Child has said they're trans I'm looking for advice.

[Lindsay86]

Hello! My kid (15) has said they're trans. They've always been effeminate and last year came out as gay. I don't care if they're any kind of LGBT I just want them to be happy. I don't know what I can do to support them. Should I use the name and pronouns they want me to? does anyone have books or other resources on this subject? all advice appreciated!

Hello. All kids are different of course but….. my 16 year old son told us he was trans when he was around 13/14. We were in lockdown and I’m certain that’s relevant. He told his group of friends and he had started talking about hormone treatment etc.

I wanted to support him (that is, I didn’t want to risk pushing him away) but struggled to use she/her and the name he wanted so instead kept my language as neutral as possible.

i let him talk to me about the hormone therapy etc but managed to kick the can down the road.

And we waited.

My son now has a girlfriend. Has thrown away all the ‘girls’ clothes he had bought himself. He is happy and confident. He no longer wants to be a girl.

Watch and wait is 100% the best advice I can give.

Mermaids are a good starting place for parents. Please don't listen to the awful transphobic shite on here and carry on supporting your young person. Everyone is different so don't be afraid to ask them what they want or need from you. The suicide rate among unsupported trans people is huge but those whose families offer love and support do well in terms of mental health.

PinkTherapy offer a great network of therapists if they would like that sort of support in the meantime OP.

This Mermaids?

www.gov.uk/government/news/regulator-announces-statutory-inquiry-into-mermaids www.gov.uk/government/news/regulator-announces-statutory-inquiry-into-mermaids]]]]

Good grief!!! some of the comments here- Mermaids?? Really?? (See above from Lola and read about Susie Green)
So if ‘watchful waiting’ is the recommended path, why not go with that?
’rabidly transphobic gender critical vipers’ is a bit strong isn’t it? Please report any transphobia
Many experts also say there’s no such thing as a ‘trans child’
You sound like a loving supportive mum OP and I wish you all the best

"Others call Mumsnet transphobic"

Because it is.

Gender. A wider lens. Podcast 👍

'You're not transgender, you're just confused'.

Is it a challenge for you to accept that some children and adolescents with gender dysphoria go on to become happy transgender adults who don't regret transitioning?

Because you seem to feel this is an impossibility and that parents should assume that all young people who identify as transgender will eventually 'get over it'.

What happens in a family where a child doesn't 'get over it'? How does it work when you have parents who go around making comments like 'well at least xxx knows what a woman is' and refusing to even say the word transgender?

What on earth……
I was referring to experts!! Your reply appears to indicate that they come from my own work
I haven’t said ‘you’re not transgender you’re just confused’
Nor have I stated that they will ‘get over it’
Nor do I feel that’s it’s an impossibility ’
Are you confusing me with someone else as I honestly don’t get it

The fact remains that some transitioners do regret going down this path. See Chloe Cole for example. Kiera Bell. Serious consequences that can’t be undone

You’ve had a comment deleted- did you check why?

And to add- I made a genuinely supportive comment to the OP. It must be very difficult

Isn't that the exact point of watchful waiting? Ask you don't immediately affirm, but wait and see if it persists?.

"Isn't that the exact point of watchful waiting? Ask you don't immediately affirm, but wait and see if it persists?"

What does 'not affirming' look like? We're talking about how someone feels and how they see themselves. Is it 'you don't feel like that really?' And 'well that's not who you are'.

My DC advised that they were non-binary about 2 years ago, when v late teens, and I've used their pronouns since then. My DC's mental health has been so much better since living as non-binary, but they still suffer, as they actively didn't want to be trans to be honest. Not easy for them, but they are much loved and accepted for who they want to be by the family and their friends of course, couldn't give two tosses...it's the old buggers who care!