My feed
Premium
Please
or
to access all these features

Mumsnet doesn't verify the qualifications of users. If you have medical concerns, please consult a healthcare professional.

MNHQ have commented on this thread

Life-limiting illness

Mum has pancreatic cancer

234 replies

oldbaghere · 16/12/2013 19:09

He has a few months at most

Fuck

OP posts:
Report
Bahhhhhumbug · 16/12/2013 20:02

SamU2 Sad so sorry to hear that and so strong you are to come on here to comfort someone else at this awful time.

Report
oldbaghere · 16/12/2013 20:03

oh sam i;'m so sorry that puts it all in perspective many hugs

OP posts:
Report
Sallystyle · 16/12/2013 20:06

No, loss is loss, no matter your age, nothing makes it easier xx

Feel free to PM me anytime. I will never forget the support I have been given and would love to pass that on to others.

I should say that he was my ex, but we were very very close.

Please continue to lean on us.

Report
Flappingandflying · 16/12/2013 20:08

Sam so sorry. How hard.

My father died of this in March 2012. Although he never had a primary, all the symptoms were pancreatic not diagnosed by his utterly crap doctor. He w as walking everywhere until Cristmas 2011. In January he started getting breathless. The worst thing was that he kept filling up with fluid which then had to be drained. Fortunately, I think, he went very suddenly as his heart gave out. It was a fairly awful hour and a half but he would have hated to be incapacitated in any way. He was 87, very hale and hearty up until the last couple of months.

Give yourself time OP and perhaps after Christmas fesearch hospices and what your mother wants and what your father and family can cope with.

You are not thick. You are in shock.

Report
Mymumsfurcoat · 16/12/2013 20:08

You poor thing, it's a bastard disease. I lost my adored sister to it last year. We didn't much rate our McMillan nurse (probably the luck of the draw) but Marie Curie were fantastic, as were the Red Cross. Sending you and yours hugs.

Report
thegreylady · 16/12/2013 20:11

So sorry-pancreatic is a nasty one and what an awful time to find out. Pain management will be possible and it is worth looking into local hospices for respite to get the pain under control.
Yes yes to Macmillan, they can and will help you. There will be some treatment, likely to be palliative rather than curative but may offer a decent quality of life for a time and may extend for a while.Make sure you ask about side effects before deciding on chemo.
Try to keep yourself together but don't be afraid to vent on here.Don't worry about typos or swearing.
I am so very very sorry. My mum died of multiple myeloma and her pain was well controlled in hospital.
I had breast cancer 7 years ago.

Report
oldbaghere · 16/12/2013 20:14

her fucking doctor was fucking useless she's had stomach pain since the summer.

OP posts:
Report
oldbaghere · 16/12/2013 20:15

but it probably would have made no difference. why now right in the teeth of christmas it's a cunt.

OP posts:
Report
PacificDingbat · 16/12/2013 21:04

It is one of the (many) shitty things about pancreatic ca - often really difficult to pick up, does not show up on ultrasound scans and can present with v unspecific symptoms.

Yes, the time of year makes a difference too, doesn't it? So sorry Thanks

Report
oldbaghere · 16/12/2013 21:41

She is no sicker today than she was yesterday the only differnece is we know.

and the last thing she would want is some sort of long drawn out living wake so fucking sure we aren't doing that

OP posts:
Report
oldbaghere · 16/12/2013 21:59

I've asked HQ to move this and they have so thank you to whoever did that. Thanks

OP posts:
Report
thegreylady · 16/12/2013 23:02

The trouble is that it is so difficult to diagnose.It presents with no symptoms to speak of in the early stages.Stomach pain has so many other causes that unless there is something else like jaundice then pc probably won't spring to mind.
Shitty is the word indeed.
Hang in there love.

Report
oldbaghere · 17/12/2013 05:52

I've googled the symptoms. new onset diabetes tick dvt tick stomach pain tick lack of appetite tick bowel problems tick nausea tick

and today I have to go to work and somehow put one foot in front of the other.

OP posts:
Report
CiderwithBuda · 17/12/2013 06:01

I am sorry. It's a bastard disease.

Report
Tiredtrout · 17/12/2013 06:03

You will manage oldbaghere it's all a bit shit but you and your mum will get some info soon.

Report
oldbaghere · 17/12/2013 06:13

Is it terrible to wish they hadn't told us til after christmas?

OP posts:
Report
oldbaghere · 17/12/2013 06:22

I asked my ex if I could have the kids on Christmas day because it's his year and I'm supposed to have them boxing day.

He said he'll get back to me but it depends on his sister in law who does a rigid year about thing and if it doesn't suit her it'll be a no. If she says no I shall call her every fucking cunting bastard under the sun and let the world know.

OP posts:
Report
peeohayess · 17/12/2013 06:37

So sorry oldbaghere. My dad has oesophageal cancer and is 8 weeks into a 3 month prognosis. It is shit and stressful, and I don't even have a good relationship with my dad. You can get lots of support from Macmillan or from the palliative care nurses and they are there for you as well as for your mum. x

Report
oldbaghere · 17/12/2013 06:43

hugs to everyone who is gonig through this

OP posts:
Report
mynameisnotmichaelcaine · 17/12/2013 06:46

So sorry you are going through this. I lost my adored Mum to a brain tumour ten years ago in January. Where you are right now is the worst place. Such a terrible shock. I found it almost unbearable watching my strong, capable Mum become helpless. Please come and talk to us all to help you through. Much love to you.

Report
oldbaghere · 17/12/2013 06:49

why wouod you even have to ask if it was me and he had asked me i'd have said yes and sorted it out wih my family after but he said he has to ask his sil first why shows how selfish she is and how spineless he is

OP posts:
Report
oldbaghere · 17/12/2013 10:33

He says no. He says he asked his sister in law and she said no so I can't have my kids on Christmas Day

He is a bastarding cunting arsehole wanker. And she is worse. Fuck the fucking lot of them.

OP posts:
Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

CiderwithBuda · 17/12/2013 10:44

His SIL has said no? Sod her!

Your DCs are teens you say? What do they want? Can they talk to your x and say they want Xmas day with you given the circumstances?

Report
oldbaghere · 17/12/2013 10:47

He spoke to some of the kids last night and they told him they didn't mind. Apparently.

I have told him if he doesn't give me chrostmas with my kids this year I shall never ever forgive and forget and his name will be mud to me for ever more.

And I hope to duck she is a mnetter and recognises herself. You utter cow.

OP posts:
Report
thegreylady · 17/12/2013 12:48

I think you should simply refuse to let him have the kids on Christmas day.In all probability this will be your Mum's last Christmas.tell him to take you to court if he dare. Talk to your dc and explain the 'why' of it.This matters.
Contact his sil and spell it out and tell her what you are doing and why.
They have no right to make a shit situation even worse for you all.

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.