Parents of trans teenagers?

[Cantbelieveitsnotbetter]

So when my 16 yr old came out as trans to us early this year, I thought I would venture on to Mumsnet to see if there were any other parents going through the same experience.
I haven't posted much over the years on here and hadn't looked at chat for a good while, so now realise I was a bit naive in thinking that I would find advice or calm discussion on this topic.
Every single thread I have read in the sex and gender discussion category is from gender critical or LGB Alliance supporters and they are a little bit hostile to trans people to put it mildly.

So I was just wondering if there were any brave souls out there willing to have a more neutral discussion, especially if you have a child going through this at the moment.

I'm probably being naive again to think this is possible in the current climate but there we are. And to anyone thinking of posting gender critical views in response to this, I have read your views at great length on many other threads, so I'm good thanks.

Look at Bayswater Support online. That’s what they are for and you will get a kind and understanding hearing from people who have been there

Did you know there was a LGBT children board on Mumsnet? That might be somewhere to look if you are not getting the responses you want here.

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/lgbt_children

Try the LGBT section. Posting in feminism is going to get you robust debate about sex and gender (see section title).

It is a bit like going into Style and Beauty and not wanting to talk about clothes and make up.

MN is one of the few places where you can discuss GC views.

I have also seen a huge amount of support for parents of trans identifying children. It tends to be more 'watchful waiting' than affirmation. Which other websites may view as transphobic.

Depends what sort of support you are after tbo.

Thanks Endoplasmic, that makes sense!

Lots of sympathetic support on this board for parents of teenagers OP.
Have you come across the new group Genspect ?
genspect.org/

Ok, Cismyfatarse, I am obviously out of practice here as I hadn't seen the feminist part.
However, as a lifelong feminist I would like to think feminism and support for trans people were not mutually exclusive.

However, as a lifelong feminist I would like to think feminism and support for trans people were not mutually exclusive

They're absolutely not mutually exclusive - it's a small but vocal band of misogynistic activists (now backed by Stonewall) who have whipped up all the hate and who artificially constructed issues where there weren't any previously.

Not mutually exclusive, provided women and women, men are men, transwomen are transwomen and transmen are transmen.

Sadly some TRAs do not respect women's sex-based rights for changing rooms, loos, hospital wards, sports, scholarships, prisons and refuges in their original intent: for women. I think this is why disagreement occurs.

Well brace yourself if you think that those views can be aligned. She says from bitter experience.

However, as a lifelong feminist I would like to think feminism and support for trans people were not mutually exclusive.

You say you don't want debate but you keep posting provocative little tit bits that say otherwise...which is it OP?

You can ask for your thread to be moved to LGBT children cantbelieveitsnotbetter

**MrsOvertonsWindow thanks but I wasn't looking for sympathy or ways to deny my daughter's trans identity, more discussing the things we are going through. I fully support her and am seeing how she is emerging from a silent, withheld character into her true self, which is lovely.
I realise now I am posting in the wrong part of chat and should have been in LGBT section.

Can't see anyone talking about "ways to deny your daughter's trans identity?"

Oh dear.

It all sounds good, OP.
What were you looking for from MN?

I'm glad that you and your child are happy with the changes they are making, but this is one of the few places where the physical dangers of transitioning are mentioned. If you are going to go down such a drastic path it is well to know everything that is involved.

OP, I think you should ask to have your thread moved.

I think many posters here worry about the effects of any medical intervention on children. There are quite a few studies and someone can link them. There seem to be quite serious medical effects.

Many posters also see a fundamental conflict between the rights to privacy and safety for biological women and girls vs. The wish of biological males (transwomen) to have access to single sex spaces. This is a worry in sports, changing rooms, prisons, hospital wards and rape crisis centres. There are many examples of why this is a concern for biological girls. I think there is a recent video of a transgirl beating up a biological girl in a toilet and there was also a biological girl raped in the girls’ toilets by a “gender fluid” boy wearing a skirt.

These concerns are likely to influence any discussion on these board. If you want a discussion where people mainly say how wonderful transition is at all ages and that transpeople should use their gendered facilities no questions asked, this is not the right place.

@Cantbelieveitsnotbetter
I would really enjoy a discussion with you. I have a 15 year old DC, assigned male at birth, moved to non binary identification at 14, now tending towards Trans.
I'm not very concerned about the whys and wherefores, more about the practical side and support.

@Cantbelieveitsnotbetter

So when my 16 yr old came out as trans to us early this year, I thought I would venture on to Mumsnet to see if there were any other parents going through the same experience. I haven't posted much over the years on here and hadn't looked at chat for a good while, so now realise I was a bit naive in thinking that I would find advice or calm discussion on this topic. Every single thread I have read in the sex and gender discussion category is from gender critical or LGB Alliance supporters and they are a little bit hostile to trans people to put it mildly.

So I was just wondering if there were any brave souls out there willing to have a more neutral discussion, especially if you have a child going through this at the moment.

I'm probably being naive again to think this is possible in the current climate but there we are. And to anyone thinking of posting gender critical views in response to this, I have read your views at great length on many other threads, so I'm good thanks.

So do you only want responses that echo your thoughts? If so, what exactly are they. Then people can decide if it’s worth posting or not.

I agree with others that if you just want affirmation OP, this isn't really the right place. The discussion on this board tends to be around real concerns about the health issues caused by hormones and surgery. My personal view is that anyone should be able to dress and present in any way they like, but experimental drugs and surgery would not be something I would want for my child. Especially the loss of sexual function and sterilization. I am not convinced that teenagers can really understand these things enough to consent to them.
However, you are comfortable with it and your child is happy. I hope it all works out.

well mn, well done you have done it again.

I also have kids who are trans. 2 actually.

I am GC and have talked and discussed that at length on many feminist threads.

But as a mum it is bloody hard. It is terrifying to worry about things like them chosing surgery when they are only 18 etc.
OP has come on to ask about support as a mum, and straight away mn feels the need to launch the full GC agenda.

WE KNOW.
You don't have to rehash it again. How about just shutting up for 5 bloody minutes and allow a parent to talk about the worries and practicalities of being a parent of a trans teen, with out jumping down their throat and adding the whole of society's issues to the pot.

Where is the support mn?

If I was a mum struggling with feeding my baby, and was feeding formula, anyone who comes on says 'you should be breastfeeding' gets short shrift and told to be supportive, and this isn't the time or the place.

But on this one issue, vipers on mn just cannot help themselves and feel the need to preach the GC view.

sorry OP, give up. You won't get support here.
PM me if you like

[quote NotRainingToday]@Cantbelieveitsnotbetter
I would really enjoy a discussion with you. I have a 15 year old DC, assigned male at birth, moved to non binary identification at 14, now tending towards Trans.
I'm not very concerned about the whys and wherefores, more about the practical side and support.[/quote]
I would enjoy that too and I have clearly made a fool of myself by starting a thread in completely the wrong place. I shall ask them to move this to LGBT section.

Op, as you say, you're posting in the wrong section for the advice you seek.

These are the sections you need

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/lgbt_parents

www.mumsnet.com/Talk/lgbt_children