Mum has pancreatic cancer

[oldbaghere]

He has a few months at most

Fuck

[longjane]

Well if can face crowds go the posh shops they will empty but will have every thing you need.

I have just remember I don't have nice gravy but shop shut at 4 so I am done.

Shop are also open Boxing Day.

[PacificDingbat]

Do you have rice? Oven chips in the freezer? Carrots? Onions?
You could do a modified Delia's Winter Vegetables with whatever you have in the fridge and freezer. V easy and delicious.

[oldbaghere]

Oh crap. One onion.

[Mignonette]

Loads of us don't have a massive Christmas lunch. It's a roast dinner that is all. Chicken is fine.

Keep it low key. Don't stretch yourself. Conserve your physical and mental energy.

[Shakshuka]

I was reading this oldbag and I'm so so sorry.

Both my parents have cancer, my mum died from it recently. I really feel your pain.

i agree about the stats. My Mum, with stage 4 breast cancer, was told at the beginning of Oct that the median life expectancy for her would be 18-24 months, she was dead two weeks later :( On the other hand my Dad, with stage 4 lung cancer, has a median life expectancy of 8 months from diagnosis. 18 months later, he's still here and doing well.

Median survival or life expectancy is the length of time by which half of the people will have died (and conversely, half will still be alive).

A word of caution from my experience - if your mum doesn't have very long and is in pain DO NOT go to hospital. Go directly to a hospice if you can. They are excellent in end of life care and controlling the pain. My mum was treated atrociously in hospital, they couldn't manage her pain because her condition was deteriorating so fast. It was really awful and I've submitted a formal complaint. The transport to the hospice was also horrendous. But once we got to the hospice, the care was amazing. It was also a much nicer environment for children to come visit and spend time with my Mum or for a family member to stay the night.

I'm so sorry you're going through this and at this time of year. I hope you do get some answers and decent care.

[oldbaghere]

Right. I have a plan. I have wine. I have a turkey breast joint in the fridge. Ham is out of the freezers. Veggies I'll do something. Starter is melon and desserts are the ones I already had. I have a cheese board.

Mum wants to do Xmas if she's up to it so might all be up the left again but what odds. I can cook the turkey and ham and freeze it cooked.

[JulieJingleBellsMumsnet]

Hi,

We've been asked to move this into 'life limiting illnesses' by oldbaghere.

We're all thinking of you, oldbag.

[oldbaghere]

Thanks Julie. I hope you all have a great Christmas. Get off here and get some gin

[SantasPelvicFloor]

Oldbag I really hope you have a lovely day with family and put things aside as much as you can. I also hope your parents can see hospice as the place who 'treat' people who have a terminal illness rather than a place to die

[oldbaghere]

Thanks santas. Kids are due here tomorrow pm I've just done their stockings I couldn't find the grown up ones so went to poundland and got totally cheesy ones for them has fair cheered me up to see them sitting on the sofa.

No tree. No decs. I could not face it. But stockings in a line has made me smile.

[PacificDingbat]

I really hope you find a way to make this Christmas a cheerful one, somehow.
There's memories to be made, and they better be nice ones.

Naff stockings all sitting in a row sounds really cheerful . There you go, nice memory no.1
Don't think that this kind of thing is trivial - it isn't.

Wishing you a peaceful Christmas night and a nice family day tomorrow.

[ChineseFireball]

oldbaghere thinking of you and wishing you a lovely family day. I'm so sorry you are going through this.

[oldbaghere]

Thanks all.

If all goes well we are having a family board game grudge match on Boxing Day. Trivial pursuit and scrabble. The last time we played it all got rather competitive

I've hit a brick wall. Very tired. Have sleeping tablets the doc gave me so I might get to bed and take one.

Merry Christmas and hugs to all.

