5 year old saying he's a girl?

[frenchnoodle]

How best to deal with this, it is happening at home at school and started roughly 4 months ago, maybe a bit longer and at first everyone school included was treating it as a normal phase, to correct and ignore but although it's occasionally luled he's still insistent he's a girl.

What is the next step here?

You've let your imagination run away a bit here. The school are supportive of how I'm handling things. They are supportive of ignoring it at this point.
As I have said nothing from the school has flaged up as an issue at this time.

But why even mention it to the school in the first place?

As a PP said: if he wished he’d been born a fish, would you tell the school? Do you tell the school about every imaginative whim that he expresses? It would get incredibly boring for his teacher if all parents were sending emails on a regular basis about their child’s imaginary play. He’s a dolphin today. She’s spent all weekend being a spider! Etc…

I’m not sure what your purpose was in starting this thread.

Well yes, having a child in early years setting means there is lots of communication back and fourth about what is happening at school and home.
You do mention they are being a dog at drop off and so on, and yes the teachers probably hear it a lot.

I’m not sure what your purpose was in starting this thread.

How strange. My son has had repeatedly claimed something for a long time and as a worried mother I posted for opinions and to ask what the next steps were.
Just like I would do if he was hearing voices, to judge what is normal and what may need some help.

You said in your first few posts that you’re not worried.

You’ve received five pages of “reassurance” here, surely that’s enough to allay your non worry 😳?

You said in your first few posts that you’re not worried.

I am not worried at the present time, I am worried for the future and him getting bullied if it continues. Surely you understand there is not just a state of "worry" and "no worry". There are times when it's more concerning to me than others.

You’ve received five pages of “reassurance” here, surely that’s enough to allay your non worry

Yes the current advice is to continue as I am. You know this as you've read the thread and my replies. What's your point?

Are you in the UK?
Do you realise the school system and specifically the school nurse scheme take the place of a health visitor here for over 4's. Checking with the school is a perfectly normal course of action for this type of concern.

I understand it may be unusual if you are outside the UK.

Yes, I am in the UK. Yes, I have children and I understand how it works.

He’s not a girl and will never be a girl but he can play with and wear whatever he likes. I think you’re looking for a problem where there is none. I’m guessing he’s your first or only child? At five they have lively imaginations.

somebody has been lying to him about the differences between boys and girls. incorrectly giving him the impression that thoughts, feelings, preferences and clothing are supposed to fit one set of stereotypes for boys and another set for girls. he's too young for much deeper lessons about physical reality, but you need to find out where the lies are coming from.

it may be from peers. my DS was firmly told by other 5-6 year olds that only girls do ballet. peer pressure is strong.

No not my only child and not my first. I have a 7 almost 8 year old.

I have asked several times on the thread how to find out if it's from the school though

Sorry if I'm repeating anything you've already heard or thought of but I would check the following:

-School policies such as Equality Policy, Bullying policy - are they conflating sex and gender?

-RSE policy - does it mention gender identity or 'LGBT' - what is the school teaching about these things? Even in older years. Are they using an external PSHE provider?

-does the school celebrate Pride month, LGBT History Month etc?

I'm not saying the above things are massive problems on their own but if a theme develops then it may be an indication that the school or someone in it (perhaps even a governor or the wider Academy Trust, if it is part of one) is pushing gender identity theory.

Whether or not this has impacted your son historically, it's worth looking into going forward.

There are a few threads that you could look at on the feminism board, eg:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/4726722-what-are-uk-schools-teaching

www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/4729575-gender-ideology-in-schools

www.mumsnet.com/talk/womens_rights/4733278-sex-not-gender-no-outsiders-changing-the-equality-act-depheaddsl-captured

Thank you so much, lots to get started on here.

Just saw this thread. A child identifying as another gender isn't the same as an animal. Being an animal is pretend but gender is part of our identity from an early age. It's part of being human, it's an innate part of us.
That said, you can support your DC (as it seems your doing) without 'pushing' social transition.
And either your DC is trans or they aren't! If they aren't then they aren't and no amount of 'encouragement' can make someone trans - just like growing up and 'encouraged' to be straight doesn't make anyone including myself, straight!
If they aren't trans they will grow out of it and realise as they grow toys and clothes aren't gendered.
If they are they are and you're on that ride with them.
But you won't know for sure yet, so sounds like you just keep on as you are. If DC isn't distressed then all is good.
And for all those worried about medication etc. children do not get medication and hormones until way way later on, mid-teens MAYBE. Blockers come first and these are reversible. And certainly no talks of surgery either. They do not do surgery on trans minors.

