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LGBT children

This board is primarily for parents of LGBTQ+ children to share personal experiences and advice. Others are welcome to post but please be respectful that this is a supportive space.

Original poster

5 year old saying he's a girl?

181 replies

frenchnoodle · 10/01/2023 06:53

How best to deal with this, it is happening at home at school and started roughly 4 months ago, maybe a bit longer and at first everyone school included was treating it as a normal phase, to correct and ignore but although it's occasionally luled he's still insistent he's a girl.

What is the next step here?

OP posts:
MaireadMcSweeney · 10/01/2023 06:55

Ask him why he thinks he's a girl?
tell him he's not?

Original poster
frenchnoodle · 10/01/2023 06:58

MaireadMcSweeney · 10/01/2023 06:55

Ask him why he thinks he's a girl?
tell him he's not?

I'm doing both of these, plus ignoring and not making a big deal of it. He apparently "likes being a girl" 🤷.
It's hard to argue logic with a child.

OP posts:
Glenthebattleostrich · 10/01/2023 06:58

Explain he's a boy and boys can like pink, dolls, dinosaurs<add area of interest here> and boys can wear xyz and their favorite character cna be Elsa/Cinderella/wonder woman...

cloudychance · 10/01/2023 07:02

I'd not pay it much attention it's probably just a phase. If he wants dolls or pink things or dresses just let him have them? It doesn't make him a girl because he has those interests!

Madamecastafiore · 10/01/2023 07:06

DD said she was a baby flappy dinosaur, DS was a transformer, it will pass. Smile and say how nice dear.

WednesdaysPlaits · 10/01/2023 07:08

It’s his imagination getting more and more sophisticated. Perfectly normal developmental phase for a child to pretend to be something they’re not.

MassiveSalad22 · 10/01/2023 07:12

He probably just doesn’t have the vocab to explain her prefers playing with typically girly things. Just let him play with and wear what he wants. We adults all know there is zero possibility he could ever be a girl, so don’t even let on it could be a possibility.

Boys can play with the same stuff girls do. I still don’t understand why that is a radical thing to say 😂

Original poster
frenchnoodle · 10/01/2023 07:16

Madamecastafiore · 10/01/2023 07:06

DD said she was a baby flappy dinosaur, DS was a transformer, it will pass. Smile and say how nice dear.

🤣 Flappy dinosaur

When he was a puppy thankfully it didn't last over 4 months. The fact it's on going for so long has me worried.

OP posts:
Ohdearnotagain76 · 10/01/2023 07:21

What are you worried about?
Let him say he's a girl and buy what you think is acceptable and then readdress if you need when becomes a issue. If he's really wanting/feeling (not sure of correct term) that he's a girl you won't stop it

Original poster
frenchnoodle · 10/01/2023 07:24

Ohdearnotagain76 · 10/01/2023 07:21

What are you worried about?
Let him say he's a girl and buy what you think is acceptable and then readdress if you need when becomes a issue. If he's really wanting/feeling (not sure of correct term) that he's a girl you won't stop it

I'm not worried, I am seeking reassurance that my current course of action is still correct after 4 months.

OP posts:
midgetastic · 10/01/2023 07:24

Actually o don't think saying he's a girl is healthy

Think of the stress when his periods don't come

I was a boy for many years in my head so I don't think there is anything to worry about

Beyond that - there should be no difference between being a boy and a girl unless someone is letting the girls do different games for example - there are some people with rigid gender ideas ( including children ) - perhaps he hates football

arethereanyleftatall · 10/01/2023 07:27

Say it's fine to like being a girl, and you are allowed to do anything at all you want to do, so it doesn't matter if you're a bit or a girl, but you are actually a boy.

Please please don't feed him the narrative that he can be a girl whatever you do. He can't.

stormywaves · 10/01/2023 07:31

Let him say he's a girl and buy what you think is acceptable

and this is part of the problem. Does he want to be a girl for the clothes, toys, avoid football? Gender stereotypes need to be addressed, we were getting there and now going back the way.

