Parents of trans teenagers?

[Cantbelieveitsnotbetter]

So when my 16 yr old came out as trans to us early this year, I thought I would venture on to Mumsnet to see if there were any other parents going through the same experience.
I haven't posted much over the years on here and hadn't looked at chat for a good while, so now realise I was a bit naive in thinking that I would find advice or calm discussion on this topic.
Every single thread I have read in the sex and gender discussion category is from gender critical or LGB Alliance supporters and they are a little bit hostile to trans people to put it mildly.

So I was just wondering if there were any brave souls out there willing to have a more neutral discussion, especially if you have a child going through this at the moment.

I'm probably being naive again to think this is possible in the current climate but there we are. And to anyone thinking of posting gender critical views in response to this, I have read your views at great length on many other threads, so I'm good thanks.

OP is on sex and gender discussion and doesn’t want to discuss

She would like support and the best place for that is LGBT children

Is no good sighing….just about everyone has said that the other board would be much more helpful

I would enjoy that too and I have clearly made a fool of myself by starting a thread in completely the wrong place. I shall ask them to move this to LGBT section

You haven’t made a fool of yourself at all

I hope you get the conversation you would like on the other board 💐

@steppemum

well mn, well done you have done it again.

I also have kids who are trans. 2 actually.

I am GC and have talked and discussed that at length on many feminist threads.

But as a mum it is bloody hard. It is terrifying to worry about things like them chosing surgery when they are only 18 etc.
OP has come on to ask about support as a mum, and straight away mn feels the need to launch the full GC agenda.

WE KNOW.
You don't have to rehash it again. How about just shutting up for 5 bloody minutes and allow a parent to talk about the worries and practicalities of being a parent of a trans teen, with out jumping down their throat and adding the whole of society's issues to the pot.

Where is the support mn?

If I was a mum struggling with feeding my baby, and was feeding formula, anyone who comes on says 'you should be breastfeeding' gets short shrift and told to be supportive, and this isn't the time or the place.

But on this one issue, vipers on mn just cannot help themselves and feel the need to preach the GC view.

sorry OP, give up. You won't get support here.
PM me if you like

Because it's the wrong section. There are hundreds of boards on mumsnet. This is nothing to do with Mumsnet not supporting people. It's about posting in the section that is relevant to your problem.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/lgbt_parents

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/lgbt_children

It's amazing, if anything GC is posted in any section of MN that is not "Sex and Gender" it gets moved quick smart. However for some reason other threads that are clearly in the wrong section of MN get left to stand rather than moved into the "correct" area.

OP you haven't made a fool of yourself.

You've asked a reasonable question and been directed to a part of the site that is better suited to set up the type of thread you wish to start.

MN isn't "one voice".

As pp's have said, this part of the site is one of the few places online that women can discuss GC views and as such it attracts people who share that viewpoint/lurkers questioning trans ideology.

Exactly msfogi

Even the OP said she realised this board wasnt quite right for what she wanted

Steppemum thank you!!

I feel like an idiot for posting in the wrong place . I am now going to ask for it to be moved, so would love to chat more.

Hi OP,

We mailed you earlier this evening to ask if you'd like us to move your thread over to our LGBT Children topic. As you've now said on the thread that you'd like it moved, we'll do that for you now.

Posters are just being honest and explaining to OP that what she is looking for would be found on a different board.
A poster came on this board this morning asking about opinions on her 14 week scan. She had misunderstood the purpose of this board. She was kindly and gently directed to the right place. All good.
Nobody has been mean to the OP, just honest and clear about a better board to post on for what the OP wants.

Because it's the wrong section. There are hundreds of boards on mumsnet. This is nothing to do with Mumsnet not supporting people. It's about posting in the section that is relevant to your problem.

yes it is in the wrong section, but it is 100% clear from the first post what the Op wanted.
so - one or two helpful people redirect to the right section.

and a fuck load of others starting on the GC debate with her.
It is the second lot that need to just, for 5 minutes, realise that there are other discussions to be had.

Potentially 5 people is hardly a fuck load…

Anyway i hope the OP finds what she is looking for on here

OP I wish you all the best, but I'm afraid even on this board I will not discuss it on mn, as it is so hostile.

I'm happy to PM

StillWeRise you are far too cynical. I was doing other things and when I came back to my phone I saw what had been said and it is now being moved. No sinister alterior motives involved!

There is sadly a fair bit of one sided thinking if not out and out transphobia on this site.
I have posted a few times looking for advice and support regarding my trans child, always posted on the LGBT children board but even so eventually every post is swamped by the more GC minded.
This definitely is not the place to seek support.

I suggest Bayswater Support Group
bayswatersupport.org.uk/about-us/

The PITT group blog
pitt.substack.com/

If your child is observed female at birth and has autism or could have autism, look into the work of the psychologist Tania Marshall.

Wishing your family well

@Nowayhozay

There is sadly a fair bit of one sided thinking if not out and out transphobia on this site. I have posted a few times looking for advice and support regarding my trans child, always posted on the LGBT children board but even so eventually every post is swamped by the more GC minded. This definitely is not the place to seek support.

That's so sad. We are parents and I'm still new to all this so automatically thought a parenting forum was a good place to go. I'm realising I was wrong.

I think it's a shame that it isn't a wholly safe place to have an open discussion on this issue.

I think it's a shame that it isn't a wholly safe place to have an open discussion on this issue

Well I would argue that there’s plenty of “safe” places to discuss these issues - loads of support groups on FB etc - so why do you think you should have full agreement and unquestioning support on MN too? It’s one of the only places where GC views can be discussed it’s true, but it’s not “safe” on any any side of the discussion here. GC posters are regularly banned and there’s some kind of three strikes and you’re out system I believe.

@PurgatoryOfPotholes

I suggest Bayswater Support Group bayswatersupport.org.uk/about-us/

The PITT group blog
pitt.substack.com/

If your child is observed female at birth and has autism or could have autism, look into the work of the psychologist Tania Marshall.

Wishing your family well

But it seems to me these organisations are both trying to persuade parents that their children are mistaken and treatment shouldn't be advised.

I wasn't asking for that. More to share our experiences with others going through similar.

I'm sorry OP, not everyone on the internet is who they say they are and it has been known for people to come to the feminist boards with the intention of getting proof about how awful we are
best of luck to you and your DC, you have been given a few useful resources
bear in mind though that all of us GC feminists came to this viewpoint out fo concern for children and women

I think it's a shame that it isn't a wholly safe place to have an open discussion on this issue

Of course it is a safe place to have a discussion. However you don't want a discussion you want posters to 100% agree with your choices in how to support you trans child.
That's not a discussion that is affirmation.

Cantbelieveitsnotbetter

I wasn't asking for that. More to share our experiences with others going through similar.

Okay. Now this thread is in the right section for you.

If you don't get the support you seek here, then try mermaids.

Oh, I meant to highlight the first paragraph as a quote.

I have 2 trans sons, one who's an adult, the other is 14. What do you need help with?

Anyway I am not going to waste any more time arguing with the GC crowd.
I acknowledge the roller coaster ride that this experience is, but am also feeling surprised at the moments of happiness I feel as my mtf teenager slowly, tentatively chips away at her shell. She is very shy and it takes her a lot of courage to even take baby steps.

We are nowhere near her getting any treatment, but the things I thought would be difficult strangely aren't and she has received so much family support, it's really helping. I feel like I am getting to meet her properly and it's all really surprising.
That sounds a bit gushy, and believe me there are horrible days when the dysphoria is raging but I guess it's good to acknowledge the positive too.