What would/did you do if your adult child started hormones?

[whoawhoawhoa]

Would like to hear opinions. My DD (thinks she’s trans) is an adult and goes to uni and therefore I have no control over whether or not she tries to start hormones and I strongly suspect she will. I don’t want her doing this as I believe she’s been brainwashed by the trans trend and I don’t want her to make permanent changes to her body, but she’s an adult and I can’t stop her. Was wondering if anyone else is in a similar position or has been and could tell me what you did or plan to do? She won’t listen to anything I say or try to explain to her. If she does go on hormones should I just let her get on with it and ruin her body because she’s an adult and can do what she wants?

Honestly, I'd be explaining to my DD that it's a trend and she's been brainwashed. If she still went through with it, I honestly would cut contact with her. I couldn't watch my little girl destroy her beautiful body in the name of a ridiculous trend. It would break my heart into a million pieces but to do anything else would be me condoning her actions and I simply cannot and will not. Never.

We've been through this with my DS and told him we thought it was highly risky and that he should address other issues in his life first. We said that if he wanted to take hormones he needed to take absolute responsibility for it and that we loved him but couldn't condone it and he'd be on his own with the decision.

We've always supported him in all other areas of his life so our refusal to approve that decision was significant. He's been at uni for a year now and, so far, the busyness of his new life seems to have distracted him from taking hormones. It's the elephant in the room and we don't discuss it but our relationship with him is currently good and we've spent a lot of happy times together over the summer.

This time last year we were going through hell and my heart goes out to anyone walking this tightrope. Genspect and the Gender Dysphoria Support Network have helped me feel less alone.

This might be useful, regarding the WPATH guidelines for trans issues. https://sex-matters.org/posts/updates/wpath-the-truth-about-gender-affirming-healthcare/

@HauntedbyMagpies this is where we are with our 20 year old daughter at Uni, although she has chosen to cut off communication with us as we won't support her transition. It is exquisite torture to know your beautiful child is taking these drastic and possibly irreversible steps and not be able to help her see sense. We are bereft, my heart is broken.

I’m so sorry that you are going through this.

Do your research on the effect of blockers / hormones and how they are life limiting / medically harmful - and the effects that they can have on the human body.

This ideology has captured far too many children / adults. It is heartbreaking.

Same situation here. My son has just turned 18. Last month I found oestrogen in his room and confiscated it. Last night I found some more. Heartbroken.

In a few years when there’s little/no NHS, who is going to pay for their treatments for what they’ve done to destroy their bodies?

(Not a political statement about the NHS, just reality that fewer issues are likely to be covered/treated, IMO)

It's evil isn't it. The lies, the online grooming. Every time I see that flag I feel ill. I have a healthy autistic lesbian daughter. Obviously she identifies as male as lesbian is only for males or a porn category. I hope we can get through without her sterilizing herself or damaging her body but she's an adult so I have no say. We are so close though this is an elephant in the room for us. Same as she can't talk about Gaza with her dad as he's not just ra ra ra Palestine.

There is one set of opinions that young people can safely have now. I can tell you any opinion held by any adult under 20. Bloody internet.

Coming back to this thread as sometimes it just helps to reread and know that I’m not totally alone dealing with this:(
My story is similar to others on here (almost 20 year old DD who has identified as a male for almost 2 years) who is away at university 900 miles away and living as a male. She won’t speak to her Dad about it at all (trying to make me do it for her which I’ve refused to do) She’s now pushing to live her ‘authentic life’ and accusing us of preventing that - she mentioned medically which terrifies the life out of me. I will never stop loving her but in all conscience cannot support her making permanent life long changes at such a young age. I fear the validation she is getting at college is driving this right now and I’m lost. Not expecting replies or answers as it seems there are so many of us living this nightmare right now:(

I would support them. If you’re not prepared to have a trans child then you shouldn’t have children. The only people who have been brainwashed are those who have drunk the transphobic kool aid imo. No need to try to defend your hatred, I don’t respond to bigots

There are counsellors out there who do explore unconscious motivation rather than taking an affirmative stance, as well as literature that supports this as part of ethical practice.