And yes, I grew up where the household manta emphasised 'boy's things' and 'girls things'...and was then encouraged to be different when I said other girls have or do that, why can't I?

Ooopsi · 10/01/2023 07:33

Yeah agree with all of the above..

So what if his into ‘stereotypical’ girl things whatever that is. If he likes playing with babies I’m sure his seen his dad/ a male figure in his life push a pram feed a baby ect, same with cooking, pink and whatever else.

his 5 don’t stress to much !

WednesdaysPlaits · 10/01/2023 07:35

“You’re not a girl silly sausage, you’re a wonderful fabulous boy. Boys can do all the same things that girls do. Isn’t that great! Love you so much”

snowtrees · 10/01/2023 07:43

Maybe he likes the girls in his class / playing with them? Maybe he's picking up on stereotypes. It's really common as these things are everywhere. Great advice on here

Ohdearnotagain76 · 10/01/2023 07:44

frenchnoodle · 10/01/2023 07:24

I'm not worried, I am seeking reassurance that my current course of action is still correct after 4 months.

Show quote history

You said you were worried.
We can't change your sons attitude, either embrace it like, ignore it or correct it. It will get easier, and if you don't want to buy 'girl' clothes go for neutral (unless it's dresses he wants) buy a boy doll if he wants a doll

minisoksmakehardwork · 10/01/2023 07:51

Remind him that boys and girls can do anything they like. That you don't have to be a boy to like pink or a boy to like blue.

If you can, unpick why he thinks he might be a girl. In my experience, at that age females are primary carers for the majority and children spend most of their time with women - home, preschool, school, so they think if they like the same things, because of social stereotypes, then they must be female. Plus toy shops are full of gender stereotypes.

Give him healthy access to any toys or activities he wants to do and try and steer towards gender neutral colours for them so he doesn't get the message reinforced that X is for boys and Y is for girls.

It is much easier when children have opposite sex sibling close in age Ime as they all play with everything.

minisoksmakehardwork · 10/01/2023 07:52

*girl to like pink

minisoksmakehardwork · 10/01/2023 07:53

Oh, and check that school really are on the same page as you. I have seen firsthand a school socially transition a child when their parent asked for watchful waiting and reminding them that boys and girls can do anything they want.

arethereanyleftatall · 10/01/2023 07:56

minisoksmakehardwork · 10/01/2023 07:53

Oh, and check that school really are on the same page as you. I have seen firsthand a school socially transition a child when their parent asked for watchful waiting and reminding them that boys and girls can do anything they want.

This is actually really important.

There was some horrendous teacher training/guidelines delivered a few years back where teachers were told to tell children they might be in the wrong body. The hopeless disaster that resulted in is now unfolding. I'm not sure if it's filtered down yet not to say that!

freshlybakedbread · 10/01/2023 08:03

Carry on as you are doing, but make sure that school is on board with you.
In my opinion it's a way of expressing that he likes a certain type of friendship/ play/ toys/clothes, basically he feels more in common or is enjoying what he perceived as girl things.
Reassure him that an equally wonderful way to be a boy.

Echobelly · 10/01/2023 08:05

Around that age I was telling everyone I was born a boy but my willy had fallen off! Just keep supporting him in doing what he likes and being how he wants and no need to make a big deal.

Stickmansmum · 10/01/2023 08:09

There is no real alternative course of action. I’d focus on you are you. And you are loved just as you are, girl or boy. And leave it at that. You don’t need to talk him out of it. Or talk him into it. Gender really doesn’t matter.

middleager · 10/01/2023 08:33

When one of mine was that age, I picked him up each week from the after school club..He waa wearing a princess outfit and would claim to be a princess. We just smiled and said "that's nice."
He's 5. This is what they all do - pretend play!

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