Trying to conceive with a bisexual husband

[Thesquirrel]

My husband and I have been together for 6 years and married for 1 year. He is bisexual. He goes to saunas to have sx with other men. I have known about this for a long time and am comfortable with it. There is obviously a risk he will catch an STD so we practice safe sx. Last year he caught syphillis, but didn't pass it on to me.

In August we decided to start TTC. He stopped going to the sauna and had STD checks - all clear. To be totally clear of HIV we need to wait 3 months before having unprotected s*x. Last week he told me he was desperate to go to the sauna and didn't think he could hold out for the full 3 months. He ended up going and now I feel completely deflated - I have been so looking forward to having a baby, and it seems like we'll never make it through the 3 months (and further months depending on how long it takes to conceive). He feels terrible and really guilty.

Has anyone else been in this situation?

I know what Saunas are like. I had a very out there gay best friend in my late teens early 20's who was exploring every avenue of Gay life so to speak. It's all glory holes and the like - can be quite a dangerous way to live. Not really conducive to being a hands-on Dad with a newborn....

I think it's fair to say that this thread isn't for real.

However, I would still like to make a point that many of my friends are bisexual: they are all faithful and devoted to their partners. I'm horrified on their behalf at this 'bisexual = unfaithful' equation.

I personally think a lot of people are being judgemental of this lady's situation. I agree that this man doesn't sound capable of being a good dad, but neither are many other dads.

Does your partner really want a baby to be biologically his? If not, could you conceive by donor sperm instead?

I'm single and plan on having a baby with a gay friend who is desperate to be a dad, and I think he'll make a very good hands on dad, regardless of who he chooses to fuck.

I have no problem with gay/ bisexual relationships but is your husband having sex one man or lots of different men? Being bi shouldn't mean being a slut.
You may not have a problem with your husband's(frankly disgusting)sexual behaviour but your child will grow and these things have a habit of getting out ( let's face it, it's juicy stuff for gossip mongers)... you choose to put up with it but what choice will your teenage son/daughter have?
Yeugh............

Clearly this adult and consenting couple have decided to have a non-monogmous relationship.

Therefore I think it is out-of-order to be so sodding judgemental about the fact that they can't be good loving parents or partners.

Their situation isn't disgusting or even intolerable if it is what they have decided. What the hell should they adhere to monogamy? That certainly isn't the only kind of relationship (even committed) one out there.

I think it is possible to have all sorts of relationships and still have and raise happy, well-adjusted children. And I would want MUCH more info before dismissing them as unable to do this.

That said.......

In response to Thesquirrel, I think one of those Big Sit Down conversations about what you feel happy about and what he wants is in order. If you would like children but are worried about STDs, how worried are you? Would safe sex be enough to alleviate your concerns or is it abstinence you need (from him in regard to other partners) to feel okay?
As far as he is concerned... Is he worried about conceiving? Has he got cold feet? or is it that he has a very high sex drive and genuinely finds it very difficult to give up that aspect of himself for a time? If so, is there a compromise? Safer sex or a delay or maybe more professional help to ensure nice healthy sperm!

Anyway, I do hope you find the answers you were looking for and aren't upset by the implication by a couple of posters that you are in someway less than adequate as a couple or potential mother.

I don't dispute that the couple are consenting... what about the child??
If the OP felt that this was all ok, she wouldn't be posting about it would she?
She quite rightly doesn't want to catch anything. Can't say I blame her either.
She must have surely known that other folk would find this distasteful in the extreme??

I'm sorry squirrel, I'm sure you're lovely. Although I doubt you care what I think at this stage.
I'll go....

Thesquirell, do you get to shag about or is it just your DH? It doesn't seem a very equal partnership if you are not pursuing an open relationship. Are you genuinely happy with this situation or just so scared of losing him that you will tolerate just about anything? If you are truly happy then you should have a baby but perhaps see you GP about how to go about safely (sperm storage etc). If, however, you are terrified of life without and are desperately trying to hold on to him then you should re-think about having a baby. A small child has to be one of the most stressful situations a couple can face. Many happy marriages break up because of the strain.

TBH he sounds a lot more gay than he does bi-sexual. Sorry.

I notice the OP has fucked off now.

Forget the biscuit, I actually have nothing to say on this matter except................................

Warrra fackin libertayyyy

Oh and of course - TROLL

I fail to see the connection to child consent.

We don't choose our parents and if they do not fit a particular norm then that hardly means they can't be good parents.

It could be argued (and is by some) that a child with gay parents will face a harder time, is anyone suggesting that gay couples are not good parents? I don't think so, so why should a heterosexual couple having an open relationship be stigmatised thus? And how would a child's consent be relevant?

A child does not get to choose the situation they are born into, we as a society hope to protect children from damage. Putting aside health issues for a moment, I see nothing inherent about a couple having an open relationship being damaging to a child. I believe that two adults can be both committed to their child and either not together or together but happy to see other people or together and monogamous or probably several other variations.

I think the health concerns are the single biggest point here, not the nature of the OP's relationship.

(and as for distasteful? well bugger me if they don't fit in!)

Yeah but Dittany people did say she was a doormat and mad to be considering parenthood etc and implied that she and he together would be A Bad Idea.

I wholeheartedly agree the STDs and health concerns need to be addressed, I just suggest that the fact that he and/or she sleep with people outside their own relationship isn't in and of itself a reason that they shouldn't have children.

Indeed I suggested they talk to each other about what they really want and how they can achieve it safely.

I wouldn't mix DNA with this man. He can't even abstain from fucking about for three months. The likelihood of him committing to a child, for good times and bad, is not good. How you conduct your marriage is your own business, but adding a child into this mix seems like a bad idea.

Is she back yet? Hmmmm... think we've been had.

or maybe she is just hearing what she didnt want to hear and fucked off.