Mum has pancreatic cancer

[oldbaghere]

He has a few months at most

Fuck

Oldbaghere..to repeat someone earlier you are not thick you are in shock. Please don't beat yourself up at all. You clearly love your mum very much and are suffering right now, a few typos are allowed. I am so sorry for you, your mum and all of your family. I have no experience of this disease but I am sure the wise world of mn will talk you through it. So sorry.

Kids will be here shortly. I have to be strong for them and dad.

Practical head on - Macmillan, talk to her doctors, get support in place. Pain management? She's already in a lot of pain so hope that can be managed.

Macmillan nurses were great with my mum. The hospice was full as it was just before Christmas so my aunt and I looked after her at home-couldn't have coped without the nurses. They will do personal care and keep her comfortable, pain relief etc.

They are absolutely brilliant with pain relief these days whether in hospital or staying at home.

Old bag. Hugs to you. Be calm for your lovely mum. Take her lead. Sometimes people insisting there must be a cure (when there isn't) detracts from a focus of making the remaining time comfortable and as happy as possible. It's so hard to accept. You can still do lots for her.

oldbaghere you are not thick, you are upset and angry. So sorry to hear your sad news, I hope you have someone with you, if not the amazing Mners will be here for you.

Just painkillers

Nothing they can do at all

I'm so sorry.

You are not thick, you are in shock.

You don't have to be strong - just be honest.
Lots of people being strong for other people or to protect other people often means that nobody says what needs saying.

'Nothing to be done' may mean no curative options.
The meeting on Friday is likely to discuss what can be done apart from curing her.
It is shit, there is no denying that, but you and your mum and your whole family will need some time to digest this news.

How old are your kids? Be honest with them, but age appropriate. Saying to a younger child 'I am upset because I just found out that gran is very ill' is honest and does not overburden them. To a teen/young adult saying 'She's got cancer of the pancreas' would be right.

Most people don't hear anything further once the word 'cancer' has been said which is why further meetings are so important.
Write questions down.
Don't hesitate to ask about anything you don't understand.
Look at the MacMillan website or CAncerCare UK.

Be kind to yourself.

I'm so sorry. DH's Mum died of pancreatic cancer 8 years ago. She died 3 mths after diagnosis, but up until the last couple of weeks she had a pretty good quality of life - still able to look after herself and live at home, and she was able to put everything in order (which was really important to her).

Big hugs, so hard to hear difficult news, especially at this time of year.

Palliative care is brilliant in looking after pain relief and quality of life, rather than prolonging life or cure.

You have had the rug pulled out from underneath you .

MacMillan on pancreatic cancer.

Kids are all teens.

Have told them

Thank,you all so much you are fantastic.

She has had pain for months but no one seemed to take it seriously. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck

We are here and we are listening.

My friend's dad had pancreatic cancer, and very sadly passed away this January. He lived for over a year post-diagnosis.

It's a shitty, shitty disease, and I'm so sorry your lovely mum has been diagnosed.

Like the others are saying, you are not thick. You are in shock. To learn that a loved one has cancer regardless of the outcome is a hugely upsetting and shocking experience. Let the emotion out and look after yourself too. I ended up an exhausted, emotional and very depressed wreck when my DM was diagnosed. Make sure you talk to people and try and keep yourself in the best possible health - both mental and physical - so you can support her but you also need people supporting you. I ended up being put on very mild antidepressants as I couldn't get through an hour (let alone) a day without crying.

Keep posting op. We are all here for you

I'm really sorry this is happening to you and your family.

So sorry you've just had this news oldbaghere, I had the same phone call about my mum in June, she's not with us anymore but she finished everything she wanted to do. She will likely get angry because it's just not fair. Please get in touch with Macmillan, age concern helped with mums care towards the end and an amazing organization called hospice at home looked after her and us on her last day.

Do ask her to get a referral to a dietician, they really can help.

Be gentle with yourself

It is a crappy diagnosis.
But some people do beat the odds - my DM's friend was diagnosed some 30+ years ago and not that long ago died of something totally unrelated.

Seriously, try to take one day at a time if you can.

I am so sorry. My young children lost their father on Friday to cancer :(

It has been an awful time and will be for a long time no doubt.

Much love and hugs to you xx

OP a few typos don't mean anything at all. Whether you call her 'mum' or 'my mum' you obviously adore her, we can tell that much. The fact you are making these mistakes shows just how much you love your mum in fact which is why you are struggling to even type. I hope you are all together soon.

Macmillian have been awesome for us.

So have a certain hospice in my area.

My kids father was in some pain, I won't lie, but towards the end he was looked after extremely well, had lots of morphine and they controlled his pain well.

Please stop saying you are thick, you are in shock and that is perfectly normal.

I hate cancer, I hate that anyone has to go through it or watch a loved one die of it :(

SamU2, love and strength to you and your children x.