Mum has pancreatic cancer

[oldbaghere]

He has a few months at most

Fuck

[gaelicsheep]

Oh no Spero, I'm so sorry. And I'm so sorry for you OldBag. I've read through the whole thread and I recognise so much of what you're feeling.

My mum is suffering with advanced cancer that has now spread throughout her abdomen. She was given 3 or 4 months, possibly longer with palliative chemo (if it is effective), but things have moved on so fast she's currently too weak to start the chemo (it was meant to start today).

I totally get the way people find themselves reacting to hospices. When my Dad told me a few days ago that Mum was being admitted to the hospice I did panic. I thought they were places that people go to die. But as others have said, they're really not. What they are doing is trying to get her dreadful symptoms under control and restore some comfort, and hopefully get her managing to eat a bit again. Whether the chemo will ever happen now, whether it would do more harm than good, I don't know.

Big hugs to everyone on this thread going through this. xx

[Spero]

My poor dad. He has just broken down on the phone saying she has been with him 47 years and he can't imagine life without her. I am so sorry for everyone who has had to go through this. He told me not to come tomorrow but I have insisted and I think he is quite glad now.

[PacificDogwood]

Oh, crap, Spero, I am so, so sorry to hear this .
I am trying to curtail my MNing, but sending you and your mother best wishes.

[Spero]

Thank you so much for this thread. I just found out my mum has pancreatic cancer today - it has spread to her liver and the doctors say she has only a few months left. I am going to see her in hospital tomorrow. I am trying to read up on some stuff tonight.

[BettySwollocksandaCrustyRack]

Just wondering how things are Oldbag?

My lovely mum had lung cancer in 2010 - a terribly difficult time for everyone.

Thinkng of you. x

[minmooch]

I've just read your thread with tears in my eyes. Cancer, whatever type, is just horrendous to go through and to watch loved ones go through. My DS was diagnosed with an aggressive brain tumour just before his 16th birthday, a month before Christmas two years ago. He has survived standard treatment but so has the tumour. We stopped his last ditch palliative care chemo as it was making him too ill.

Christmas is very hard when you have an ill loved one. The only thing you can do is make every moment count - which is extremely difficult when the ill person does not feel well enough to do anything. I want to whisk my son around the world and cram in every life opportunity but the reality is he just is not well enough.

It's hard but we love and laugh every day because at the end if the day that is what is important.

I wish you and your family strength xx

[PacificDingbat]

Sometimes that's the only thing. Or chocolate....

[oldbaghere]

So many things are driving me nuts. If I wrote them all down I'd a - explode b - cry c - out myself totally.

Pass the gin?

[Tiredtrout]

I was thinking of you yesterday, glad you updated, I hope you can sort out the pain relief, my mum was so stubborn with it and kept refusing it, she didn't like feeling fuzzy headed. It's so good you had a nice day I hope you get to have more

[Mignonette]

Not pathetic at all Oldbag.

Actually thinking about the 'last this' does help at times because it keeps you in the moment.

An advance treatment plan via a Hospice avoids an A&E admission if your Mum has an unexpected side effect/pain etc which would be awfully uncomfortable for her, involving dealy etc whilst a search for a bed is made. Without one, A&E would need to get an assessment for hospice treatment and if there are no beds, she'd not go there. If she has hospice involvement set up in advance, they can plan for any admission.

It means she can be taken straight to a hospice for stabilising and symptomatic relief. Maybe McMillan can talk to her and your Father to try to help them understand that hospices have many functions these days.

Love to you.

[PacificDingbat]

Not self-indulgent and not whining - everything you post sounds like a totally rational reaction to a horrible situation .
Glad you had a good day though - I bet your mum did too, in spite of pain. Silly grandchildren tend to have quite a therapeutic effect on their GP .

Yes, sounds like painkillers could do with going up again - I hope this can be discussed with her dr today?

[oldbaghere]

I know Santas and it was really a great day - it's just this terrible sword over our heads of the fact that it will be the last. It's going to be the last this and the last that - I know I shouldn't think that way but it is.