@Wishing1988 I'm afraid you're wrong about puberty blockers being reversible:

The NHS says: It's also not known whether hormone blockers affect the development of the teenage brain or children's bones. Side effects may also include hot flushes, fatigue and mood alterations.

www.nhs.uk/conditions/gender-dysphoria/treatment/

Also, useful information here : statsforgender.org/puberty-blockers/

As for gender being innate, do you have any evidence for that claim? And what exactly do you mean by 'gender'?

Oh blimey. Where to even start with this load of twaddle

@Wishing1988

Gender isn’t innate. Please get your facts straight.

Do you have any proof of this?

This entire post is first degree bollocks.

My post is quite measured really - basically saying either the child is trans or they aren't and it's too early to tell and carry on as you are. Not particularly radical.

Admittedly, 'innate' was probably the wrong word - I think what I meant was gender (identity) is something that is within us and forms part of our identity in a different way to pretending to 'be an animal'. It informs how we view the world, interact within it and how others treat us. I was trying to make the point that the comparison in wanting to be an animal isn't really appropriate, rather than arguing that gender identity is 'innate' because that's not really right.

Blockers are generally safe - www.eurekalert.org/news-releases/842073

And there's also the argument that even if blockers did pose a risk to bones, the risk of not giving them on a trans teen's mental health is far higher than the risk of blockers. Going through puberty of the opposite sex can be traumatising. Trans youth are at far higher risk of depression, anxiety, self-harm and suicide than the general population pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/32345113/

Again though, this is a really individual thing and blockers should be prescribed in conjunction with mental health support and counselling not as a solution for everyone who asks. The point is, they should be available because some people need them.

I'm not saying that all children who tell you they're the opposite sex/are transgender really are - just that some of them will be. Denying this won't change who someone is - if it did then there wouldn't be that many trans people in the world.

This is quite interesting - www.gendergp.com/detransition-facts/

Most people who end up on blockers go on to fully transition. But this conversation started with OP and a 5yo. They are way way off thinking about blockers, medication or anything else. If their DC becomes distressed and wants to fully socially transition, that would be the first step - but it doesn't sound like they're there yet. And may not at all.

Have you actually met any trans people and listened to them talk about their experiences?

I don't have a gender identity inside me though - is this something I should see a doctor about?
I believe everyone has a soul inside them, but I'm not daft enough to assume that everyone agrees or this is in any way factual.

If gender identity means how masculine or feminine we feel then I could maybe see something in that, except that masculine and feminine are just stereotypes.

But I accept that lots of people might describe themselves or their children as 'a girly girl' or a bit of a 'tomboy'.

But, seriously, in what way can a 5 year old boy be a girl or have any way of knowing what being a girl is like, other than through what he observes with his boys' senses?

A boy thinking he is a girl is simply a boy who is confused about what it means to be a boy and what it means to be a girl. He needs to be told that he is a boy and that he do whatever he wants in terms of toys, clothes, interests etc, none of those things make him not a boy.

My 5 year old gets very funny about ‘girls’ things and ‘boys things’ girls like rainbows and unicorns and fairies, boys like superheroes and dinosaurs, apparently. I had the chat about how girls can like dinosaurs as well, which led to her listing all the ‘boys things’ she likes 👍 and that girls can like them too 😁. She also keeps saying she wants to be a baby again 🤷‍♀️, kids that age are just a bit strange sometimes haha

Wishing your post is anything but measured.
It's just a load of bollocks.
Get yourself over to the feminism board and "educate yourself"

OP how are things now?

Pretty much the same.🤷

@JennyWI

Dp's nephew (born his niece) was similar. From preschool refused girls clothes, wanted to change name at 10. Fully transitioning later this year (was delayed by covid and subsequent wait times as obviously non essential.) It isn't common but there is a small number of people who feel different before they even can express why