I have a cousin who is 22 that is identifying as a woman . He’s started taking hormones and is saving for surgery to make his face look more feminine and to reduce his Adams apple. It’s some clinic in Spain - god knows where he found it. His parents can do absolutely nothing about it as he has a job and pays for it all himself. He’s also autistic and suffers from depression. They are scared to say much about it for fear of tipping him over the edge…

I don’t have to defend anything. I am heartbroken but know that I cannot support any permanent lifelong medicalization at this point. And I won’t pay for it (we are in the US and even with health insurance the out of pocket costs are in the thousands)
You can love someone and at the same time fundamentally disagree. Parenting is the hardest job and sometimes the toughest one.

Id rather watch skibidi than edge sigma

I'm coming back to this thread too. My autistic 22 yo son has said he thinks he's a woman because he enjoys femininity. Ffs. It's so hard, as you say, because there is nothing you can do other than be neutral, remind them that humans can't change sex, and challenge stereotyping.

Enjoys femininity? Is he able to define what he believes that entails?

@BodyKeepingScore yes. All the standard circular definitions that in no way define what being a woman ACTUALLY is.

I do have experience of this with a family member and getting hormone treatment is not a given. There are lots of hoops to be jumped through and her being an adult does not removes those hoops for your DD. Whoever supplies this treatment has to be fully satisfied that it is the right course and therefore there is a lot of psychological testing and emotional assessment. At present my relative is stalled via the NHS and is paying for input from a psychiatrist to validate their wishes for treatment.

The trouble is that, as we know, the legal age of adulthood is 18, but the brain is far from fully formed at this stage and life experience is limited and insufficient to make such far-reaching decisions.

There is no such thing as trans. You cannot transition out of your biological sex.

As a student she presumably can't afford them privately and NHS waits are years.

So you believe some humans are born wrong and harmful medical interventions are the answer?

What about detransitioners, are they bigots?

Increasingly it seems parents are right to exercise caution and hope that their kids are not caught up in a medical scandal. And you think they are bigots? Wow.

@ElaineSqueaks pansexual is not a diagnosis. It's a sexual preference.

Op I don't see there's anything that you can do. She's an adult after all.

As an FYI, although I am a Brit, we live in the US so have private health insurance and they can get pretty much anything with having to do very little as far as mental health is concerned. I wish we were back in the UK where at least there is some growing common sense about slowing everything down!

My son has been on Hormones since he was 11. He is biologically female. He was on puberty blockers from age 11 (given mainly because he had severe menorrhagia with 4 month cycles, 2 days break before they started again and no other medication worked). Since 18 he has been on Testosterone.
2 weeks ago he had top surgery age 20.

Both he and I were made well aware of what side effects of the hormones are and this is why you are constantly monitored while on them.

My son has lived as a boy since he was 4 years old. I thought it was just being a Tom Boy but his school eventually referred him to Tavistock when he was 7 and he was with them until transferred to Adult Services at 18. He has never ever changed his mind.
He has no LGBT friends, has not been brain washed and truly hates the sex he was born as.

As his mother I have just supported him all these years, not pushed him to transition and I have cried many tears over the years at loosing my daughter even though I gained a son.
My son does actually believe a lot of kids suddenly thinking they are trans is becoming a trendy fad. He believes if your trans then you would have known this all your life. He cant understand someone at age 16 for example suddenly believing they are transgender.

He said at his secondary school some kids with no friends would suddenly announce they were trans so they could join the group of kids who were and be accepted.

Despite all the rubbish in the news about Tavistock, they did not just dole out hormones, you spent years having counselling and it was actually hard to get any hormonal help and you had to jump through so many hoops.
If your teen is on hormones without being under a GIC then they are doing DIY which is very dangerous.
My son gets them via the NHS and has to have blood work done every 3 months to monitor the levels.

If your child believes they are trans then they need to go on the wait list for an NHS Gender Clinic where the current wait time is in years not months.

Hi I hope you don't mind me joining in.

Out of no-where, (no hints, comments) I have discovered bowes of oestrodiol, progesterone pessaries and a nasal spray (when I google it it is used as some kind of puberty blocker) in my 19 yr old son's room.

It's prescribed, it says Boots on the label.

Where can he have got this from NHS, private? We are in shock and don't know what to do / say.