[SantasPelvicFloor]

It would be pathetic to be your exH or your SiL...not you.

I often look at my parents and wonder if it will be their last Christmas/summer/birthday etc because they are v elderly and I treasure each time with them. Perhaps I'm pathetic but I regard it as loving treasuring of special people

[oldbaghere]

Hi all

Sorry for self indulgent whine. Went over yesterday with the kids for boxing day as couldn't go christmas day due to the ex and his dickheadedness.

We had a good day, kids were fantastic, great fun, lots of laughs, including DS2 putting on DD's present of hat, scarf, two bras, and 3 pairs of knickers. There is a photograph and it may find its way on to facebook .....

But. Mum was clearly in a lot of pain. Has quadrupled her slow release painkiller since the initial dose that was given on monday and is needing the quick release squirt every 2 hours. So it probably needs increased again.

And when I looked at the pics I took last night, I think she is looking quite jaundiced.

And I cried on the way home because I know that will be the last ever Christmas. Pathetic, huh?

[waterlego6064]

Hello Oldbag, have just come across this thread.

I'm so very sorry to hear of your mum's diagnosis and recognise so many of the feelings being spoken about here. I hope you have a good time with your parents today, and that your mum is feeling well enough to join in with the games.

I echo what others have said about hospices. I had never set foot in one before this year and had all those negative connotations about 'places people go to die', and although of course many people do die in hospices; they are incredible places with devoted staff who really can make a huge difference at such a crucial time in a family's life.

I lost both of my parents to cancer this year. Mum: stomach cancer with liver mets, 9 months from diagnosis to death. Dad: multiple brain tumours (originating from a melanoma), 4 weeks from diagnosis to death.

It has been an appalling time for us all but the care from the hospice made a huge difference to ALL of us. I will never forget the loving care and dignity they were able to give my parents in their final weeks; nor will I forget their compassion for my brother and me, and our families.

It is a totally holistic setting- the medical side is just a tiny part of what they do. But they do that damned well- I was so grateful for their total refusal to accept my mum being in pain- they tried numerous different drugs and combinations of drugs until they found a way to get her comfortable.

And if your mum isn't near the end just yet, then a hospice can provide excellent respite for a short time. Do you think your parents would be willing to go and have a look round to just get a feel of the place?

Sending you very much love and strength to get through this awful time.

[oldbaghere]

I tried cracking a whip last night. They laughed

We leave around 12 for mum and dads.

[PacificDingbat]

My house looks like a bomb has hit [oneupmanship]

Hope you had a nice time.

[SantasPelvicFloor]

Mine too

When the teens finally surface I will be cracking a whip

[oldbaghere]

My living room looks like a bomb has hit

[Tiredtrout]

Hope you had a good sleep, have a lovely Christmas

[SantasPelvicFloor]

Sounds like a brilliant plan for you. Sleep well

[oldbaghere]

Thanks all.

If all goes well we are having a family board game grudge match on Boxing Day. Trivial pursuit and scrabble. The last time we played it all got rather competitive

I've hit a brick wall. Very tired. Have sleeping tablets the doc gave me so I might get to bed and take one.

Merry Christmas and hugs to all.

[ChineseFireball]

oldbaghere thinking of you and wishing you a lovely family day. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

[PacificDingbat]

I really hope you find a way to make this Christmas a cheerful one, somehow.
There's memories to be made, and they better be nice ones.

Naff stockings all sitting in a row sounds really cheerful . There you go, nice memory no.1
Don't think that this kind of thing is trivial - it isn't.

Wishing you a peaceful Christmas night and a nice family day tomorrow.

[oldbaghere]

Thanks santas. Kids are due here tomorrow pm I've just done their stockings I couldn't find the grown up ones so went to poundland and got totally cheesy ones for them has fair cheered me up to see them sitting on the sofa.

No tree. No decs. I could not face it. But stockings in a line has made me smile.