaching,he understands children so well..does he have many himself?'... cheesey as hell, but you get the gist,you need to dig!

Original poster

evolucy7 · 26/11/2010 20:37

Well..I've found him on facebook...now I daren't have too many glasses of wine incase I decide to contact him

OP posts:

Jellykat · 26/11/2010 21:04

Well..?? relationship status??

NNNOOOO Don't you dare contact him that way!Stay away from the wine!!!!

Original poster

evolucy7 · 26/11/2010 21:12

It doesn't say...he has written stuff about his likes etc and some of it's a bit odd! lol. Not at all fitting with what I would have thought!

OP posts:

Jellykat · 26/11/2010 21:18

Like what??? oooer the mind boggles!

Jellykat · 26/11/2010 21:23

I'm sooo tempted to say PM his name and i'll give you a second opinion..That would be bad wouldn't it?

Original poster

evolucy7 · 26/11/2010 21:27

Likes Hardcore Techno...oh dear, I feel a bit old for that...maybe in my uni days but I am a mother now lol!
It also says 'Interested In' Women, Men - does this mean he swings both ways?! or is it simply that as he has friendship in his 'Looking For' section that Men is there for that reason!
I get the impression that he might be single, but perhaps a bit of a lad...or is that just how many men like to come across.....ffs NO MORE WINE

OP posts:

CheerfulV · 26/11/2010 21:31

Ohhhh, pleaaaaaaaase PM me his name, I'm so curious now

Original poster

evolucy7 · 26/11/2010 21:33

pmsl......what have I started

OP posts:

Jellykat · 26/11/2010 21:33

Hardcore techno? how old is he?..

Well lots of people put both sexes down for 'interested in'..doesn't mean much, at least he didn't just put men!

Original poster

evolucy7 · 26/11/2010 21:39

Ok....I must admit I am not a big user of facebook, registered but never really got round to using it so didn't know...well that's a relief.
I think he must be mid 30s about the same as me, but maybe not yet grown up...I do know plenty of men of this age who might put something like that to make out they are still young and cool not heading towards middle age lol

OP posts:

Original poster

evolucy7 · 26/11/2010 21:42

And in 'movies' it says 'Drag me to hell' wtf

OP posts:

Jellykat · 26/11/2010 21:56

A 30something 'Cheesey Quaver'... Hmmm, not good.

so next, if he has more than @150 friends,and a lot of young women in there (i.e 17-21 yr olds) he's a 'player'..

Has he?

'Drag'?? as in cross dressing?? Am just going to investigate that film title..back in a bit

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