I feel a bit sick and over emotional, can somebody tell me what to do now while i calm down.

[fairyfly]

My boys were picked up by their dad on Friday. Not a very reliable man and this was probably a very stupid idea. I have not been able to get through to him on his mobile. The landline has been ignored. I have constantly been rining as i promised my children i would check they were ok daily and get them if they felt unhappy or anything.
My x's girlfriend has just answered the phone and said they are not with her, they are in Scotland, they are with their Grandad who they hardly know. I didn't even tell them thats where they were going and im not allowed to ring them.
I feel sick.

The mercury in his thermometer
Won't rise, just like the barometer
By turns ashen and boiling
In his lap she is toiling
But he just can't unleash his sex bomb at her.

The use of the word 'mercurial' in a poem (sic) is a sure sign of an impotent imagination, IMO.

Message withdrawn

love it, blu.

Its true, He indeed has no dick
He assumes everyone else is fick
Sadly, he is just a total knob
Rather like our mate Rob

I thank you. (love you FF xx)

Message withdrawn

She chose berries,
Bramble bush springtime,

Ahem - does he describe his lovers 'bits' as 'bobbles' here? LOL.

ff - you will have to get this deleted - it will come up in google!

oh but it would be such a shame to lose these.

'Bramble bush springtime'

snort!

supple limbs flex in surrender

Hahahahahahaahahahaahahahahaah

She is probably thinking "ow get off you fat twat"

My personal favourite is the one about the bath. Very moving.

He is a complete and utter...talent.

Yes, something lacking in his closeness to nature.
Got his darling buds of may and season of mists and mellow fruitfulness a bit mixed up, methinks.
I suppose the study of Botany is a bit restricted when conducted from beneath an unwashed duvet cover.

defecation is not a word I've ever thought to use in a poem.

And he thinks his dick is a lighthouse...

Call the men in white coats, quick.

I feel sick and over emotional too now
Can someone explain how fingers breathe? are they kind of panting? if I met him, would he be able to shake hands?

"Sweep us into the hearth" , oh yes, I lurve to be swept into hearths, the romance of it.

And what do the

his dick is a lighthouse?
did he do any biology at school?
is he trying to attract lonely seamen? sorry I am lost

ninah, have you never seen Mork and Mindy?

no wonder adolescent girlfriend is so miserable.

Has nobody found "my name is James" yet?

Have you heard from the grandad today ff? How are your boys?

Mork and Mindy for the breathing fingers that is.

Lighthouse one isn't posted here.

Theres one about me.

I am pissing myself at all this criticism but i am going to get in shit if this comes up in Google, so please no more quotes.

Poetry boy if you get this far and find me, before you say it yourself i'm only jealous, of course, thats exactly what it is.

Hello. My name is James. I like bananas, chocolate, climbing trees and my computer. I hate girls. With their pink socks and long hair they?re funny. My mom says I?m a big boy. Even though I?m eight I?m a man. The man of my house. I look after my sister, she?s a girl but she?s a small one. If you try, you can?t see her she?s tiny, so I don?t mind so much. The stork brought her here. Storks are African, Mrs Hunter said she didn?t know. I don?t know, she?s quite fat. Fat and Pink. A bit like a big fat hairy sausage which you dress. I like sausages. With beans, yummy! Mrs Mcdonald the dinner lady gave me some earlier. With custard for pudding. I like custard. It?s yellow but it?s pink when Mrs Mcdonald makes it magic. Magic Pink custard. My mom says my sister was made with magic then the stork came and dropped her on the doorstep. I think it must have hurt. I fell on the doorstep and cut my knee. ?Look?. I love picking the scabby bits, don?t tell my mum. She?ll tell me off. ?Is my sister full of pink magic custard mum?? She tells me not to be silly. My sister looks like she eats a lot. She is magic. I?m magic. On my last birthday I was 4ft tall but this year I?ve grown four inches. I?m a giant I?m a man. Banana man. He?s cool he?s me I eat bananas and I grow. I?m not yellow though. Monkeys eat bananas and climb trees. Mrs Hunter says monkeys are our relations. My Uncle Bill looks like an orangee-tang. Big fat ginger man. But I couldn?t eat Uncle Bill. He climbs trees. For the Power People. I don?t know if he eats bananas. My mum laughs when I ask. Girls are funny. She doesn?t understand. I like nature. Mrs Hunter lets us watch animals on T.V. Spiders. I?m scared of spiders. Mrs Hunter says its OK we?re safe watching them. I don?t believe her. But a boy spider does magic with a girl spider. She?s not happy. She eats him. Urghhh. I couldn?t do that. Mrs Hunter says that reproduction is part of nature. That they?re making baby spiders. I don?t know. I asked if spider babies came with a stork. Mrs Hunter just shook her head and smiled. Perhaps mum will know. She doesn?t so I ask if she ate my daddy like the girl spider eats the boy spider. She smiles ?no son?. She cries. I?m sorry. But its OK mum my sister and me go and buy some treats to make us happy. I like bananas, chocolate, climbing trees and my computer. I?m the man of my house. Magic custard, sausages and scabby knees. I?m eight years old.

afraid not anorak, we didn't have tv in those days
Maybe that's why I don't understand

ROFL, honestly, one of the best posts I've read on mumsnet Jan.