[SantasPelvicFloor]

Sounds like a brilliant plan for you. Sleep well

[Tiredtrout]

Hope you had a good sleep, have a lovely Christmas

[oldbaghere]

My living room looks like a bomb has hit

[SantasPelvicFloor]

Mine too

When the teens finally surface I will be cracking a whip

[PacificDingbat]

My house looks like a bomb has hit [oneupmanship]

Hope you had a nice time.

[oldbaghere]

I tried cracking a whip last night. They laughed

We leave around 12 for mum and dads.

[waterlego6064]

Hello Oldbag, have just come across this thread.

I'm so very sorry to hear of your mum's diagnosis and recognise so many of the feelings being spoken about here. I hope you have a good time with your parents today, and that your mum is feeling well enough to join in with the games.

I echo what others have said about hospices. I had never set foot in one before this year and had all those negative connotations about 'places people go to die', and although of course many people do die in hospices; they are incredible places with devoted staff who really can make a huge difference at such a crucial time in a family's life.

I lost both of my parents to cancer this year. Mum: stomach cancer with liver mets, 9 months from diagnosis to death. Dad: multiple brain tumours (originating from a melanoma), 4 weeks from diagnosis to death.

It has been an appalling time for us all but the care from the hospice made a huge difference to ALL of us. I will never forget the loving care and dignity they were able to give my parents in their final weeks; nor will I forget their compassion for my brother and me, and our families.

It is a totally holistic setting- the medical side is just a tiny part of what they do. But they do that damned well- I was so grateful for their total refusal to accept my mum being in pain- they tried numerous different drugs and combinations of drugs until they found a way to get her comfortable.

And if your mum isn't near the end just yet, then a hospice can provide excellent respite for a short time. Do you think your parents would be willing to go and have a look round to just get a feel of the place?

Sending you very much love and strength to get through this awful time.

[oldbaghere]

Hi all

Sorry for self indulgent whine. Went over yesterday with the kids for boxing day as couldn't go christmas day due to the ex and his dickheadedness.

We had a good day, kids were fantastic, great fun, lots of laughs, including DS2 putting on DD's present of hat, scarf, two bras, and 3 pairs of knickers. There is a photograph and it may find its way on to facebook .....

But. Mum was clearly in a lot of pain. Has quadrupled her slow release painkiller since the initial dose that was given on monday and is needing the quick release squirt every 2 hours. So it probably needs increased again.

And when I looked at the pics I took last night, I think she is looking quite jaundiced.

And I cried on the way home because I know that will be the last ever Christmas. Pathetic, huh?

[SantasPelvicFloor]

It would be pathetic to be your exH or your SiL...not you.

I often look at my parents and wonder if it will be their last Christmas/summer/birthday etc because they are v elderly and I treasure each time with them. Perhaps I'm pathetic but I regard it as loving treasuring of special people

[oldbaghere]

I know Santas and it was really a great day - it's just this terrible sword over our heads of the fact that it will be the last. It's going to be the last this and the last that - I know I shouldn't think that way but it is.

[PacificDingbat]

Not self-indulgent and not whining - everything you post sounds like a totally rational reaction to a horrible situation .
Glad you had a good day though - I bet your mum did too, in spite of pain. Silly grandchildren tend to have quite a therapeutic effect on their GP .

Yes, sounds like painkillers could do with going up again - I hope this can be discussed with her dr today?

[Mignonette]

Not pathetic at all Oldbag.

Actually thinking about the 'last this' does help at times because it keeps you in the moment.

An advance treatment plan via a Hospice avoids an A&E admission if your Mum has an unexpected side effect/pain etc which would be awfully uncomfortable for her, involving dealy etc whilst a search for a bed is made. Without one, A&E would need to get an assessment for hospice treatment and if there are no beds, she'd not go there. If she has hospice involvement set up in advance, they can plan for any admission.

It means she can be taken straight to a hospice for stabilising and symptomatic relief. Maybe McMillan can talk to her and your Father to try to help them understand that hospices have many functions these days.

Love to you.