My DD3 has stage 4 Cancer

[ToddlerMumma]

We are in shock, horror, disbelief. Last week she had a sore leg and went to A&E, now she has stage 4 Neuroblastoma and chemo starts on Tuesday.
She's only 3 but she's taking it in her stride. She cried the other night and said 'I don't want to be sick, I just want to go to nursery with my friends' it broke my heart.
The implications are just hitting, our whole lives are turned upside down for at least a year. One of us will have to give up work, how will we cope? Financially, emotionally.
I have a black lump in my stomach and can't believe this is happening to us

I don't have any experience but Im so sorry for you & your dd, what an awful shock.

No advice to offer, beyond be kind to yourselves, it is a terrible, terrible shock and it’s going to take a long time to get to grips with
Much love and strength to you all 💐

I am so sorry to hear your awful news.
She sounds so brave, as do you.

If it means anything to you, I'll keep you in my prayers tonight.

Do you have anyone not immediately involved, who you can talk to and offload, when needed?

You sound like fighters to me. Thos is devestating news, but you will be strong for her. You're in my thoughts. Reach out to family and friends.

No advice to offer, you must be shell shocked, please keep us updated about your DD, I will pray for you tonight.

Terrible news for you and your family. Reach out to trusted people for support. There are specialist staff who can also provide support.

So so sorry.

I am so very sorry about your DD's diagnosis. Wishing you all the strength and luck
Do you have any other children? Do you have supportive family and friends? Take all the help that's offered and look after yourselves as much as you can. Are you sleeping and eating ok?

Macmillan and other cancer charities can offer emotional support and practical help. They should be able to help you to apply for any benefits and grants that you are entitled to. I think you should be entitled to DLA for your daughter.

You might not have to give up work completely, you could negotiate an unpaid career break or take unpaid parental leave for a while - check your contract / staff handbook and talk to your boss and/or HR.

If going down to one income, depending on that income and other factors, you might be entitled to Universal Credit. Macmillan/another cancer charity or Citizens Advice can help you work out whether you are entitled and if so how much.

I'm so sorry, OP. This must be terrifying. I can't offer any advice, but wish you and your family well.

Information and advice about claiming DLA
contact.org.uk/help-for-families/information-advice-services/benefits-financial-help/benefits-and-tax-credits/disability-living-allowance/

I forgot to mention that if one of gives up work to look after DD you can claim Carer's Allowance. This is dependent on her getting DLA but IIRC you can claim when DLA is awarded and backdate it to the start of her DLA claim. Contact A Family will be able to advise on that too.

Plus possibly UC as mentioned above.

Some links for you
www.rainbowtrust.org.uk/support-for-families
www.childrenwithcancer.org.uk/about-us/what-we-do/welfare-projects/
www.make-a-wish.org.uk/wishes/

Find your nearest Maggies centre www.maggies.org they are amazing and helped me so very much xx

for you and your DD and for the chemo to work

Like many other posters I have no advice to add as I've never been in this situation but I am just offering my heartfelt best wishes and luck for the journey ahead 🤞

I'm so sorry, OP. You must be reeling.

I sincerely hope the treatment is successful and your daughter is back with her friends in nursery soon.

So sorry that this has happened to your little girl and that as a mother you are going through this too.
You are in my thoughts ❤️

No advice but I'm sending you a massive hug xxxx

Sending love and all best wishes to you and your family

Sending love you are in my prayers tonight

I am so sorry OP. If anyone offers help, say thank you as you never know what you will need along the way. Try and get as much support as possible in place before you need it. Ensure both you and your OH have time to yourself to decompress - you will need it: this is a marathon and not a sprint. Good luck.

Sending much love. You will get through this. As someone has mentioned, DLA and carers allowance are two benefits. Possibly UC and having DLA enhances the allowance. Lean on whoever you can, involve others. Take one day at a time x

I don't know what industries you and your partner are in, but could you take a years sabitical to at least keep your job safe?
I'm so sorry, I have nothing helpful to say, but I wish your whole family all the best.

So sorry you and your family are going through this. Please reach out to some of the children's Cancer charities, they are such a support with both practical advice and emotional support.
Will be keeping your dd in my thoughts x

@AnotherEmma thank you so much for your advice and links. Yes, we also have an 18 month old who doesn't understand why her big sister isn't going to nursery with her or why they can't jump on each other anymore (DD3 has a Hickman line which she's very protective of). Work are being ok for now but will expect me back at some point. We can survive on my wage so it will be my husband who takes sabbatical I think. We can't live off his wages. It's been such a whirlwind. Perhaps it will be easier when we get into the routine of chemo (every 10 days for 3 months)
I feel I have no idea what I'm doing, I'm trying to listen and remember and learn everything and it's so much to take on in a short space of time. Hence the one day at a time... it's too big and ugly to deal with all at once

Its very difficult yobtake things in when you're,so shocked so record your conversations at the hospital etc so you can relisten later. They don't mind (as long as you ask, obvs.) It can be very helpful as it's amazing how much you forget or even remember wrongly.